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Nikki D

I am scared...

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Hi, all. It has been a while since I visited here last. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday.

I started to feel “down” again around Christmas time. It is getting worse as the day goes by… as February the 10th approaches. The day I made the decision to lay my beloved Kura to rest. I am fearful of all the memories may come alive – The memories of his last couple weeks after he stopped eating all of the sudden, then everything went down the hill so quickly and unexpectedly.

I have been doing well. We ended up adopting another hound while fostering (although I didn’t want to have anything to do with fostering nor adopting in the beginning as I felt I wasn’t ready, but somehow it happened). We named him Kiaran. He is such a good boy and full of love. I couldn’t let him go to another family so we decided to keep him. He was very new to a “domestic” world, coming straight from a race track so kept me busy, not giving me much time to be moping. I guess it was a good thing. I sometimes wonder Kura sent Kiaran to me…

Although Kiaran came into my life to fill in the lost spot in my heart and he is doing such a wonderful job at it (I love this boy so much!), the wound in my heart is still raw and is opening back up. I am scared of that day coming. It is 2 days after my birthday but my birthday has become a sad day last year and I don’t think it will ever be a day I want to celebrate again. I don’t know how I can stop this negative feeling...

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Nikki,

Hi, I'm sorry it's been so rough lately.  I don't know how it'll be for me when the anv. of death approaches June 3 for Miss Mocha, but will have to take it as it comes I guess.  Maybe instead of focusing on the loss, try focusing on the great life you had with him.  And how he directed you to another cat you could love.  Your birthday is sad because it's that time of year so the only way to break association with your birthday is to retrain your thoughts from something negative (his death) to positive (celebration of his life and his passing the baton to Kiaran, which you may find yourself able to do...or not.  I'm sorry it's so hard, grief is!

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I would suggest, Nikki, that instead of just waiting for that day to come and dreading it, you might instead take control of it by planning ahead of time how you want to spend the day. You can turn this into a special day of remembrance, doing whatever you can to honor Kura's memory. (See, for example, Memorializing Pets We Have Lost, and Creating A Grief Ritual: Love, Loss and Continuing Bonds.) You are limited only by your own imagination. Remember, too, that these days hold only as much significance as we attach to them. In many ways, this is just another day on the calendar ~ and another day of missing your beloved. You already know what that feels like, and what you can do to help yourself to get through it.   

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Thank you, Kay and Marty. I talked to my daughter and she said the same thing. She suggests we should cerebrate his life on that day. She is going to help me come up with what we can do to create a ritual. 

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