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Finch

Getting through the really bad days of grief

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Finch, I'm sorry your day was especially hard, I think that's somehow just part of the grief journey, it feels like a roller coaster sometimes.  I hope today will be better for you.

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Hello Finch, 

Like Kay, I'm sorry you've been having really hard days.  

It sometimes seems as if just when you start to feel a tiny bit more accepting of the loss you get slammed backwards at 100 miles an hour.  I have noticed that the slamming is still very harsh but the hard time seems to be a bit shorter.  As with anything in life nothing stays the same for long.  Our good times often had great moments and moments that were unspectacular, it is the same with grief for me with the ups and downs.  It is growth/progress or the natural order of things I think.

May you find some peace and comfort.  

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Finch am so sorry for your harder than usual days my heart goes out to you, I have been having a really bad month just can't seem to climb out of this darkness I feel consumed by it is so hard I hope you find some comfort soon.

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On 11/22/2016 at 0:05 PM, rdownes said:

Finch am so sorry for your harder than usual days my heart goes out to you, I have been having a really bad month just can't seem to climb out of this darkness I feel consumed by it is so hard I hope you find some comfort soon.

Thanks alot. I hope you are having a better month this month. Are you? Unfortunately I can't say that I am.

I'm so exhausted of all of this.

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It IS exhausting, Finch.  I'm finding that when I have really rough times like I'm having right now, it makes it all the harder.  George and I used to derive much benefit from just talking to each other, knowing the other cared so much, and the combined efforts of both of us contributing not only our income but our different abilities to keep the household running.  Right now I'm battling an eye infection, a cyst on the same eye, my truck not running, my cellphone caput, and roofs leaking, it's feeling overwhelming.  If I had George here I know I'd be able to take things in stride so much better.  
Even though you two weren't in close proximity, you depended on each other for emotional support and having that removed is one of our biggest losses.  I hope things get better for you.  One day at a time!  At least we have each other here to lean on, that alone helps a lot.

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Thank you. Every day we emotionally supported each other. Always there for each other, no matter what was happening in our respective lives, good or bad. Cheerleading each other through life's ups and downs. Every step of the way. I'm so lost without her.

I am very thankful for the people in this place and the support they give, if not for the reason that brings me/us here.

I hope you are able to tackle the eye infection, cyst, truck, cellphone and roof leak one step at a time, to make it seem less overwhelming.

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Cellphone done.  Saw eye doctor, have to go back and talk to the surgeon Friday, then get preauthorization from insurance, then schedule surgery.  Going to miss a funeral of a dear lady I've loved. :(  Going to get a jump start on truck today, will let it run 1/2 hour, then turn off.  If it will turn back on, good.  If not, it'll need an alternator.  My son wants to come Friday night and swap vehicles, take it 2 1/2 hours to his home and work on it.  He wants to take out the fuel injection system (it gets 9 miles per gallon, that's horrid!) and put in a carburetor (that'll be my Christmas present).  I think he said something about a manual choke, which I haven't used in 46 years or so.  If I can't get someone to put in a new alternator by Friday, I don't know what I'll do.  I'm exhausted.

I got about 17" snow last night, it's sunk down to half that size with the weight.  I only know how much fell because I was out all night shoveling it, just coming in for short breaks.  I still have half of it left to do and it just keeps on snowing.  So much for the 2-4" forecast for last night.  Haha!  Idiots.  Weathermen are the only ones that don't have to be semi-accurate to keep their jobs!  Them and politicians, who can say whatever they want to get elected and then do whatever they please afterwards.

And the pharmacy didn't have the Rx I need for my eye so I won't get it until Wed. or Thurs.

And I can't help but think if George was here, we'd be done shoveling snow by now, I wouldn't have all these problems, he was a good problem solver, he could always find someone to trade help with or pay to teach him to do it or something.  Two hours sleep last night, I'm really tired.  At 64 I keep wondering how long I can keep doing this.  I understand everyone's desire to just go be with their loved one...not suicidal, just tired and wanting to rest in their arms.

Roofs will have to wait until I get my heating system replaced.  Yep, one thing at a time.  What I wouldn't give for money, it'd solve a lot of this. :)

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