Shock and Awe after two years...

[Widowedbysuicide]

My prayers for Easton as well.

[kayc]

George, I admire your determination and discipline, I think the hardest part is taking that first step.  Congratulations on the weight loss and getting healthy, inside and out.  

You've asked for prayers for Easton, you've got it!  

[iPraiseHim]

After the news of Gracie, my friend's grandson health decline, (and my sister's comments last week about people hurting her),   I,realized that  I need to talk to my sister about the deep hurt and riff she has caused in our relationship.

I met with her this afternoon, (just the two of us) without interruptions (There is ALWAYS interruptions with her). It was a sunny warm day with a cool gentle breeze coming off the ocean.  I have not been to any beach in eight years.  We walked along the shore, picking up seashells, and I was able to "REALLY TALK" with her about how her comments personally hurt me and caused a riff between us.

She wanted to quickly defend her position and justify herself.  I calmly stopped her and asked her to listen and not defend herself.  I spoke my peace and she just reiterated what she said before but I don't sense she gets it.  She did turn on the tears and apologize later but it was not sincere. 

We talked about some other issues coming up with Dad and then said, "Are we good?" Yes we are fine.

I'm glad I was able to speak my mind without justifications and interruptions.  I don't think anything was really resolved.

I did get some shells, smooth rocks,seaweed branches, and a nice tan for an hour and a half.

Life continues to march forward...  Shalom

[kayc]

It's good that you had your talk with her even if it didn't change anything.  I know we can't change people.  But it's good to air our feelings anyway.  Your relationship with her may never be what you hope for but you're a good person for trying.  

[iPraiseHim]

Yesterday, I visited my Dad and he agreed to let me clean his oven.  He left some food in the oven and it went bad... really bad. You can use your imagination.  He kept saying he would clean it up but he never got around TUIT. When I spoke to him last Saturday, I just let him know I would be cleaning it on Tuesday if he was not able to get to it.  He has always protested before.  He was resistant this time but eventually conceded and let me do it.  I cleaned it all up, deodorized it, and set the self cleaning mode to finish the disinfection. We went out to his favorite restaurant.  

He was very humble and appreciative and is bragging to my sister how clean his oven is. Now he can make his favorite cornbread to go with the pinto beans I brought him.

I am so happy he let me do some cleaning for him that I've been doing for others for twenty years.  There is much more cleaning to be done and next month his brother and sisters are coming to visit him for a few days. - Shalom

 

[MartyT]

You are such a good son, dear George ♥

[kayc]

George,

You are a hard person not to love!  This brought tears to my eyes...your humility.  Considering the pain you've been through from your dad (I'm sure he never intended it and would probably be surprised if he knew about it), you are doing this humbling and loving kindness for him.  What a sweet son!  We all need more people like you in our lives...we all need to BE more like you!

[Margm]

1 hour ago, kayc said:

we all need to BE more like you!

It would be a better world if we were more like George.

[iPraiseHim]

Thank y'all (southern expression) for your kind comments.  I am blessed to be a blessing. - Shalom

[iPraiseHim]

Four months progress report:

Lost 50lbs, 8inch waist, 6 inches Chest. following the Ketogenic way of eating lifestyle.

I have lost a total of 90lbs from my highest weight.  Mentally, it seems hard to fathom.   (People at church are noticing)

I have struggled this last month with some health issues and finally decided that I need to pursue further testing and treatmen for my hypothyrodism. I have an a consult appointment on Wednesday.  My low thyroid is causing some low energy,  and other annoying side effects. I need wise counsel on how to improve my health. - Shalom

[Margm]

6 minutes ago, iPraiseHim said:

My low thyroid is causing some low energy,

I have never asked my granddaughter how she felt that the words were always "I'm tired."

Having said that, she is under a doctor's care, but she has been hypothyroid for years now and she is only 18.  She will sit on the couch in a blanket with me sweltering.  I can only give her the medicine she requires.  Last time her counts were either higher/lower than usual (it keeps me confused), hypo means low, hyper means high.  

I praise you on your care of your health.  I have not done my walks (only exercise I can do) in two years.  Sometimes I think "what's the use."  If nothing else, my clothes are getting tighter, and I wear clothes with stretch.  Sometimes it is hard (but really no excuse) to have an "I don't care" feeling.  It is assuring to me that you have turned this around.  

[Gwenivere]

Marg, the higher the TSH number, the worse the thyroid is.  It's kinda backward.  So a higher than normal means hypothyroidism.  

[Margm]

Yeah, you think I know this stuff?  I spent 43 years typing all  labs and I found them so boring, until someone in my family got sick, then I would study them.  Since I retired for good, since Billy has been gone I very rarely even look at Wikipedia to check something out.  

[iPraiseHim]

A great website to learn about the thyroid is:   www.stopthethyroidmadness.com.

A plethora of information to understand and treat the disease. Environment, bread, water, chemicals, etc ...  It all affects us in some powerful ways.

[Gin]

Today is the 2 yr. anniversary since I lost the love of my life.  I have had medical and family issues, but nothing comes close to losing Al.  I used to be reasonably social, but perhaps because of my age and friends leaving, I am very lonely.  Spending a lot of time alone, does not help the situation.  I wish that I had the ambition to clear out the house that I have lived in for over 50 years, but I do not.  I  make plans to clean out drawers, closets, etc., but that is all it is....plans.  We used to be active in our church, but with changing neighborhoods and movement out of the city, the church is going to close soon.  It is not easy to find another.  This is such a hard journey for all of us- old and young.

[Margm]

Gin, my 15-17 boxes are legendary.  How often do I think that I remember where something is and know I put mine and Billy's life together in boxes and I left that place he left me in.  Know he did not do it on purpose, but I could not stay there, cannot go back there except for business I cannot do over the computer or phone..  Drawers?  I emptied them into the big plastic boxes with plastic fitting lids.  I wrote on tape on the box a generality of what was in each box.  I actually have not needed to open the boxes.  They really serve as bedside tables, coffee tables, inside the big closets, etc.  I looked at three huge file boxes.  They are stuffed with paper.  Some have pictures mixed in with the papers.  Not ready to face any papers, not needed, nor to look at pictures.  I  had to look at one picture of Billy with the soft blanket I had bought him for chemo treatment, he did not use it many times.  I looked at his eyes and they shone with the look of such an illness that it cut through to my heart.  You see, I was not going to let him leave.  He paid no attention to me though.  He left anyhow.  Those eyes in that picture haunt me now, but at least they block out my last view of him.  Thinking now that our first two years together were often contentious.  The silence of the first two years without him is louder than any fusses we ever had and much harder to face, but we have no choice.  My heart is with you  today.  I hate the month of October now and will not watch anything or read anything published in 2015.  My granddaughter does not understand this.  I don't either really.  I cannot make what did happen not happen.  

[brat#2]

My heart is with you today Gin, sending you hugs. Joyce

 

[iPraiseHim]

I went to a preliminary meeting with the functional doctor. 1/2 hour drive, 15 minute consult where he recommends I get scheduled for a mass meeting (1 hour on Monday) where he explains what he does, etc,  he may be able to help/maybe not?,  He may accept me as a patient or not?   Then another 1/2 drive back home.

I didn't sleep well again last night.  I am too familiar with the Funnel theory of bringing new clients to your business.  I'm not just a number on a list.   I don't have peace about this so I will continue my search.  There is still more I can do on my own.

I have made the dinner for my Dad and I to eat this evening and made deviled eggs for him. He is struggling more with short term memory. 

Yes KayC, the Las Vegas news hit hard.  I worked with my uncle in Las Vegas for six months in 1993. One of my Aunts used to live there.  It is hard to imagine a person is capable of such death and mayhem.  The news media and politicians don't help either.  Somber times.  Butch and Gracie still on my heart and in my prayers. - Shalom 

 

[Gwenivere]

Giin, I am another October anniversary person.  Hate this month.  We can share our tears.💔

Marg, 2014 is my horrid year.  Hate seeing that on anything.

[Gin]

Thanks Marge, Joyce,  Gwen. My niece remembered, but I doubt if many other relatives or friends will.  Just a normal day to them.  We do not have normal days anymore.

[Margm]

My daughter will remind everyone the whole month of October.  Cannot get past that.  I'm sorry, something lacking in my personality/soul/being, but I mourned my dad, but I was undergoing cancer treatments at the time as well as my best friend.  She passed away a few months after my dad and I mourned her terribly.  Maybe my mourning Billy so terribly has not let me think of my mom.  Sometimes, and I know this sounds cold, but it was like she was never there.  Alzheimer's takes them years before they really go.  And again, it was so soon after Billy left, I didn't have room........and we weren't close.  And maybe I am just a terrible daughter period.

[kayc]

Gin, 

I was on here too early yesterday morning and missed your post.  I know how hard the death date is, my heart goes out to you.  You are right, our normal has gone and we're left with this alien one we have to live.  (((hugs)))

[TomPB]

On 10/4/2017 at 7:33 AM, Gin said:

Today is the 2 yr. anniversary since I lost the love of my life.  I have had medical and family issues, but nothing comes close to losing Al.  I used to be reasonably social, but perhaps because of my age and friends leaving, I am very lonely.  Spending a lot of time alone, does not help the situation.  I wish that I had the ambition to clear out the house that I have lived in for over 50 years, but I do not.  I  make plans to clean out drawers, closets, etc., but that is all it is....plans.  We used to be active in our church, but with changing neighborhoods and movement out of the city, the church is going to close soon.  It is not easy to find another.  This is such a hard journey for all of us- old and young.

So sorry and belated hugs. I'm only a little past 6 ms but in my negativity already thinking all but a very few will ignore Susan's 1 yr at 3/31/18. They won't because I'l get after them, but if I waited on them to remember they would. Yes, time alone is the worst 🐼❤️

[Gin]

Thanks Kay and Tom.  I talk about Al a lot, but let's face it, they were (are) super important to us, but life goes on for the others.

[iPraiseHim]

Yesterday, I was invited to a couples home for lunch after Church. She made a low carb meal and had a good visit.   She asked me," Tell me about your wife, Rose Anne,  what was she like?"

What a profound question in the two years and almost eight months since her death,  NO ONE has every asked me that question.  That is such a great question because no body does talk about our departed loved ones anymore!

 

 

Good news... Stepped on the scale and weighed 250lbs... down 95lbs.

 

Not so good news... My air conditioner broke and cost me $450 to get it fixed.  Thankfully, I have an emergency fund for items like this.  It is always good to plan for a stormy day even when it is hot and sunny.

Shalom