michelles

Alice, Your words are so touching and beautiful. Your father must have been a wonderful man. Treasure the times you had with him. Michelle

Hi Alice, I just read your story about your father. I know it must have been so hard for you. I lost my grandfather to colon cancer 23 years ago, I was only 10 years old at the time,and did not know what was going on. That however did not stop me from missing him. My grandmother died in 1987, I was 18 and my life just collapsed. She raised me and was more like a mother. But the worst thing that happened to me was 11 weeks ago, when my baby girl died. I was 22 weeks pregnant and went into premature labor due to an incompetent cervix. I know it is a different type of loss we are experiencing,but it is our loss. You lost your father and I lost my child. Julianna was my first pregnancy, and I had so many plans for her, and they were taken away from me. I was so scared the moment it happened. My husband got called into work,and I kept having these urges to go to the bathroom- I did not know what a contraction felt like, and when my water broke the baby came out immediately. I called 911 and the ems came and broke down the door. Julianna only cried for a second or two. They cut the cord and rushed her to the hospital, I followed in another ambulance. I knew it was too soon for her in my heart. I knew her lungs weren't mature enough for her to survive on her own. I was able to hold her in my arms before she died- 4 hours later. I am seeing a therapist,I go to the bereavement groups, and I have gone on many sites and I am not alone. I have spoken with a few women that have expereinced this. I pray that you find peace in knowing your father is in heaven,along with my daughter and all the other angels. Remember and treasure all the years you had to spend with him. How he was able to walk you down the aisle when you got married and saw the birth of your son. He had to be a very special man to have struggled with his disease. He is not suffering now, and you will see him again when you go to heaven, believe that. When you look at your son sleeping, and he looks like a little angel remember your father is with him every day and is watching over him. God Bless you and your entire family. Michelles

Carol, I am terribly sorry to hear of the loss of your sister. It must be a terrible time in your life for you and your family. Your sister is in a better place now and no longer is dealing with pain of her disease. However you,her children and the rest of your family must deal with the pain of knowing she is no longer with you. I ,also, have a loss- a totally different one. I lost my daughter on May 18-preterm labor. I was 22 weeks and was diangnosed with an incompetent cervix. I was totally terrified and all alone when this happened (my husband got called into work) and I didn't know what to do. I don't know were I got the strength to call 911, while holding my precious baby in my arms, but I did. It did not look good, she was born alive but her hear rate dropped drastically. She only lived for 4 1/2 hours. They cleaned her up and gave her to me to hold. I held her in my arms, and watched her gasping every 2-3 minutes for breath. I felt like I was dying myself,my husband was also able to hold her before she died- so that gave us some comfort. They then took her up to NICU, and I went up to my room. At 8AM,the pediatrician came in and told me she had died at 6:37, and asked if I wanted them to bring her into me. God gave me the strength to bond with my baby,even though she was gone. I treasure the hours I held her, and hold onto my memories of her. I buried her with all of the other babies in the catholic cemetery by me, and I know she is watching over me every single day. That,however, does not stop the tears that fall every single day. We baptized her and name her Julianna Francesca. Carol, remeber your sister and allow your tears to flow. For she is now in a better place and is no longer in pain. Please be strong ,if not for yourself-for her children. They have lost their mother, and they must be struggling just as much as you are. Just remember all of the good times you spent with her growing up together, and that will give you the strength to go on. Email me anytime you want to vent out. I have found it is the best to talk to people, sometimes total stranges sympathize and understand better than anyone else. For me it is very much true. Michelles

Dear George, I am terribly sorry to have heard your story about your daughter. I too have lost a daughter, quite differently than your loss. My Julianna was born on May 18,2003 and died only 4 1/2 hrs later. You had your baby girl for 13 wonderful glorious years, and I am sure she gave you and your wife joy during those 13 years. I would have given my life if it would have made my daughter survive,but she was born to soon and would not have been able to survive. I don't know what or if any religion you believe in, but I pray to the Blessed Mother to help give me strength to cope. I wanted a baby in the worst way, and after 5 1/2 yrs of marriage it finally happened. My husband and I were so thrilled, and when I found out the baby was a girl I was ecstatic. Then when she was born (at 22 weeks) my life could have just ended along with hers,but it didn't. I now have gone through the worst 10 weeks of my life. Knowing that each day that passes is one more day my Julianna is in heaven. Now all I have left of her are my Memories, and a few pictures taken at the hospital. So, George, remember your daughter and all of the precious years you spent with her. What she did to herself was cruel to you and your wife. She must have been scared to have done such a thing,but she is in maybe a better place now where she can hurt no more. I pray for you and your family to find strength and guidance........... Michelles