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A Special Request from Nan Zastrow of Wings


MartyT

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Subject:What do You think? Wings Fall ELetter

Date:10/25/2016 11:22:20 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time

From: nan.wings1@gmail.com

Sorry this is late, and I need a quick turnaround.   My deadline:  Tuesday, Nov. 1
Can you provide some feedback on the following for our Fall ELetter?
 
The approaching fall season reminds us that the holidays are soon to follow. Whether it is your first holiday after the loss of a loved one, or many successive holidays beyond the first, there is always that thought:  “What am I going to do?”

How are you going to celebrate the memory of your loved one this year? Please share with us your ongoing tradition for remembrance, or share with our readers a new idea of what you might do this year to honor the life of your loved one.
 
--
Nan & Gary Zastrow
 
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  • 2 weeks later...

I wasn't going to post this here but only on Nan Zastrow's site. It just might give others here some food for thought.  We go on living and can make the most of it or not. I choose to make the most of it. Those who are in the first years of grief may not be where I am. I focus on HOPE. I am living but not in the way I would be if Jim were still here. 

Nan Zastrow on the Holidays ~ here's my take

Another memory for the holidays ~ this will be my fifth holiday without my Jim.

I have done something different each year and this year I will be focusing on Thanksgiving again. Our Thanksgiving Dinner has always been one of Jim’s favorites. Our dinner table served ten to twelve people early in our marriage. Most were family and a few dear friends. After Jim died I lost the energy and will to have a dinner for I really didn’t feel like there was anything to be thankful for. The second year I made an ornament with some of our memories inside a glass bulb that I decorated and it found a place on the tree. I also had a memory box on the fireplace with index cards and pens next to it and when people stopped in to help me decorate the tree (I didn’t have the energy to do it myself) I asked them to write a memory of Jim on the card and place it in the memory box. The tree had more decorations than ever that year. I read the cards on New Year’s Eve and cried thinking how grateful Jim would have been to hear from his family and friends. I baked banana nut bread (Jim’s favorite) for the people at the Firehouse one year and brought my Benji along to have his picture taken on the fire truck. My luck, the truck was out on a run and I had to go back later. No, he was not a Dalmatian. Jim did not meet Benji. I rescued him a year after Jim died. He died of seizures and a weak heart after only one short year. My heart broke again.

I did finally host a Thanksgiving Dinner the third year but the number of friends and family were smaller ~ besides a few family members who were here I invited three widow/widowers who were going to be alone that Thanksgiving.

Last year a few of us helped out at St. Vincent de Paul and we ate and visited with those who came for a dinner ~ thinking about doing that again sometime during the holiday this year. Volunteering has helped me in managing my grief.

So here I am again almost ready to face yet another holiday season without my Jim. It does not get easier just more tolerable. I know he is gone and will not be coming back. I’ve been thinking about what to do and have decided to host a dinner on Thanksgiving Day for a few family members and a few friends who would otherwise be alone on that day.  My job will be to set the table and set out the serving dishes. Others will be doing the cooking since I’ll be recovering from surgery. Of course, the TVS will be on for the parade and the football games. After our early afternoon dinner, some of us will go over to the nursing home and make some holiday crafts and visit with the seniors. That about takes up all the energy I’ll have this Thanksgiving.

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As I mentioned elsewhere, when I saw this topic, I couldn't get out of here fast enough!  Maybe if I lived in Phoenix it'd be different.  But I live in snow country, up in the mountains, and in the winter it's a day at a time.  You check the forecast often and holiday plans are usually tenuous at best.  You make them but know they could fizzle out in a second if it's snowy and icy.  And that is often the case.  IF you can go through with a holiday plan intact, you count yourself very fortunate indeed, like it's a gift!  Last year was one of those years.  It snowed the day before Christmas.  I knew I couldn't travel to be with my son and his wife and my grandbaby...I don't drive at night and wood heat is my only source...I have to literally keep the fires burning to keep the pipes from freezing and Kitty from getting too cold.  My daughter and her husband wanted to come here...but when it started snowing, I was certain the plans would be called off and I would be alone on Christmas.  So I made plans with a neighbor (also widowed) to go to the Christmas dinner at the museum.  We did indeed go, and I got home and it quit snowing.  So I shoveled the driveway and called my daughter, and while they were driving here, I cooked.  I just got done when they walked in the door!  That year Christmas was a gift.

This year it will be the same...maybe I'll get to see my kids, maybe I won't, it's something I can't count on.  But I'll cook and be prepared in case they can come, and if they can't, I'll make the best of it and find some place to spend the day with others.  It's one day at a time around here!

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