Hi! my name is Diane and I lost my husband, Dan, to cancer on the 23rd of May , 2003. We had only been married 5 years, been together for 9 1/2. this was a second marriage for both of us, and we were so very connected. We always said how we wished we had met each other in our younger days and avoided the conflicts that our 1st marriages brought. Dan was diagnosed in October, 2002 and we were told that, although he was in stage 4 already, there was a good chance for stopping the growth and spread. Obviously, treatment didn't work. As a matter of fact, it was a nightmere. Anyway, we stopped all treatment in February and had as much quality time as we could. I just wish I could stop missing him so much. I still can't bring myself to wash the last shirt he wore or to take his things off his dresser. Sometimes, the grief is so strong that it is a physical pain that makes it impossible to breathe or move. I am a trained counselor and I know that there is no timeline for grief, but I sink into depression so easily. Sometimes I wonder why I go on. But, Dan would never accept that as a way to live and I pick myself up and keep going. I am a PhD student and run therapy groups for men who batter. I used to be a school counselor at an alternative high school but quit that job to stay home and take care of Dan. Now, my days just spin on with no structure. I go to classes, do my papers, earn my A's, but often feel like it has no meaning. I hate feeling this way! It just isn't "me"! Our families are 700 miles away....a good an bad thing. Anyway, that's me in a nutshell. Hoping this group helps. I participated in a parents group severl years ago and the support and help was tremendous. glad to meet y'all! Diane