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ElizabethH77

Writing thank you cards

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It's been over two months since my sister died. I thought I'd be able to handle writing out thank you cards..I thought maybe enough time had passed and I would be able to do it.  Oh, I wrote out some but boy was it painful. I kept feeling as if I wanted to scream and even throw things. So I left clearing off the table until this afternoon and the flood gates opened again, especially as I came across my sister's obituary. Lord have mercy, this is so difficult. 

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Oh Elizabeth, I so remember this very feeling.  I still do not write thank-you notes and I just tell myself that it is alright not to. Some things are very painful. I believe that people know how hard it is and do not expect a thank-you. When my Jim died there were a few family members who took care of this for me. Later, when I was feeling better I called and spoke to a few of the people. I still cry when I look at Jim's obituary. I tell myself that it is okay. I believe that great love will bring tears and that is okay, too. 

Keeping you in my heart and I am so sorry that you have lost your sister. Losing a sibling is so very difficult.  (((((hugs)))))

Anne

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When my husband died, I designed a thank you note that was meaningful...there'd been a triple rainbow emerge during a thunder & lightening storm, so it had a rainbow...I printed a bunch of these with a thank you inside and then I just wrote "I appreciate your coming to his service" or "thank you for bringing a meal" or something very short and sweet and signed my name.  To try to do any more would be way too hard.  I remember a year after his death going back and reading the cards I'd received, again, and some I did not even remember!  I looked at the guest book and was surprised by some who'd been at his service!  It was easy to see I'd been in a fog.  I called a few people at that time and expressed my thanks for their being there and explained I'd been in shock and unable to process much.  They understood.

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Thank you ladies. I've noticed just about every Sunday morning when we're getting ready for church that it is so difficult to get myself together. I'm thinking about my sister and I feel the tears welling up. Yesterday morning I had even went as far as putting on the dress I wore to my sister's funeral but I've since put on a few pounds so therefore I didn't wear it. In my mind I was thinking the dress would make me feel closer to her somehow. It's really weird..Back to readying myself for church, is it possible that I somehow associate going to church on Sunday mornings with going to the funeral? I'm always thinking about her on Sunday mornings when I'm getting ready for church.  Maybe in the back of my mind I'm reminded of how every Sunday morning she would go to church before she was hospitalized and eventually died.

I made it through the service yesterday morning without any tears but on the way home from church I lost it when I read a text from one of my sons when he told me people at his church were still praying for me. No, I wasn't driving, just in case y'all were wondering my husband was and he has been a blessing to me allowing me to cry on his shoulder and encouraging me to talk about what I'm feeling when I can. We sat and looked at pictures of my sister when she was younger always with a goofy smile. 

Thanks for every word of encouragement. It means a lot..Love and blessing

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I'm so glad you have your husband as you make your way through this.  It could be that you associate church with her funeral if it was held in one, or that you would get some comfort feelings from wearing that dress...I've learned in grief, what strikes one person one way strikes another completely the opposite!

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I still haven't written thank-you notes and I haven't written an obituary either. Do you get to a point where it's just too late? It's been eight months, and I still can't do either of these things. Then again I still haven't taken his ashes to Pennsylvania yet either. 

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Laura, I don't think it's ever too late.  Given the things you've had to deal with, it's very understandable.   To be quite honest, when I've brought a tray of food and a card to someone who has had a loss, I don't look for or expect a written thank you.  When they say thank you when you give it to them, that is enough for me.  And when I mail a card, I don't expect a thank you.  I did write thank yous for those who sent flowers and brought food, but I also thanked people for their cards, because it was therapeutic for me...it wasn't necessary though.

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Laura, I don't think it's ever too late to say "thank you," whether in person or in writing. I also think that, if ever there is a time in life when it's okay not to follow etiquette "rules," it is when you are in mourning over the death of a loved one. Could there be any better excuse than that one?

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