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Found 12 results

  1. Heartbroken how do i carry on

    I had to make the heartbreaking decision yo put my 13yo staff to sleep just a few days after he fell unwell from being his normal bouncy self and im overwhelmed with guilt and heartache its a physical pain that no pills will help I was on holiday the previous week he stayed home with my son on the sunday he was slow getting up and didnt eat much same the monday i arrived home and he came to great me with less enthusiam than normal i gave him steak water and painrelief incase his joints were aching and took him the vets first thing tues morning . He was kept for the day had bloods urinalysis fluids and an ultrasound some of his bloods were off but not drastic and there was free fluid in his abdomen again not much some blood in urine i brought him home with abs and tramadol to return friday However his condition worsened significantly and he began fitting she made a home visit and he was very poorly so we decided pts ( she suspected brain tumour but i guess we will never know now) i am devastated beyond words not eating not sleeping riddled with guilt iwas on holiday could i have done more etc etc I had him cremated but cant look at the casket my majestic soul mate companion best friend it doesnt feel right how could he go that quick ? Im really in a dark place with it all has anyone else felt this down dark and empty when will ( if ever) will i be able to cope ?? Please help
  2. Hello, I lost my baby girl Chanel on December 2 2017 at 1:36 am at the age of 6. It still hasn't fully set in as my mind keeps thinking she's still here, either sleeping in the other room or just outside playing/going pee. It wasn't something expected or I could prepare for. Some asshole left food with antifreeze in it at the local park where multiple dog owners go with their fur babies. I've barely slept or eaten since then cause whenever I close my eyes that night just replays over and over again in my mind. I don't want to go into detail right now but it was bad, really bad. I've had my baby girl with me since she was 2 weeks old. Yes 2 weeks. My brother and I found her and her two brothers in a box thrown in a ditch in the rural part of town where we used to live. They were so sick and cut up we didn't know if any of them would make it but all 3 did. And turned out to be all very happy and healthy dogs. But that Friday night we had gone to the puppy park (how she knew it) like we always did and she was being her goofy playful self doing her 'bunny' jumps and chasing her tail. I always did my best to stop her from eating or drinking anything at the parks or on our walks because even before her poisoning I knew there are some sick people out there that purposely do this, especially where I live now there have been multiple reports at a bunch of parks of scum doing this. But she was just so quick sometimes and would eat things before I could get it out of her mouth. For a dog that would NEVER take food from anyone but me or my brother even if I said it was okay she always managed to find stuff on the ground and would eat it. Which is exactly what happened that night. It was around two later she started puking and I knew she must of ate something that she shouldn't have and just thought it was an allergic reaction (she was allergic to A LOT of things) but then she started to seize and struggling to breath. I rushed her to the emergency vet and they tried for hours to save her. Her liver and kidneys were so swollen like they were about to burst and were shutting down going into complete failure. Their levels were so high the machine couldn't even read them. She had such a high dose of antifreeze in her system even if I got her there when she initially ate it they don't think they could of saved her. I stayed with her until they closed at 8am and they kicked me out. The vet wasn't so cold but the vet techs were amazing and so kind. But now here I am a few days later still trying to process everything. She literally went everywhere with me so even leaving my home is too painful having to see everywhere we used to go but also staying in is just as painful. I haven't gone in my bedroom since that night cause it's all how she left it. Her blanket bed all messy her toys everywhere and food bowl with food still in it. I had to take down all her pictures for now cause it's just so painful to see them all. When I do sleep (very little) I have her favourite toy with me, her collar wrapped around my wrist and one of her blankets that smells like her. Only support system I have close by are my dad but who still has his own life to live, my bf and a few close friends (but none that have ever owned a dog). My brother is currently living in another province. When I say this dog was my whole life I mean it. I never would want to hangout with people cause just the thought of being away from her longer than I needed to killed me. But flash forward two days later my bf had been by my side the whole time with me including that terrible night. Him and Chanel were best friends especially since he is off on disability leave from work for some serious health reasons, so they were together everyday while I had to work. When I was home they were constantly together doing everything. He was the one person I needed the most right now as we live together and have been together for 8 years. But now he's so cold mean and distant. Yelling at me and blaming me saying I always ignored her cause I had to work. And the worst saying she was just a dog and I need to get over it cause he is over it. I know with grieving comes anger but this feels different. He actually threw out her leash and some of her stuff while I was out with my dad arranging for her cremation and paw print impression. I had to go dumpster diving to get it all back, thankfully he put it all in a bag so nothing got ruined. Now ontop of trying to grieve Chanel I'm going through a breakup. He said the only thing keeping us together was 'that dog' and he hasn't loved me for years if he ever did at all. I literally don't know what to do anymore. If I'm not breaking down crying I'm just numb. He was by my side crying and grieving Chanel for those first two days and now he's a completely different person. I didn't know where else to go but online to try and find some help and guidance and came across this site. It physically hurts how much I miss my baby girl, it literally feels like there's a hole where my heart used to be. I'm struck with guilt for deciding to go to the park at night for not paying closer attention. Everything just keeps replaying in my mind and all the what ifs are killing me. And then wham my bf kicking me when I'm down and being so cruel towards me. I know it will take time if not years but at this moment I feel so helpless and lost. I know I will feel slightly better once I have her ashes back home with me but till then I just keep laying in my bathroom with her blanket and toy cause it was the only place she never went into and the only place I feel slightly okay with everything that is happening. I'm sorry that this is so long I just needed to get it out. Thank you for reading. danielle
  3. The Internet has a Cat! I came across this recently and wanted to share it with others, knowing how horrible it is to lose the physical sense of one's feline furchild being there with you. So far, it's a FREE service/site and I hope that continues, with enough donations! It is a cat purr generator and includes other vocalizations that you can control to your own liking, including type of purr, frequency/speed, and either the occasional OR frequent 'interruptions' of several, varied cat "talking"! I think it's BRILLIANT! Some of you may want, or need, to use it to fall asleep to, if you were dependent upon your furbaby's contented purring in bed with you. But you can play its unending loop any time you want. So far, I've found a few vocalizations that sound like each of my furchildren's, and it's a comfort, even years later, as if they're still in the room with me. The only thing missing is my girl's particular, rarer double-purr-all-at-once, but I have another CD for that, that's virtually identical. Please enjoy and feel soothed, while it's still up and running, and if you want to keep it up or get access to even more types of cat purrs, you can donate! To access this great resource and customize all its controls as you prefer, go to: https://purrli.com/ Also, do scroll down to read everything about it, it's fascinating!
  4. Hi All, I'm sure I've posted info about this before, but it's been awhile, and after just receiving notice that Dr. Ella Bittel DVM will be presenting a workshop on Animal Hospice at the "Art of Dying" conference in NYC this Oct (2017), I thought I should re-post her website [Spirits In Transition] again for anyone interested in learning about her groundbreaking work, in advance of your beloved animal's passing. She has a wonderful new intro video on the Home page that I encourage everyone to watch, where she explains the general concept. All these years later, I still regret her work wasn't known and available to me when my own furkids (especially my boy) were in need of home hospice care and I had no one to really turn to, to educate me in all the intricacies required. My only comfort remains that it turns out, I did pretty darn well with it (although mainly for my girl), regardless. But for those who have the luxury of time to learn beforehand, Ella offers online courses now (and in-person weekend seminars), as well as the Support Helpline for those already providing home hospice care, with medical euthanasia being viewed as a "truly last resort." Her site: http://www.spiritsintransition.org/ If by chance you're also interested in attending the above conference in person (unfortunately, Ella's workshop is NOT part of the live-streamed option), you can find that information here: https://interactivepdf.uniflip.com/2/8815/1084026/pub/html5.html And: https://www.artofdying.org/art-dying-conference-6-overview/ Here is what Ella will speak to: Those sharing their lives with an animal companion dread the day they will face a seemingly inevitable decision. Euthanasia is promoted as the last gift we owe our animal loved ones and the question when is the “right time” to utilize it has occupied many brilliant minds. But what if there was no need to make such a decision? Could the “right time” be when the animal dies in its own time after living its life in full? Could euthanasia be reserved for exceptional situations, rather than being the standard answer to normal changes and any challenges in animal end-of-life care? Could our last gift be giving comfort care? What would our animal want? Exploring these questions may seem daunting at first, yet contemplating them well ahead of time is key to being at choice at all at a critical juncture in your animal loved one's life.
  5. Mother's Day

    I loved this. There's a post on another grief site about Mother's Day, from the perspectives of a collective of mothers who have lost human children. But what I had always found was that it was the writings about human child loss that spoke to me the very MOST, in many deeply poignant and emotional ways. So this is how I feel about my motherhood, Mother's Day, and the loss of my FURchildren...and a few select others I've since lost as well, after all these years of caring for and coming to love other people's cats too, albeit not as strongly as my own. Just substitute "cat," "cats," or "furchild/furchildren" where appropriate, and take out certain "milestones" mentioned, and these echo my sentiments as well: A Mother's Chorus, on the "What's Your Grief" site My favourite parts of this post are: "This day will forever be hard for me. I live with an emptiness that no one can fill; so I may be sad, I may be unsociable, and I may need to take a break to be by myself in a quiet place. Whatever shape my grief takes on this day, please allow me to feel the way I feel and please follow my lead. Beyond that, acknowledge me as a mother. It makes me feel forgotten and as though my child [furchild/children] has been forgotten when people act as though my child [furchild/children]] never existed. Also, I can sense that people feel uncomfortable talking about my child [cat/cats/furchildren] and I constantly feel like the elephant in the room, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Honestly, I find it really comforting when someone talks about my child [cat/cats/furchildren]. I love hearing their name spoken out loud! I love hearing stories about them. Maybe you know a story I’ve never heard, or maybe I’ve heard it a hundred times before, but it really doesn’t matter to me. Your acknowledgment alone is one of the greatest Mother’s Day gifts you could give me." "...Believe you will be okay and have hope that in the future you will find yourself in a place where you can grieve and celebrate on Mother’s Day all at the same time." That is exactly what I do - grieve and celebrate (as in for example, making a formal toast to my furkids) - even now, almost 11 years, and 17+ years, respectively, after my furchildren's transitions. I remain fiercely and unabashedly PROUD of having been a mother to my beloved furchildren. And to anyone who might dare try to disenfranchise my grief and losses, I say, "bring it ON!" I will defend our love for each other no matter what anyone else wants to think. My heart and soul KNOW it's all true, and highly sacred, and that's what matters the most.
  6. Today I made the choice to put down my 12 year old cat Celsius. It's two days before the holidays and everything happened so suddenly. Celsius was bornwith one kidney and after many happy years sometime around thanksgiving showed mild kidney disease. The vet told me she should last months to years. However, She had developed a kidney infection and needed 3 weeks of antibiotics. After that she was back to her normal self, running around the house and playing. However a week later she crashed. She wouldn't come out of hiding for several days and a visit to the vet identified her kidney function was worse. We gave her fluids and b-vitamins and Antibiotics and took her home. But within days she stopped eating, stopped moving, lost the ability to walk more then a few feet and could not control her bladder. Further tests revealed her kidney function was worse and she now had two types of bacteria infecting her kidney. She also had lost 2 lbs in a Week and would only eat baby food.I can't shake the guilt. I had a previous pet die ofKidney failure and it was so hard toWatch. I made a fast decision, actually paying to cancel and Move my holiday flights to spend a weekend with her comforting her and then putting her down. I can't stop thinking what if I had done more? Tried other antibiotics..other treatments...hospitalized her with fluids. i feel like I failed her somehow. Like I threw her in the trash cause of the Christmas holiday instead of fighting more. I loved this cat to the world and backAnd cannot believe she is gone. Any adviceOn those who have dealt with these emotionsWould be much appreciated.
  7. For those interested in providing end-of-life/true hospice care for their animals (and not euthanizing in too much haste before your animal companion feels really "ready" to go), here's a replay of an interview with the wonderful Dr. Ella Bittel, holistic DVM, hosted by Dr. Karen Wyatt, MD, Hospice Physician, Spiritual Teacher and creator of End-of-Life University, plus a link to the University's own site: Replay (only) of past live event here: http://events.instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=70332789 End-of-Life University site -- "Resources & Inspiration for End-Of-Life," including the above interview, plus other interviews, and more: http://www.eoluniversity.com/event In preparation for this interview, Dr. Bittel had learned about Dr. Wyatt’s canine companion, Cougar. After Dr. Wyatt caring for him at home during the final stage of his life and it becoming a full-time task over several days, it became evident he was in discomfort and required medical attention. The vet who came to the house had only one suggestion -- euthanasia. The way the procedure unfolded left Dr. Wyatt and her husband deeply disturbed, with the strong sense that their canine family member had not been quite ready yet. "Having provided comfort from pain to countless dying humans, Dr. Wyatt was so relieved to hear from Ella that the same can be provided for animals. This lifted deep long time feelings of regret over how Cougar left this world that had yielded in the resolution to never again have another animal family member." Quote from Dr. Wyatt herself: “I wish with my entire heart that I had met you many years ago and had learned from you how to keep Cougar comfortable at the very end. But I am grateful that I can share this information with others and help them and their pets through this process.“ May this info similarly help others during, or more ideally, well ahead of end-of-life issues, in providing continuing education and resources to deal more effectively with any other furbabies' eventual transitions with greater understanding, knowledge, and increased confidence.
  8. As such things always are for me, this poem & accompanying pic left me bawling, longing, yearning....and thoroughly impatient for the end of this journey in exchange for that soulful, limitless reunion with my revered furchildren, and all the other blessed feline loves they sent my way, now all gone on 'before' me in this dastardly linear time construct... I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep. I could see that you were crying, You found it hard to sleep. I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear, "It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here." I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea, You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me. I was with you at the shops today, Your arms were getting sore. I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more. I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care. I want to re-assure you, that I'm not lying there. I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key. I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said " it's me." You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair. I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there. It's possible for me, to be so near you everyday. To say to you with certainty, "I never went away." You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew... In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you. The day is over... I smile and watch you yawning and say "good-night, God bless, I'll see you in the morning." And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide, I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side. I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see. Be patient, live your journey out...then come home to be with me. Author ~ unknown
  9. Am I Gonna Be Happy Again?

    a month ago on december 16th at 5:00 pm, 3 of my chihuahuas ran off from home y manage to hold the littlest while I have a Baby I was babysitting in my arms. I tried to go after them and I did for a couple of minutes, but the baby was heavy and I couldn't run, I have to return home because it was cold and I worried the baby could get sick for the cold. 30 minutes later one of them came back and scratch at the door I opened and I felt relieved for her. I kept looking by the windows in hope to see them. My husband wasn't home, he took the car to the mechanic, when I called him, he could not come home earlier because they were already working in the car. When he came home at 9:00 he went looking for them the two that still missed and didn't find them, he came back at 11:00pm and went to sleep on the sofa. almost at that time the Mother of the baby I was taking care of came to pick her up. I put my jacket and I went to keep searching, it was so dark and cold, I didn't dare to go too far, I wanted to wake up my husband and together we could have gone farther. at 2:00 I went to sleep somehow I was thinking they are going to be fine, because the 5 year old, she's the older has ran off alone other times and she always came back. the next morning I wake up to send my son to school, I didn't tell him they were lost, I didn't wanted to worried him. and when he went on the bus. I went to keep searching less than an hour I was back home empty handed. My husband came at 9:00am, He ask permit in his work for an hour to come home and see if They returned, So we went in the car and ask to some people if they have seen them. no My husband left me home and returned to work, five minutes later he came back, I could see in his face something was wrong, he had a hard time breathing while he told me, he saw my chiquiniña ( spanish for little girl) on the highway 10 or 12 miles away and she was dead, I didn't believe it, I tought maybe he's confused maybe it is other little animal, somehow i was calm I went and took 2 big plastic bags and went with him we have to park the car a little far because there is no place park on that street and the cars really go fast in that area. there is not even a space for walking on the edge. with difficulty we arrived and when she was in front of me. she was my baby, I screamed in pain, I grabbed her with the platic bags and hug her, I don't know how my husband bring us home and ask me if I wanted to bury her, I just moved my head no. I was crying unconsolable, I just wanted to keep holding her in my arms saying "I'm sorry, my baby, I love you, God nooo don't take her away from me, why" I keep repeating that and crying. My husband went back to work, I didn't want to be left alone with that pain, but I could not seem to find the words to tell him. I sat in a chair in the kitchen just holding her in my arms, looking at her little face, I was there for hours until I hear kids coming back from school, I saw at the clock 3:00 pm in an hour more my son would be back, and I didn't want him to know so sudden. I just hold her a little more then I went and put her little body in the backyard, didn't buried yet. Went to wash my face. when my son arrived he saw that there were only two of them and he ask me where are the other two, then I told him they ran off, he was so angry. I could not tell him that we found one dead. (until now he doesn't know) when my husband came from work, We took my chiquiniña's body, and went to a friend and ask her to allow us to bury my bb in her backyad, and there we buried her. then we went to keep searching for the other one, making copies of pictures, putting posters, asking people. we didn't find her, then night came, I went to sleep crying, my husband wake me up at 4:00am, she came back, somehow she find the way back home. my life is not the same, I found this grieving page 2 weeks after that, the first week I was in shocked, I didn't eat for 4 days, almost didn't drink anything, didn't sleep or sleep a couple of hours and this brutal pain wake me up again. I found this forum and I read and knowing that I'm not alone, there is more caring loving people that know how i feel, it's been really helpfull. every day I cry, I feel so sad, I try to be strong for my husband my son and my other 3 furry babies. one the mother is 4 and half years old, the niece of her is almost 4 years, the littlest is 1 year old. my chiquiniña was 3 years old (she was the one I love the most. I don't know why) I love them so deeply, Now I am afraid of losing them too. someone can tell me if some day am I no longer feel this sadness, and a day am I not gonna cry, A day when I'm not gonna feel this pain every time I wake up in the morning, or a night when I came to sleep without feeling this pain hollow void in my inside, or a night when the pain is not going to wake me up. Am i gonna be happy again? I'm sorry for my grammar, my maternal lenguage is spanish.
  10. This is such a fantabulous talk by this wonderful woman — not to be missed! Anna is one of the singularly best speakers I’ve ever heard on the subject of interspecies communication (or "communion," as I term it myself) in all my years of listening to many other Communicators and other people in various animal-related fields, and in doing this work myself. And so I was totally thrilled to hear her expound so very eloquently and knowledgeably on many of the same aspects about animals (and the quantum realities) that I’ve come to know about, too...and then some! There is a LOT of great and necessary information packed into just this hour-long talk. Included is a short, easy (even for novices) exercise on connecting with any animal you choose, at around the 40 minute mark. (and imo, they could be on this plane OR back in the spirit realm...but it's more gratifying to witness the often pleasing results of communicating for yourself in the physical world, especially if you've never tried this before) Much of what Anna imparts can of course be applied to both expanding your relationship with current animal companions, and in dealing with the various aspects of grief over losing them. For instance, her personal story about the beached whales could aid in understanding how things may appear to us on one level, yet really be about something much deeper on a soul choice level. And that knowledge could of course help alleviate the guilt we can sometimes mistakenly take on. If you love the animal kingdom, too (both "domesticated" and wild), I can’t think of an interview I've heard that's as exemplary as this one is overall, and which I hope any “animal person” would gift themselves with. ? Direct link to audio recording: http://instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=40294578 If you can’t access the above link directly, it’s taken from this page - click “online interview with Anna (recording)" to open it: http://www.animalspirit.org/media-articles Anna’s work is also being featured on the first-ever full-length documentary film on the art of animal communication. (yaaayyyyyyy!!!! finally!!!! ?) You can see the heart-opening, 13 min. snippet here (or on Youtube if you prefer), featuring "Spirit," the black panther, and his immediate transformation : http://openhandweb.org/animal_communication_documentary You can also order the full DVD directly from South Africa, through Kalahari.com. See Anna's website (above) for more information, or you can try this site instead (see comment section): http://www.nhuafrica.com/industry-news/the-animal-communicator-with-anna-breytenbach-to-screen-in-cape-town-this-month/
  11. Dearest Animal Parents, Along the same vein as the previous, posted topic and interview (Do Pets Go To The Afterlife?), I also caught these other ones from Bob Olson, that I found even deeper and more useful. These interviews -- "Your Soul’s Gift To You: Understanding The Life Your Soul Planned For You, and "Does Our Soul Plan Life Challenges Before Birth?", both with Robert Schwartz, go into more depth about our soul's pre-birth (pre-incarnation) planning in concert with other souls (our soul families or groups) &/or our Guides. Of key note for animal parents is the discussion of Robert's new book, which includes a dedicated chapter on "the pre-birth planning we do with our future pets." (apparently, this topic was in HIGH DEMAND by his readers! ) Such information can of course aid in our understanding of not only WHY things happened as they did (and how there are "no real mistakes" in terms of the soul's perspective), but HOW our furbabies are so inextricably tied into our soul's journey, from even before they incarnated to become a part of our earthly families and lives. This in turn would lend more meaning to our grief journey, as well as to our lives and its most traumatic experiences as a whole. This is certainly a good chunk of what I'd ended up learning myself, over the course of the transitions of both my fur-son and fur-daughter, and several other feline loves who had since come into, then gone out of my life. The physical loss can still hurt terribly, but knowing it's not all "meaningless" or "random" or "in error" is of great help, nonetheless. I plan on buying at least Robert's 2nd book, but want to get myself a Kindle first, as I no longer have enough room for more hard copy books! So I can't offer a review of it yet. However, I found even these video interviews very helpful, all on their own: http://www.afterlife...birth-planning/ You can access Robert's pertinent info directly from the links below the interview. As well, Robert provides a free pdf meditation, some other free pdf's, and a free excerpt from one of his books, here: http://www.yoursouls...index.php/books You can also buy only the chapters you're interested in to read on a Kindle, if so desired. (see his book's listing on Amazon) For the animals and their people, and to our co-joined healing, xox Maylissa NOTE: For those more active on these boards, or with more time than I, this info could be of benefit to members suffering ANY kind of loss, so please pass along to other forums if you are able - thx kindly!)
  12. We Lost Our Snickers 1-2-13

    The new year is getting to a bad start. We miss our SNICKERS. She was a pit bull chow mix with a heart that could warm anyone with a hard heart. Rest in Peace, our beloved dog. http://tjsmitha5.wix.com/tribute-to-snickers#