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Everything posted by MartyT

  1. I am a transgender

    My friend, you don't say how old you are, which would be my first concern as you make this important life decision. You ask if you'll regret having this surgery, and without knowing you and your individual circumstances, I wouldn't presume to offer my advice. You say you have a lot of questions in your mind, and it seems to me that no surgeon would offer this procedure without first making certain that those questions have been addressed ~ and then pointing you to resources and support groups specifically designed to do just that. That said, I agree with Kay's response. Since you have access to the Internet, you would do well to do go online to find information and resources that are relevant to you. For example, having clicked on the link you provided in your post, I see that a Patient Resources section is provided, and that might be a good place to start.
  2. Articles Worth Reading

    Getting Through Special Days By Pat Schwiebert, R.N. pat@tearsoup.com I’m amazed at how miserable we are able to make ourselves. It’s bad enough that we have to deal with loss, but the added burden of a calendar full of land mines can just send us over the top when we think about getting through the first few years of a major loss. We feel worse on Mother’s Day, if that’s even possible, after our children have died. We miss our mothers on that same day if they are no longer with us. Valentine’s Day can bring a sad reminder of a love lost. If a loved one dies on a holiday we might never want to enjoy that day again. New Year’s Day reminds us that the life we knew is over and Thanksgiving begs us to look for things we are grateful for, even when we are not feeling grateful at all. Any day that used to bring fond memories of times past can be full of torment when that day rolls around. Our culture sets us up with high expectations for celebration only to have joy taken from us. The calendar can be our worst enemy. Days jump off the pages almost as if they are daring us to try to enjoy ourselves with others and make the most of a difficult time. I wonder if we actually come to dread these special days even more than we used to look forward to them. Read on here >>>
  3. How utterly horrible for everyone concerned, Pixie. I'm so sorry
  4. Lainey, dear one, my heart hurts for you. Life can be so very unfair ~ so difficult for us mortals to even begin to understand, much less accept. It's good to know that you've found your way back here to us, but I'm so sorry for the reason that brought you here ~ again. Even though we have no explanations, no solutions, no answers, and no cures, most certainly we share in your pain, and we are touching your wounds with gentle and tender hands.
  5. One year later

    Lots of relevant resources are attached to the base of this article, if you are interested: In Grief: Mourning The Loss of a Friend
  6. Yes, Butch. Exactly. ♥
  7. I pray for the day, dear Tom, when those precious memories bring you comfort and warmth instead of sorrow and pain. ♥
  8. My friend, I cannot say it any better than Kay just did. I hope you will feel welcome here, as you find yourself among kindred spirits. We often say here that grief is better dealt with when it is shared, and no one will understand what you are thinking and feeling more than those who've experienced a loss that is similar to your own. Your fellow widows and widowers are your best source of support. It also helps, I believe, to learn all you can about what is normal (and therefore to be expected) in grief, so you'll feel less "crazy" and alone in your reactions. As you come to know us here, you'll find lots of useful information and suggestions for coping too. As the saying goes, you can take what is worth keeping, discover what does and does not work for you, and let the rest of it go by.
  9. From our hearts to yours, dear Butch, with gratitude to e e cummings: i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling) i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true) and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
  10. Seems as if someone was sending you a very timely message, dear Maryann ♥
  11. Lyrics When God calls me home And my soul is laid to rest That won't mean I'm gone Darling, heaven knows I'll love you just the same So, don't you feel alone You may cry a tear or two and that's okay Just know I'll never be too far away I'll be sleeping in the stars Shining through the dark Watching, smiling, singing out into silence Everywhere you are I'll be sleeping in the stars Some steps that we take Leave an everlasting mark Even death can't take away So, if you're missing me Just look inside your heart And let the memories play You may cry a tear or two and that's okay Look up and know I'm not that far away I'll be sleeping in the stars Shining through the dark Watching, smiling, singing out in the silence Everywhere you are I'll be sleeping in the stars I'll be sleeping in the stars Shining through the dark Watching, smiling, singing out into silence Everywhere you are I'll be sleeping in the stars Everywhere you are I'll be sleeping in the stars Written by Gareth John Owen Dunlop, Jaida Dreyer, Mark Irwin Abramson • Copyright © Universal Music Publishing Group, Ole Media Management Lp
  12. You are more than welcome, dear Gabbie ~ and I, for one, will be thinking of you and your son on his special day (as you continue to sing his song) ♥
  13. Significant Quotes

    Sharing this beautiful message just received from our dear friend and colleague, Peggy Haymes: Dear Marty, This fall, with the leadership of Chelsy Mitchell, the Novant Health Chaplains created our own version of the lovingkindness blessing. I have this blessing over my desk at the hospital, and have started the spiritual practice of focusing on one line each day. That line become my mantra, and I repeat it as I go about my day. It has become incredibly meaningful for me. I share it with you with the hopes that you may also find meaning and spiritual practice. May your way be delighted with unexpected blessings this season. Peggy May I be present May I know deep in my heart and bones that I am enough May I be a vessel of God's Spirit May I create space for healing, hope, and pause May I be a blessing May I creatively lean into the wild and precious life May I be joyous May the wisdom of God be with me May I truly rest May I be filled so I can pour myself out for others May I understand how much I am loved May I find Sabbath, Shabbat, and Shalom May I have more love May I find badly needed peace and healing May I bask in the glow of God's love May I live with authenticity and vulnerability May I be at peace with others *************************************** May you be present May you know deep in your heart and bones that you are enough May you be a vessel of God's Spirit May you create space for healing, hope, and pause May you be a blessing May you creatively lean into the wild and precious life May you be joyous May the wisdom of God be with you May you truly rest May you be filled so you can pour yourself out for others May you understand how much you am loved May you find Sabbath, Shabbat, and Shalom May you have more love May you find badly needed peace and healing May you bask in the glow of God's love May you live with authenticity and vulnerability May you be at peace with others ************************************** May all beings be present May all beings know deep in their heart and bones that they are enough May all beings be a vessel of God's Spirit May all beings create space for healing, hope, and pause May all beings be a blessing May all beings creatively lean into the wild and precious life May all beings be joyous May the wisdom of God be with all beings May all beings truly rest May all beings be filled so they can pour themselves out for others May all beings understand how much they am loved May all beings find Sabbath, Shabbat, and Shalom May all beings have more love May all beings find badly needed peace and healing May all beings bask in the glow of God's love May all beings live with authenticity and vulnerability May all beings be at peace with others
  14. My dear, I am so sorry to learn of the death of your father and your mother's serious illness. You don't say what, if any, bereavement support you've received so far, but if your mom is on a hospice service, you are eligible for whatever bereavement services they offer (at no cost), and I urge you to ask your mother's case manager how you might take advantage of those services. You need and deserve whatever support you can find ~ and of course you are most welcome to stay here with us as you continue on this most challenging journey. I hope you'll take some time to explore some of the forums you'll find here and, as you come to know us, you will find that you are among kindred spirits. We're all in this struggle together, and we're so sorry that you're now a member of our tribe ~ but pleased that you've found your way here. Welcome. ♥
  15. My dear Gabbie, a very wise woman once wrote about our deceased loved ones that, if their song is to continue, then we must do the singing ~ and I just love that thought. You know your children better than I do, but it could be that, in an effort to "protect" you, your kids know very well that this is their brother's birthday, but are intentionally acting as if this is a day like any other, all because they don't want to "upset" you. Some people erroneously believe that reminding you in any way of the one who died will only add to your pain ~ as if you're not in pain already! As if, even for one second, you could forget that your precious son was born on his birthday, and as if, even for one second, you could forget that he lived. If you want to acknowledge your son's birthday ~ and what is more, if you want your family members to remember the date of his birth ~ then it may be up to you to make this day more than just another date on the calendar. You can do this in the privacy of your own heart and mind, or you can make the day as special as you like and include as many others to join you as you like. Just please don't suffer in silence ~ and know that no, you are NOT "making something out of nothing" or "making too much of this." See, for example, And Many More: Celebrating a Deceased Loved One's Birthday ♥
  16. Very dear Anne, we're all sending our very best wishes for your special day, and hoping that it is filled with love and lots of CHOCOLATE. Have a glass of wine with us tonight, and as we offer a toast in your honor on your birthday, we know that your precious Jim is smiling down upon his dear and lovely lady too, each and every day! <3 <3 <3
  17. Memorial service protocol

    My dear, you sound like a very kind and thoughtful young lady, and I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. Your story reminds me of another person who wrote to me after his best friend died. He wanted so badly to reach out to his friend's mother, but was reluctant to do so because he wasn't sure how she would react. In this exchange entitled In Grief: Mourning The Death of A Friend, you can read what I said to this young man about his dilemma, along with what he decided to do and how it turned out for him. You might find his story helpful as you decide whether to contact your friend's mom and whether to invite her to the memorial you are planning ~ and be sure to see some of the articles about friend loss listed at the end, too. As you think about creating your memorial service, you may find this article helpful as well (along with the related articles included there too): Grief Rituals Can Help on Any Special Day Finally, for what it's worth, I am a mom myself, and I can assure you that, if one of my grown sons had died and one of his best friends ever called to invite me to a memorial service she was planning in his honor, it would warm my heart to know that I was not the only one who loved and missed my son ~ and I'd be deeply touched that she cared enough to want to include me in her remembrance of him. ♥
  18. Blessings to you as well, dear Janka ~ and thank you! ♥
  19. Unreal, isn't it, Karen ~ the joys of getting older, I mean ~ and I hear ya! I'm just glad to know that you pay careful attention to these weird little bumps and get them taken care of right away. As for what to get your guys for the holidays, I'm sure your presence is present enough for them ~ I know that it certainly is for us, and we're so grateful that you're still one of us! ♥
  20. See also Coping with The Holidays: Suggested Resources 2017 ♥
  21. Dear Darrel, it's so nice to hear from you again! You can't imagine how many times your famous line, "one foot in front of the other," has been quoted by our members! It's such a perfect way to describe how we all manage to walk this path we're all on, no matter how far we've come, or how far we have to go, or how quickly or how slowly we go. I'm so sorry to learn that you were touched so hard by Hurricane Harvey. Thank Heaven you're safe and sound, although I'm sure this horrible experience of losing the biggest part of your personal belongings represented yet another major loss for you. Having narrowly escaped Irma here in Florida, I have some idea of the fear and devastation such a storm can cause ~ including the frantic preparation and anxiety we experience just waiting for it to hit and the exhausting work of cleaning up the destruction it has left behind. I wish for you exactly what you've wished for all of us: good health and happiness ~ and I hope you can feel the warmth and love we feel for you, as we all wrap you in a virtual "welcome home" hug. ♥
  22. Significant Quotes

    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make a difference that you have lived and lived well.’ Ralph Waldo Emerson These are powerful words that are necessary reminders that growth is seldom peaceful and easy. Evolution is serious business and if you have come into this lifetime to grow your soul, then today's quote likely rings all too true. Between reality TV, the ridiculous highlight reel brand of social media shares that the vast majority of society imbibes in, and the photo shopped reality the advertising world envelops us in every day- it is easy to fall into the false belief that ‘everyone else out there is happy…’ Call me a pessimist but carte blanche happiness is a dead end road. Struggle is the thing that helps to form the very best parts of who we are. My opinion on this is rather strong- having spent 25 years as a grief therapist, I have watched time and again how the most extreme life circumstances can bring the most extraordinary gifts. Happy is a great thing to strive toward, but do not make happiness alone your goal in life. Let it come in and go out in waves… And when the tides of life bring you into deep waters- on those days, make sure that you are useful, honorable, and compassionate- because when happiness is far away, it is these things that will allow you to be buoyant. Copyright © 2017 | Dr. Annette Childs | All rights reserved. Our mailing address is: 7739 East Broadway Blvd. Suite 247 Tucson, AZ 85710 Would you like to change how you receive these emails? You can update your preferences or unsubscribe from this list.