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  1. It has been 50 days since my fiancé passed away. I feel my life shattered and our future gone. Excuse my rambling but my thoughts are all over the place. We were each other's best friend. Now I am alone. I cry mostly alone in private. And every day. Throughout the day. He was only 51. We have know each other almost 14 years. It was a long distance relationship and we had been planning for years for me to move by him. But financially was not able to. But we have talked about every day. We spoke of marriage for years. I have 2 kids living with me. Plus pets. I have visited over the years so,we had spent time together and memories. He was very private person but I,was,lucky to get to know him. I know he loved me so much and I loved him too. We spoke 2 to 3 times everyday for over 13 years. Then aug 14 Monday we spoke in the morning before I went to work. He was stressed about money and bills. I,tried to reassure him that it will be ok. We said our usual "love you miss you appreciate you and look forward to being there." That was the last time we spoke I called at our time that night. But he didn't answer. I thought maybe the phone had problems. Or he didn't pay the bill. Even though that was something he always made sure it was paid. Cuz that was our connection to talk I called in the morning at our usual time but still no,answer. By now I am panicking a bit. After work I called area hospitals. Ok I can't write anymore right now. Too much. Too much pain. I miss him too much. I have no one to,talk too so,I just cry
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