I'm 22 and my mom passed away unexpectedly on January 31. She wasn't feeling well for a few months and kept going to the doctor but they couldn't figure out anything. The last time she went they sent her to the emergency room where she died 5 hours later. My dad was by her side the whole time. My brother was at home and I was in Oklahoma City at a Christian concert with my boyfriend. I had asked her before I went if she wanted me to come to the ER with her and she said no she'd probably be fine. Before she had left I gave her a hug and told her I loved her. She said she was so weak that she felt like the life was being drained out of her and that she now knew what it was like to wish you would die. When she passed away my dad said it was terrifying because she had all this strength that came out of nowhere. She saw 2 angels because her pupils got really big and she looked to the left, then to the right and took her last breath. We had an autopsy done and still haven't found out the results. I'm sure we will have to relive it all over again. My parents 27th anniversary would have been Feb.17th. I'm in dental hygiene school which is very stressful in itself and now this. We had never had any kind of loss like this. My dad, me, and my brother are devastated. Everything seemed so clear to me at first. I knew she was in Heaven and everything happens for a reason. But now I sometimes feel like I'm going downhill. There are so many people that care about us that we didn't even realize. People came to the viewing and the funeral that my dad hadn't spoken to in 25 years. It was amazing but didn't lessen the pain. My dad goes to a grief counseling group and it has really helped him. He still cries everyday. I can't cry everyday because I have to pretend everything is okay while I'm at school. I just can't believe this has happened to us. We had such a perfect family. We all loved each other so much. My mom seemed to know everything about everything. My boyfriend proposed to me April 10th in front of our families. It was bittersweet. It was perfect except that my mom wasn't there. There's so many things I find myself wanting to ask my mom for advice and now I can't. Sometimes I find myself feeling angry that my fiance has a mom and I don't. It just doesn't seem fair. I would never wish anything bad of course. I guess I'm just jealous. I go to the cemetary and just cry really hard because I want my momma back. Then I try to tell myself that I will see her again. My mom was supposed to watch my kids when I had them because that's what she did for a living and she was very good at it. I will never find anyone that will raise my kids the way she would have. Sometimes I think I don't even want kids now. But that thought passes like all the other ones. Everyone tells me to be strong and take care of my dad. Sometimes I just swallow my tears until he goes to work.
