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sharirouse

Grief has forced me face all of my fears

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Ever since my dad died, I have had to face multiple of my fears. My biggest deepest fears too. 

In the last two years, Ive dealt with: the death of a parent, the betrayal of a family member, being alienation from my "friends", pieces of sh!t people just throwing low blows and a deep loneliness that I have only ever read about.

It feels like a lot more when I think about but I have never experienced more hardship than I have in the last two years. These are things I have hoped I would never have to face and I was forced through them! I know it has made me a stronger person but oh my GOSH. What the hell!?

Am I the only one who feels this way?

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Hi sharirouse, I am so sorry that you are experiencing these feelings - and at such a young age. I feel for you, but can't even imagine how you feel, as it took me so long to be enlightened to the realities of life, and at 55 am still amazed - and appalled, at times, of how people can behave.

Please accept my condolences for the loss of your dad. Since my mom died (6 years ago this May), my world shifted as well. I lost family and friends, created fears I didn't even know could exist, and found strength in myself that I didn't know I had (with the lessons I'd learned from my parents, and from my departed angels: my mom, grandmom [mom-mom], and brother).

My rose-colored glasses sure have come off!

So...no...you are not alone.

Thank you for this topic!

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No, you sure aren't the only one that's felt that way, sadly.  That you are going through these things so young is all the harder.  What happened to carefree fun years?!  I started my young adult life out with hardship too, I felt like I'd been robbed of my youth and maybe I was.

 

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Miss Ngu, thank you for you condolences, i appreciate it! I am ready to be enlightened and not apalled anymore LOL it definitely feels like the rose colored glasses her slapped off my face! Im trudging along and I will always be Okay, and if not, Ill get there but there are still those internal battles. Im almost not shocked anymore. I still adjusting to a different world view without my dad. Sorry for the loss of your mom, I can only imagine how its been without my mom. ugh. And you are welcome for the topic, I hope it helps people like the "Abandoned" thread, because we have alllll felt abandoned once grief has struck.

Kay, maybe I was robbed too. I feel like my life is very interesting, its definitely not one of those great suburban neighborhood, white picket fence lives, thats for sure. And maybe its happening now because I would explode when I am older lol. Right now, Im just full of expletives! :rolleyes: I dont know if I have ever had carefree years, especially since I have anxiety but I also knew that since my dad was older, his life would be cut short (in my eyes). He was 50 when I was born so I knew I had maybe 40 years if lucky. 

I just had a dark moment the other night and realized I have lived through all of my current biggest fears. Other than things we hope to never experience (tornadoes, hurricanes, etc.) but you know what I mean. 

Im trying to not be hardened from the world but I just want to scream sometimes!

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Shari, my dear, when you've earned your degree from the School of Hard Knocks, I think you may be better prepared for the realities of life than someone who holds one or more degrees of another kind.

As Scott Peck writes in his book The Road Less Traveled,

“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.” 

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18 hours ago, sharirouse said:

I dont know if I have ever had carefree years

Maybe our carefree years are yet to come, Shari! :)

Marty,

I love that book!  It's rich!

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Kay, I hope so! I think they might be right now for me but Im holding myself back. I actually had a pyschic read me the other day, it was just through a picture. My profile picture actually. She (or he?) told me to focus on myself right now and that I look like I had something on my mind. It was definitely true lol

And thank you Marty! I will definitely look into that book. I already ordered 3 books off amazon in the last two months LOL its a dangerous site for books. That quote is very true. Ive noticed that when soemthing unfavorable happens, I find myself thinking "ugh, this again?"

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I can understand, it takes a lot of work to break the pattern of our thoughts.  When we've had several bad things happen, it's easy to assume more negative will happen!

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9 hours ago, sharirouse said:

Ive noticed that when soemthing unfavorable happens, I find myself thinking "ugh, this again?"

Shari, you might appreciate this article about examining and shifting your thoughts: Grief Grenades

 

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