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kayc

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About kayc

  • Rank
    KayC
  • Birthday October 7

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Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Oakridge Oregon
  • Interests
    I lead a grief support group and I enjoy volunteering in my church (Treasurer & on Praise Team, choir) and the senior site, where I do the bingo prizes. I love stamping, hiking, nature, singing. I am a retired Office Mgr./Bkpr.

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    spouse
  • Date of Death
    June 19, 2005
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Eugene OR

Recent Profile Visitors

9,221 profile views
  1. When George died they did consider weight with cremation price, don't know if it goes by range or what. If so, I'm in trouble with my dog, he's a big boy, but he's worth every penny. My kids are in trouble with me too, although I'll leave more than enough to cover it.
  2. I know. In the end I am glad things worked out the way they did for us but I do miss him, he has the most terrific sense of humor and was very intelligent, good values, I enjoyed his company. But his Asperger's might have drove me nuts. Still, he is a worthwhile person I'm glad I'm friends with. And he took care of me last year when I had eye surgery. You may feel more like resuming as friends later on down the road after you've had a chance to get over him, but you may not either, time will tell. Just do what's best for YOU. You need to be #1 in your life.
  3. I am not surprised at his response, I was kind of afraid of that, but it'll blow over and like you said, it's up to him now, you did what you felt obligated to do. Make note of it and the conversation in case anything comes up about it in the future. My kids' dad was an ODOT (Oregon Dept of Transportation) and he had to carry around a booklet that he logged details into about conversations, etc., anything he thought might have potential for coming back to raise its head and many were the time he was glad he did. It helps to have dates, times, who, where, etc. I'm glad he's removing her from you too, now you can focus on what you're good at! I know (wishing your dad were here), oh how I've been missing my mom! If nothing else, she understood what it is to be totally alone and have to deal with everything, she was widowed for 32 years! At least she had me to talk to, my daughter doesn't answer the phone and my son is busy so I hate to bother him unless I have to. I've been going through a lot lately with computer/internet issues and my wood stove. After spending $1400 for firewood and $3000 for a new wood stove and my son and his contractor friend spending all day installing it and the chimney and removal of the old one, it worked for a week and this week got progressively worse. It was 67-68 in here and with the cold rains and wind it just felt cold, and that was on high! I was afraid the catalytic compressor wasn't working and I felt so discouraged. Yesterday I emailed my son and he called last night. He asked a barrage of questions and figured out the problem, the thermostat hadn't been screwed down tight enough and it had moved, so the "settings" I was using were no longer in correlation to where it was at. What I thought was high was now low! He's going to give me the special wrench I need to tighten it down and then I'll memorize wherever it's at now and adjust accordingly. Now it's 75 in here and I'm toasted out! Sometimes all this worrying for nothing, but I didn't know that. He's put Windows 7 and Linux on my PC so I'll pick it up and drop off my laptop so he can do the same to it. I may be w/o the computer a couple of days while I hook it up and load stuff back onto it. I'll miss my laptop, I've always had it as backup! On top of what was going on with Microsoft Updates going nuts, my router went out. I thought it was related but it was coincidental. I still can't believe it quit shortly after the warranty expired! Oh well, I can live without that for a while. Sometimes just having someone to talk to helps us sort through all this stuff. I guess that's why I'm missing my mom and you're missing your dad. Sometimes I didn't get appropriate response from my mom because of her problems but I could always try and sometimes she understood.
  4. Worse days are coming..

    Wow, we get 2/3 here, and if you're still under the income guidelines you get food stamps. I didn't qualify when I was on unemployment years ago but I wasn't double minimum wage...still our min, wage may be higher than yours (I'm in OR), it's more than Fed. I guess it doesn't hurt to try. I did qualify for $10 off my landline every month and $250 off elec. bill annually. That varies state to state. A friend in IL only has to pay $35/mo for her elec. bill because of her low income and all her medical expenses are covered free of charge. She's even getting dentures for free! I think the elec. supplement will be ending though, a lot of grants are getting cut this year. I really hope all works out for you, I know how hard hitting all of these worries can be, sometimes they can overwhelm you and it helps to have someone to talk to, a form of release. I understand about your dog, I know you'll miss her but you'll likely feel relieved when she's placed because you won't have to worry about her safety anymore. I hope you find a wonderful home for her! I'm also glad to hear you do have family to fall back on. It's not a good feeling to think about being homeless.
  5. Grieving My Old Life

    Mindy, I'm sorry things aren't going as you'd hoped. It sounds like these are true friends, and if so, I'd host them for the weekend, even though it sounds like it couldn't come at a worse time for you. It sounds like they're using you for a B&B and spending their time elsewhere and that doesn't feel good. Still, for the sake of friendship, I'd abide with it. You've already told them you're busy packing to move, don;t have the furniture, busy, etc. and it sounds like it fell on deaf ears. Could it be the friendship revolved around the two children's friendship? If so, sometimes things change and maybe you didn't notice things before in your effort to make it work for their sake. I hope for the best for you and hope you do get some quality time together beyond cooking and cleaning. There's time company feels disruptive, when you're not in a state of readiness and didn't invite it especially.
  6. Hi, I'm glad you caught me before I left for a couple of days, I'll be offline so am glad I have a chance to respond first. I'm very sorry for what you''re going through...been there. Your poor BF, he's been through so much, I can't imagine so many losses at once! As you've already seen if you've been reading here, this is a common grief response, although not everyone responds this way...a certain segment of people feel they can't do a relationship at the same time as they're grieving. In his case he still has his father and aunt fighting for their lives. In my case, my fiance of one year broke up with me by FedEx, it came to my office so I wasn't even afforded the luxury of dealing with it privately. Very humiliating, and I was totally blindsided and heartbroken. In these situations it's best not to talk relationship talk with them because it causes them to feel more pressure which they can't handle, but you're saying you don't want advice so I'll leave it with that. There is no way of knowing when he'll be ready for a relationship because everyone is unique and so is his situation. He has a lot to get used to. In my situation I considered him worth having as a friend even without the relationship and after a few months break we resumed contact and are friends today these seven years later. He has not dated since, neither have I, but we are older and that factors in, plus it hurt my ability to trust...and it hurt his ability to trust himself. He felt if he could do this to me he couldn't trust himself not to hurt someone else if things went wrong in life, and since none of us have guarantees... I'm glad you realize it is the situation and not you personally. My personal feelings are that I wouldn't want to be with someone if they could just up and ditch me just like that, I want someone who loves me through thick and thin, and wants to go through life together...or not at all. I've pretty much chosen the not at all because I had the right person once and he died, I just haven't ever met anyone else that loved me like that or vice versa. My only advice in moving forward to aid you in getting over this is keep busy, work on yourself, spend time with family and friends, a good time to join a gym or take up a class. It took me a few months but we do get over even this. I know how painful this is. It is good to work on forgiving him so it doesn't affect who you are, we do it for ourselves more than anyone as they often don't even realize it.
  7. I hope the rain abates long enough to allow you to spread it, maybe Tuesday and Wednesday. Right now it's pouring rain!
  8. I have a sister who is doing just that, I term it "passive suicide". She doesn't put a gun to her head, but with her depression, she doesn't want to live, she smokes even though she has COPD, and has her candy bar drawer in spite of her Diabetes. It's hard because I don't want to lose her but I don't get a choice in it. And she hasn't even lost her husband!
  9. It has been very painful for me to walk in recent months since my fall, but that's getting better now, I can imagine how much you miss it, I would feel the same way if I couldn't walk. As it is, sometimes it's very hard with all that I have going on with my feet and my knees, and sometimes my back. Sometimes the walks are shorter, sometimes they're slower, but so far, I still go on them.
  10. Sorry For Your Loss

    Yesterday a friend mentioned it would have been her wedding anniversary had her husband still been alive. It hit me hard because it was also my wedding anniversary...had my husband still been alive. All this time I hadn't realized we had the same anniversary. It's like it brought what was in the back of my mind all day to the surface to be confronted and dealt with.
  11. Worse days are coming..

    I hope you'll try for obamacare again. Sometimes one person puts it through differently than another, I've experienced that. It shouldn't make a difference, but it can. I've never heard of food stamps being deducted from unemployment, maybe your state laws are different. https://careertrend.com/can-you-get-food-stamps-when-collecting-unemployment-12401397.html This article states it can help you get other benefits. I know Amazon offers Prime for $5.99/mo to those on food stamps. Low Income Energy Assistance Program (LIEAP) also offers help with utilities, the amount varies by location. You can also get help with your telephone bill if on it. I will pray your dad gets a job right away. He can adjust his resume according to the place he's applying for so he doesn't appear overqualified, sometimes just leaving off some things he did or somewhere he worked. I had that problem before too. Good luck to both of you. It's hard enough having to rehome the dog.
  12. Articles Worth Reading

    Beautiful. It's so important to extend hope to those newer to this, they can't see it yet. At my senior site there is much laughter, and kinship. I look around and MOST of them are widowed.
  13. Just got through listening to it. For those who don't realize, you can sign up for her emails.
  14. I walk my dog twice a day, every day, whether I'm injured, it's icy, pouring rain, or what. My doctor said whatever I do, don't quit walking. I figure she thinks I'd expire on the spot if I did, so I keep walking. It may be all that's holding me together. Besides, it makes us feel better. It's amazing to me what I notice on my walks that you don't notice if you're driving. Deer. A caterpillar, a snake, birds, animal interaction, all kinds of plants, changes. The county could use me to report when the blackberries are taking over the road, they don't notice but I do.
  15. Sorry For Your Loss

    It can be a heart felt sentiment, and I'd try to take it in the light of it's offer. I'd rather someone say they're sorry for my loss that tell me I need to move on. One thing I've realized is that we're very sensitive when we're grieving and things that normally wouldn't bother us greatly offend us now. Sometimes it's not what people say so much as how we are feeling. We just can't take much in early grief. I agree when it's just a platitude that is not heart felt it might be best not to say it, but they feel a need to say something...what?? Silence can be deafening too.
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