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About kayc

  • Rank
  • Birthday October 7

Profile Information

  • Your gender
  • Location (city, state)
    Oakridge Oregon
  • Interests
    I lead a grief support group and I enjoy volunteering in my church (Treasurer & on Praise Team, choir) and the senior site, where I do the bingo prizes. I love stamping, hiking, nature, singing. I am a retired Office Mgr./Bkpr.

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
    June 19, 2005
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Eugene OR

Recent Profile Visitors

11,061 profile views
  1. It's been a long time since this thread has surfaced. I have to say I miss seeing George post on it.
  2. We all do, Brad, you're one of us. I don't know what that looks like, I can't say as I'm searching for anything but have learned to be content, as content as I can with my George gone.
  3. Oh Darrel, I can't imagine how hard it must have been to watch her suffering. And Mitch too, watching his precious Tammy suffer. I only went through a couple of days of knowing my husband probably wasn't going to make it, I can't imagine the slow grueling slippery slide into death. It's something no one should have to go through. As wonderful as our lives were together, as perfect our love and happy our marriages, this is the hard price we're paying. Today is 13 years since my husband left here to wait for me in heaven. To say I miss him is an understatement. It's weird looking back after 13 years, he still looks the same,while I've aged. My hair is now white in the front, and I'm no longer the young bride he married. I look back at our pictures when we met and I looked so young...would he still love me as an old woman? You betcha he would! Oh my goodness, my George, I miss you! We wish only for their happiness.
  4. Katie, I wish we could all go back to that morning and stop him, but you can't stop what you don't know. You guys tried, he was in therapy, getting help, you were supportive of him, you shared your children generously with him. Suicide is a sad fact of life.
  5. kayc

    To Let Go or Not?

    Well your father's done something right. He's raised a wonderful young man, thoughtful and well mannered.
  6. Father's Day is and always will be hard for me. I hope the Fathers here had a good day, as good a day as they can under the circumstances. I think I have been in too much pain to think of much else. Didn't make it to church so didn't get to do "Pies for the guys" (we bake pies to give out to the men on Father's Day). George died in a hospital worrying about his pie, it was Father's Day 2005. He didn't get his pie.
  7. Ours was camping. I haven't been camping since. I finally gave our camping trailer to my son. It's not the same without George, just not.
  8. Darrel, It took me ten years to get to the point where I could read books all the way through for enjoyment again. And I used to have a couple of books going all the time! It took me a year before I could watch any t.v. or a movie. And I still don't have my previous enjoyment of my hobby, making cards. George used to love watching me make cards, he said I made happy sounds, like whistling and humming. So you're not alone in how you're feeling. Keep plugging along, it can take a very long time but it can improve a bit, perhaps your interests will change, but you will find something eventually. I do enjoy being around people again. And I enjoy my dog immensely.
  9. I am having a super bad reaction to an antibiotic for my ear infections...this "reaction" is worse than any pain I've ever known, I'm wiped out from it. Didn't sleep at all night before last. Went back to the doctor yesterday, felt I wasted my time and effort. I hope it starts improving soon. If it wasn't for my animals I'd probably have someone drive me to the hospital. But then if the doctor wasn't worried, I guess I should just give it time to pass...hopefully it does pass! I bought a different car yesterday, my son is going to sell mine, I decided I need a four door automatic, I'm getting old and with the injuries I got last year (not to mention the time I broke my right elbow) it hurts to drive a stick shift, hold the clutch in, etc. Plus (picture this) most of my friends are in their 80s...a couple of months ago I drove them to a luncheon 50 miles away...Getting them into the backseat wasn't a problem, getting them OUT was a whole different ballgame! Picture me pulling, prying, pushing, you name it to get some 89 year old ladies out. I thought I was going to have to call for a crane! The episodes of laughter didn't help our cause any.
  10. You are anything but weak or abnormal, I didn't get that out of the articles at all. If a person needs antidepressants or antianxiety medicine because of chemical imbalances, losing your spouse certainly isn't going to lessen that need! I take anti-anxiety medicine, but then I'm GAD and have been all my life. I also used to be on antidepressants when I was married to my kids' dad, it helped me live through that time. I went off them when George and I got married, I found I just didn't need them anymore. The important thing to realize is whether you need this or whether you are trying to avoid your grief. I've never seen you as someone trying to avoid your grief, hell, you'd just love to have a break from it if you only could! This is not a judgment for anyone taking medications, when they're needed, they're essential. It's more a caution against avoiding necessary grief work by masking it with drugs. I don't see you doing that at all.
  11. kayc


    My heart goes out to you. I call my dog Little Boy (even when he was 140 lbs) so I understand your referring to your dog as your son, I feel that kinship. I love hearing you tell your stories about him...you did the kindest thing a parent can do, letting go when the pain gets too much for them. It is in thinking of his well being rather than your own that separates the mommies and daddies from the mere owners. I understand your wishing you hadn't gotten rid of his things, but those are not him, those are things he used that he no longer has need for. It is in our heaviest grief we want any part of them back.
  12. kayc


    I was just talking to a new neighbor who lost her dog, I told her next to losing my husband (13 years Tuesday), losing my pets is the hardest...dogs are so loving and they are our companions through life. I imagine what you are going through, I know how hard it is remembering everything and all of the triggers that her absence presents. (((hugs)))
  13. I'm feeling the "going through hell" thing right now, ear infections back with a vengeance, I went to the doctor on the 1st, took three Rxs for ten days, last one Sunday night, now here it is again, have to travel the 120 mile round trip to go to the doctor and pharmacy again tomorrow. Still not done with all the side effects from the last time! Needing to get another car, my favorite watch quit working, electricity went out. Life can be a struggle sometimes! Oh Marg, you shouldn't feel guilty, this is someone you cared about, a part of your history, we can care about more than one person and it takes nothing away from Billy or your love for him to show your respects. I don't see it as being unfaithful. George had a GF in his life for ten years, they remained friends, if I was dead and she died, he'd go to her grave and visit, I'm sure, and I wouldn't begrudge him any...good friends are hard to find and it's nice that someone remembers.
  14. kayc

    To Let Go or Not?

    We can't know if your dad will return to the father he was before or not, but I can tell you that grief changes us and that we are different after than we were before. I'm sure he loves you and your brother and probably doesn't have a clue that you guys feel a lack, it's very sad. Continue to love him. You want to balance hope with reality, sometimes it's hard to find that balance. For Father's Day continue to show your love for him even if it doesn't seem reciprocated. We are to forgive even as we have been forgiven. People may or may not appreciate that costly forgiveness but we have the satisfaction of having taken the high road and demonstrating what we'd like to see demonstrated. And who knows how far reaching that might be! Holding you and your brother in my prayers.