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STARKISS

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Everything posted by STARKISS

  1. Lost of indenpence

    Yes i did and i got a part and play à jewish woman..
  2. Lost of indenpence

    Hi everyone I have found since i have moved back to my hometown where i said good bye to my parents i seem to depend more on others it is like i am a child all over again. I never leave the house alone except for appointments. Finding it hard to venture out again..
  3. This is not the same as losing someone but after my parents both died in 2005 My close net family was gone too.. i found out just before my parents died alot of the family was faking being happy together. This went on for 12 years and very little time spend with each other I spoke up and told the family i needed my abusive fathers ashes to leave my room and so i was going to sccatter them and if they wanted to help i gave them a day and time and place.. It ended up with our lost family to reconnect that day.. something i thought i lost forever..
  4. Lost of indenpence

    I have decided to try out for our local church play it will also be with my close friend so not completely by myself but a new step for me..
  5. Uncle has stopped the chemo

    Just heard from my uncles family they are all doing well considering what is happening and they are hoping all the family understand his decision and wants them all to visit him soon.. I love my uncle and if i was in his way i would rather enjoy life instead of stuck in a hospital bed with strangers..
  6. Hi all My last uncle was diagnosed with bone cancer a while ago and now since all his brothers have now gone has decided to stop chemo.. i do understand but also i am sad for his family..just need to have faith he has decided to do what is best..
  7. I keep hearing that if you committ suicide you will go to hell.. the people at church and his pastor friends all celebrate his life and tell us all he is going to heaven.. Very confused...
  8. Well it has been 12 years

    Well i have said in another post that we finally scattered my parents remains. That is true but i also went through the week before with a whole lot of guilt over the fact i wanted my moms remains but not my dads.. i had the worst dreams over this decision whether or not to keep my dads.. Well as you might know we have dealt with the remains and i did decide to keep his remains a little bit as i had a suggestion to do it and if it bothered me i could get rid of them later.. Big decision for me to make it was hard But glad i did decide to keep some for Now..
  9. What i need to learn

    After my parents died i moved in to live with a sister and her family and than after 7 years i moved back to my home town with a friend . But have realized that i do not know how to understand all the emotions i am feeling. I do not know how i feel so now i am learning to recognizing what emotion i am feeling and bow to react to it. Sounds childish but i was very sheltered in my life so i never realized what i was truly feelings..
  10. Month of october

    Wow the month of October is really hard for me.. it is because it is thanksgiving day which was my moms second favorite holiday and also the month of her birthday. So October i have major tears even after 12 years..
  11. Thank you for yor kindness and i will continue to help support others too.
  12. Hi all it has been along time since i posted last. But i have been very hurt with family and have finally got the family to say yes to scattering my parents ashes.. the week before we did it i cried every day but the day came and we shared memories and even laughed. Afterward i had kept some of each of them even though i was abused by my dad i needed to keep him so when my healing was done and i learnt to forgive him i would have some of him.. This happened on october 29 2017.. Peace has come somewhat to me in the end..
  13. Hi All, I just lost my therapist and it is all my fault... I have just had an major blowout with my brother in law .... He yelled at me and he screamed so much... I need my mom so very badily right now I feel so alone... I just want her to say things are going to be okay.... I know what people are thinking... I need to grow up or just leave the house but where can I go I have no money and I am afraid.... Shelley
  14. Grief Healing Family

    Hi All, I just wanted everyone to know how special I think you all are, I mean you are all suffering in one way or another but you think of others when you are here... I have been so touched from the friendship I have made from all of you... You all have made me feel like I am so special... Thank you all Shelley
  15. Dear Dad, There are things I wish I had said to you, Things that should have been said but were not... First I want to say that eventhough our relationship had it's rocky parts I still really admired you... The way you left home to see the world at such a young age... The stories you shared with us as a family and going shopping was aways a joyful experience... I love you dad and I will always love you till the day we see each other.... Your daughter Shelley
  16. Hi All, well its another special day to remember my parents, I have been so up and down all day... I know that they are in a better place but I miss them so much... I just wish I could forget some of these special days so it would hurt less... I am seeking help from a hypnotherapist just to see if it would help me deal better .... I will keep you posted ... I start next weekend... shelley
  17. Hi All, I am wondering why I am still so emotional, It has been almost eight years since my parents died... I lost my dog a few years ago, and now the house where just is buried but now I am just back to crying alot more than I have in other years and I am so confused why I am so upset... I want to be normal, I am dealing with sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and depression and anxiety... I am on medications for depression and ADD and fear that I am going to stay sad ... I am scared to go and ask the doctor about it because she might put me on more medications... I just want to be normal... shelley
  18. Why Am I Feeling So Emotional Still

    Well, another special day to gether through tomorrow ... It would have been my parents wedding anniversary ... I just think that I am putting to much into the special days and becoming a really big cry baby... I am trying hypnosis to help deal with some of my grief issues I do still suffer with... shelley
  19. Things I Wish I Had Said

    As my parents wedding anniversary is coming up yet again.. I wish I could say that I had a normal life but I had far from a good one... I wish I had told them all I needed to tell them...shelley
  20. Mom And Dad's Wedding Anniversary

    Hi All, Here we are again, coming up to the date which would have been my parents wedding anniversary... I want to do something with the remains of my parents on that day and was all set to set something up but the family disagreed yet again to do something... I am so ready to end this but I am only one of five... shelley
  21. Grief Healing Family

    Thanks to Everyone here, You are all truly amazing and I am truly blessed to have got to meet so many people .... Shelley
  22. Why Am I Feeling So Emotional Still

    Thanks Marty....
  23. Why Am I Feeling So Emotional Still

    Hi Marty, I guess I will have to talk with my doctor, I am going to be as honest as I can be with her...I just feel so misunderstood by people lately and I feel no one takes me seriously anymore... I feel sometimes it is just better to hide it all inside of me and what I have all ready said maybe I should not have said to anyone... Does this make sense... shelley
  24. I Want Out

    hi all, i just want out of here now.... i can not stand it anymore....shelley
  25. I Want Out

    Hi Marty, Thanks so much for sharing this peom with me... It helped me so very much and after receiving the scrapbook of pictures I can hold them close to my heart and remember my best friend in both worlds... Thanks again Marty it was just what I needed... shelley
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