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About MartyT

  • Rank
    Grief Counselor
  • Birthday 02/10/1943

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Profile Information

  • Your gender
  • Location (city, state)
    Sarasota, Florida

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    mother, daughter, friend
  • Date of Death
    5/26/67, 9/3078,10/06/93
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

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  1. Yes it is a huge worry, as it should be. As I said, your lady's reaction to this death is telling. As one of my favorite authors has written, "Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths." As I look back on my own life, I've never known it to be otherwise, and I think we delude ourselves if we think we can get through life without things going wrong. Sometimes they are just little things that pile up, and sometimes they are huge ~ but we must recognize that bad things happen to good people all the time ~ and you are wise to notice how this person has reacted in response to this death, as it's an indication of how she may react to any future crisis.
  2. My friend, I don't think it's true that "in grief people get very selfish". Everyone grieves in ways that are unique to them, depending on many different factors (age, gender, personality, available support, past experience with loss, individual value and belief system, cultural background, etc.) What is relevant here is how this particular young lady is reacting to this particular loss, and the effect that her behavior is having on you. You are wise to pay attention! Life is full of crises, losses and disappointments, and this will not be the first time this woman will be faced with them. How she has behaved toward you in the wake of her grandmother's death is telling, because it gives you an idea of how she may react to serious problems in the future.
  3. I'm so sorry for your pain, and I hope you will take Kay's wise counsel to heart. You'll find a number of articles related to this kind of situation in this post: In Grief: Supporting a Partner in Mourning
  4. Blessings to you, dear Fae, and thank you for your lovely comments ♥
  5. Hi Linda, and welcome. We're not big on labels here, but if you're asking whether it is normal that, as the title of your topic suggests, you're still mourning your husband after 5 years, I can assure you that the answer is Yes. If you loved your husband ~ and if you still love him despite his physical absence from you ~ I cannot imagine why you wouldn't continue to mourn his death for the rest of your life. We do not mourn those we do not love. That is not to say that your grief remains as acute and as sharp as it is in the beginning ~ but to expect it to "go away" some day is not realistic. Grief is not an illness that we will "get over" or recover from. It's a process that takes place over time, and something that in time we can learn to live with. Perhaps you can share with us a little more of your own story?
  6. Thank you so much, nettieboop, for sharing your story ~ and for making yourself available to others who are hurting this way. Deeply appreciated ♥
  7. Katie, my dear, this announcement came in my email yesterday and I'm sharing it with you in case you may be interested. Linda Goldman is a highly respected expert in guiding parents whose children are coping with traumatic loss. Join Us for a live discussion When: March 19, 2018 at: 12:30 Pacific Standard Time; 1:30 Mountain Standard Time; 2:30 Central Standard Time; 3:30 Eastern Standard Time Topic: Supporting Children’s grief, Loss, and Trauma Wondering what to say to kid’s who have suffered grief, loss and trauma? Join Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley in an interview with grief expert Linda Goldman, adjunct professor John Hopkins Graduate School and Kings College. Author of A Guide to Help Children with Complicated Grief and Raising Our Children to Be Resilient. Join the conversation by sharing your own thoughts and questions. Join from PC, Mac, Linux, iOS or Android: https://zoom.us/j/7993105222 Or iPhone one-tap : US: +16699006833,,7993105222# or +14086380968,,7993105222# Or Telephone: Dial(for higher quality, dial a number based on your current location): US: +1 669 900 6833 or +1 408 638 0968 or +1 646 876 9923 Meeting ID: 799 310 5222
  8. Oh Kevin, I'm so sorry. Of course you feel sad, as well as relieved. Your kitty has been with you for a very long time, and undoubtedly a constant and well-loved companion. Do allow yourself to mourn the loss of him. It is a testament to the love you shared with him. ♥
  9. Poetry

    R.L. Nona is identified as the person who wrote it, Kay.
  10. From The University of Arizona: March 16, 2018 Study on Emotion Regulation and Social Support We are interested in how close friends and family may help individuals cope with their grief after the death of a loved one. We are recruiting adults aged 18 years or older, who have experienced the death of a loved one. In this study, you would participate in an online survey. The anonymous survey includes questions about your close friends and family, as well as your thinking, feelings, health, and behaviors. The survey is entirely online, so no campus visits are necessary and you can participate from anywhere in the country. If you would like to participate, you can directly access the survey by clicking on https://uarizona.grief or by pasting the following link into your browser's address bar: https://uarizona.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_85MuunavEgJQ0kt . As part of the study, you will also have the chance to win one of five Kindle Fires. If you think you would like more information, or have questions about the study, please call 520-626-5383 or toll free 1-877-518-4630. Or you can email, Eva-Maria Stelzer (stelzeea@email.arizona.edu). An Institutional Review Board responsible for human subjects research at The University of Arizona reviewed this research project and found it to be acceptable. We thank you for your willingness to help us understand the experience of grief and to advance science!
  11. Katie, I'm so sorry. One unbearable loss after another. Too much. Way too much. My thoughts and prayers are with you . . .
  12. Poetry

    INSPIRATIONAL WEEKLY Grief Poem 124 Dayenu by R.L. Nona If we had been given one more year to watch the sun set on the far mountains, float on our backs in salt ponds shaded by ancient willows that protest the weight of their leaves, and hold each other close as the seasons cycle. First in the lush sensual green of a damp summer, I stare into your sunglasses and see the blood orange rainbow of fall, and in winter our sleigh tracks lazy curves and the dogs complain as they sink knee deep and can't keep up. It is spring and the earth explodes with flower and fruit, And we lie in the grass dripping early juices into our mouths to the whine of hornets that never touch us for a force field of love protects us. If we had been given one more year It would have been enough. If we had been given one more month it would have to be July we would watch the moon shape shift on the still surface of the pond, and we would rise early and never sleep for the days are so long, the sky so blue, and the earth warm and fecund. We climb trails and the deer are amazed by our audacity, Who are we to intrude? they wonder aloud. Ignoring them, we climb higher until we find the blue stream whose waters taste like honey. If we had been given one more month It would have been enough. If we had been given one more week, we'd all lay in our big bed the children between us telling them over and over that all would be well until they pretended to believe it and went about their lives sharing our lie. then we would drive all day and night until we found the perfect beach and no matter what time of year, the water would be clear and warm and we would snorkel among the coral petting the puppy dog Grouper who followed us. After the sun would set with a green flash we would dance every step we ever learned for hours as diamond encrusted skies spiraled above us, and never sleep--there would be time enough for that later. If we had been given one more week It would have been enough. If we had been given one more day we would spend it in each other's arms and recount every moment of our lives together and take comfort in what we had been gifted and as the sun set our tears would flow together and we would smile through them and our lips would touch. If we had been given one more day It would have been enough. If had been given one more minute, just one, I would look into your eyes and my soul would jump the space between us and I would live forever inside your heart and we would be one spirit forever. If we had been given one more minute It would have been enough.
  13. Maui Pasta Arizona made it at last

    Your love story is one for the ages, Steve ~ and it warms my heart ♥
  14. Steph, several of our members have experienced what we would consider ADC's (After-Death Communications). In addition to the responses you'll receive from our members, you may find this article to be of interest. Notice, too, the links to additional resources at its base: Voices of Experience: Death of a Friend and the Lesson of Feathers