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Older Cat Dies Following Rabies Vaccination

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Monica, I'm so very sorry I've been so tardy again in responding. I've just had SO much to deal with in the last few months...yes, one thing about my condition improved, but now I also have a nasty cold, and there are still other things to deal with as well in a timely fashion. So even today, I don't have enough time left for a decent reply, but sure hope I'll get some soon!

However, I just wanted to direct you to the new topic I dashed off, just in case you wish to begin learning more, and if possible, to safeguard your remaining furkids. (tidbit: even the type of water used is vital) You can find it here:

http://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/topic/10737-time-sensitive-the-truth-about-pet-cancer-replay/

Maybe you're not ready yet, but thought I'd offer all the same, as I don't know if you've been aware of other topics here lately, and just didn't want you to miss this opportunity. That said, I'm not sure how view-able it would be on a tiny screen, but I imagine at least you could listen.

I hope you're being as good to yourself as possible right now, and know that you're still in my thoughts...

xox, Maylissa

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Dear Maylissa,

There is no need to apologize at all - the fact that you write to me is a huge present to my soul!! You are busy and the most important thing is that you concentrate on improving your health!!!!! I hope this cold goes away soon!!!!! 

(By the way, I started typing another answer, but I don’t know what I did with these Keyes, it seems I lost it, so I’m retyping it). I just want you to know that you and Marty are two wonderful people that I’m eternally grateful for!! Oh no my husband arrived, I’ll continue later!! I’m sorry about that!!! Love and gratitude!!!

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Dear Maylissa ,

 I’m sorry for my abrupt departure yesterday ; unfortunately my husband does not support me and he said he doesn’t approve of me trying to get help and says I’m ridiculous and so on and so on. But I am pretty sure that if I hadn’t joined this wonderful group, I would not be here anymore. I love to read your words and Marty’s and KayC’s words - I am eternally grateful for your support.

Thank you so much for sending me the website - I’m going to visit it , in the future; I’m forever destroyed by my action (killing my Precious Baby Pearl), it has been one year, four months and two days and I miss her with all my destroyed heart and shattered soul. I give them bottled water, because we live in an area where there are wells, so we buy bottled water for us and my Furkids.

I have been having migraines much more frequently and I’m forever destroyed; I know,Maylissa, that something died inside of me. And I thank you for letting me talk about it. The guilt and pain are immense and I die again every time I hold Rocky, her son. They didn’t deserve any of that and I’m eternally sorry for what I did.

Not knowing what happens once they cross over is hard; I want to know if she has reincarnated; where she is; if people are good to her, etc; that is why I’ll contact an Animal Communicator to talk to her and beg for her forgiveness. I need her to be with wonderful people.

Maylissa, I hope the cold goes away soon!! Fall weather is here, so please stay warm!! 

I can’t thank you enough for the fact that you write to me!!

xoxoxo monica, aka destroyed individual.

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Dear Kayc,

I hope you are having a wonderful day!! I want you to know that I’m very grateful for all the messages you sent me.

A little while ago when I was typing an answer to Maylissa, on the top of my phone a message said that you had sent me a message; so when I finished my message to her, I was looking for your message in order to answer it; but I don’t find it. I don’t know if it was a mistake, but I really saw that on the top of my phone. So, if you sent me a message, would you mind sending it again, so I can read it and answer you?? I just don’t want to miss anything you want to send me. Also, I apologize for the inconvenience and trouble!!

I wish you a great day and I’m very grateful for all your help!!

xoxo monica, aka destroyed individual 

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Hi Monica,

I only have awhile to spend here, and yes, I still have this nasty cold, but wanted to at least say a few things. (one day soon I hope to get back to your older post where you asked some questions, etc.!) 

Firstly, that's not a "website," but a free (for a short while) docu-series that's been going on all week. The last episode (5) begins airing today, for likely only 2 days. All previous episodes (1-4) are also still available to watch for free, each one being ~an hour long, but that will all disappear once the series is no longer being aired online. (it, w/other bonuses included, can also be purchased for $97 U.S.) 

And I hate to say it, but bottled water is not necessarily safe either, nor does it contain what is optimal for best health. It's just another lie/marketing gimmick the public has bought into. It might be better than tap water, but even that is up for debate, depending on where you live and other factors...not to mention the environmental damage bottled water and their manufacturers do. That's another big subject, though. Nothing is simple anymore these days...*sigh*...and that's a big part of the problem in trying to safeguard our furkids. At the least, I would try and find a good/vetted brand of spring water instead. (you can usually get this in those big, refillable jugs) And never use plastic bowls (or dishes), either, but only SAFE glass. And see if you can let the water sit in sunlight as well.

I truly can feel your pain bleed through your words, as I am gifted/sometimes cursed? with being part Empath, and feelings often come through for me through people's written words. Plus, I can just cognitively understand WHY you'd feel as you do. I think I said before, I would likely feel much the same. So no, not only do I not have the right to try and talk you out of how you feel or view anything, but I know that's an impossible task at core, regardless. Only you can do that, and only when or if you want to. And I take the view that it's ONLY been just over a year, and I suspect you have a lot to process before your pain becomes more 'manageable.'

I know you feel "destroyed" and that "something died inside" of you when you lost Baby Pearl. Who can blame you? I'm  more than familiar with such feelings myself, and at present, I think more has died in me than has ever been restored, or re-birthed. But I also know we are never the same, exact person today that we were yesterday, whether that be from negative OR positive events in our lives. As is truthfully said, the only certainty is change. But while we can't have "do-overs" (more's the pity!!!), at least not until we figure out HOW to effect that into existence here(?), we can still try to take tiny steps forward over time, in whatever ways we can challenge ourselves to do.  

Yes, I'm sure it tears you right up inside to hold Rocky. It would me, too. On the other hand, I would also feel compelled to be doing the very best I could for him, as if I would be somehow atoning for the part I conceivably may have played in his dear mother's death. And part of that would have to then include making my own emotional healing a high priority, because I (and many others) KNOW our beloved animals are also "mirrors" for us and OUR states of being. I was rather firmly reminded of this fact a few times by our brilliant homeopathic vet, whenever my girl, Nissa, was ailing, and I tried my best to "hop to" and get my OWN head in order, to try and avoid making her suffer for my poor state. I was not always wholly successful, but I did my best to TRY, by whatever means worked best for me at the time.

I'm telling you this out of love, because the last thing I'd want to see is either Rocky or any of your other babies affected negatively, and then, as a result, you feeling even worse than you already do. I know it probably sounds like too tall an order for you right now, but perhaps if you can take the same perspective I did -- that of wanting to put my girl's interest either above, or at least on par with, my own (which is what love entails, does it not?) -- then maybe this kind of intent and action will help propel you forward in your healing.

This is what I did in large part after I lost my boy. My focus and attention (despite being an extreme basket case and sobbing continually) went to his sister, my cherished furdaughter. It wasn't easy, particularly because she DID become so ill straight away, partly due to her own terrible grief, and partly due to mine. But when I realized what I was doing to her, I HAD to make a shift. I had a "a-ha" moment soon thereafter, where I clearly heard the words in my head (but not coming from myself), "you must CHOOSE LIFE for her." (I had been studying A Course In Miracles prior to my boy's death, from which this "directive" to me came) And from that event came a miracle. From that day on, suddenly Nissa was wanting me to take her to our old haunts again, was wanting to play, and to eat a bit more on her own again (rather than always being finger-fed by me). She put on weight, when she had been anorexic from grief. Her labs improved more and more. And, as I'm fond of saying, I saw my girl finally "come into her own" even though her hugely-loved-and-dearly-missed brother was no longer there with us (physically). And it all came out of that ONE decision, that one Divine voice I tapped into in sheer desperation. That gave me some momentum, and more reason to live, even if it still took quite awhile longer to dull the pain of the too-early loss of my precious fur-son. 

But when I lost my beloved Nissakins, I had no more furchildren of my own to live FOR...an even more horrendous journey. Yet I ended up loving again, a few times. And got my heart shattered more times than not. And that has continued right up to the present. Yet I'm still here, still trying, despite my weary heart. So while this is no fairy tale ending, I still pray some of my own story gives you some hope for your own future. 

I also remain so sorry your husband is so controlling and abusive to you. My entire family was abusive, as were/are most of my relatives, and several former friends, so I have lots of experience with this. It seems I have suffered a lifetime of such fools...although NOT lightly! ;) I do hope you don't allow him to dissuade you from getting any help you need or want, as these kinds of people take massive tolls on our spirits as it is, never mind when we are at our lowest. This is a large part of the reason I now have an autoimmune disorder. I ought to have put myself first, above them, much more often than I did. However, I recently laid it on the line with another one of them recently (who was trying yet again to dupe me into helping herself feel okay with what she did to me), and that feels nicely empowering. 

Until next time, take good care, Monica.

 

 

 

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Dear Maylissa,

thank you again and again so very much for your wonderful support, for your wisdom!!

Also, thank you for telling me that it is a Document-series, not a website. I’m sorry I got it wrong by thinking it was a website!

I can’t thank you enough for explaining about water to me - yes, I know the issue with bottles and the environment (that is 😞 so sad all the bad way we “people “ treat our beautiful Earth 🌏), but I recycle everything I can; however, I thank you for explaining to me about spring water!!! Yes, my Furbabies have glass or ceramic bowls!! I know plastic is not good!! Also, I thank you for the tip about the sunlight, I did not know that!!

As far as My Rocky, oh yes, I shower him with love as always, but the only difference now is that my heart gets more tight when I pet, kiss and hold him!! But, when none of my Furbabies are around, I cry ; but I do my best to pretend I’m ok when they are around!!

Yes, it is too soon- one year, four months and two days- so I do have a whole lot to process; I’m even questioning why God let that happen in the first place.....to teach me a lesson??? To teach me about rabies shot????? 

And, I also feel that “more has died in me than has ever been restored, or re-birthed”. Your sentence is perfect for me, it describes me.

I will try to take the same perspective you did. 

I just wish I could go back in time. I think everyone should have this gift - go back in time and act differently, with the new information available!!

My husband, oh boy, it is difficult, he is controlling, I think it has to do with his alcoholism; I know how to deal with that just so I don’t have any trouble!! Unfortunately, I kinda have my hands tied up, my freedom is partial, but I don’t have any emotional conditions to care about that, all I can think and feel now is this immense hole in my heart. 

I want you to know that your stories do give me hope and support!! You are a fantastic person!!! And please don’t let anyone take advantage of your beautiful heart, which is made of pure love!!!

I, again and again, thank you for all the good you share with the world 🌎!!

Until next time, my friend xoxoxo

monica

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Hi Monica,

I’ve C&P’d excerpts of your previous post to me that I hadn’t had time to get to before now, to make it easier to read replies in context w/o having to go back to another page.

You mentioned that your ailments have overwhelmed you - I do hope that they are gone and that your health is restored and that you are feeling great again!!!

Well, it’s not that simple. I’ve developed an autoimmune disorder which they claim will be lifelong, and now will have to try and heal myself from within, which I may or may not be capable of doing. And I have some chronic muscular issues as well, which may be part of the other condition, or not. I believe it's all been caused by my emotional states over the last few years. So no easy fix, but thank you for the well wishes, I'll take them!  

Thank you for mentioning the herb Butterbur - I don't know it but I'll look for it; I drink chamomile tea with honey. I am familiar with EFT, which I do love!!

Oh, EFT! That’s great that you’re familiar with it! The trick of course is to get down to those core issues/beliefs/what-have-you that result in the manifestation of our ailments. It takes a lot of time and discipline to use EFT consistently, I know.  

Please, Maylissa, do not say :" I'll try to make up for my tardiness now, in this terribly lengthy response!" Please, know that your wonderful, amazing, wise, kind message touched my heart, as all your messages do, and I am beyond grateful for the fact that you wasted your time with me - I no more deserve a friend like you, like the amazing wonderful Marty, like KayC, and all the other beautiful kind hearts that take part in this extraordinary site - but, at the same time, I am extremely thankful for the fact that you guys write to me!!

You do not need to beat yourself up so badly that you think you don’t “deserve” a friend here, or that someone “wasted” their time on you. Come on, now, tap on THAT….”even though I don’t think I deserve friends or help, I accept myself and my feelings anyway…” 😉 We also heal ourselves partly by helping others, after all.

Maylissa, I can't believe you said:"......when my feeling of having worth to anyone is at an all-time low"!! 😳😱😱😱 How can you say, think or feel like that?????

I’m so grateful for the way you feel about me, Monica. ❤️ But I say this and feel this way because of how others close to me have been mistreating me and disregarding my feelings in vital matters. And because I have not been able to yet find any competent professional help in the specific area required (are barely any trained in this particular field), and so I have no one really compassionate and experienced to help me. And because, despite all the experience I have amassed that should be of use to me, I’ve still never felt so alone and abandoned in my entire life. So your words of affirmation of my worth (to at least someone out there) are “gold” to me, but still cannot, all by themselves, entirely dig me out of this pit I’ve been in for too long already. But I’m also sure I was guided to you to be the recipient of your kind words! An “earth angel” in disguise, you are. 😇

I am pretty sure I am not the only person who reads all your posts and feels much better to hear your words and also who feels much better from learning from what you say!!! Please, know and I am saying this with all my sincerity (Maylissa, btw, if I didn't feel this way, I would not say it because I am a transparent person, so I always say what I feel and I always don't say what I don't feel) - so I say: You are extremely valued for who you are - your heart and your soul!!

Wow…you’re blowing me away, Monica, lol! And I can’t tell you how much I VALUE “transparency”!! You, too, are a god-send with a very soft-hearted soul…like a cat!!! 😻

Yes, I agree with you: guilt has a worthy purpose. I learned that I will never, ever make the same mistake again.

Well, there ya go, one mission accomplished! And please don’t minimize what you learned. By contrast, just think of all the people who would refuse to learn such a tough lesson and instead make the same mistake all over again, without any further thought or sense of responsibility. You are much bigger-hearted and wiser than that, and this proves it! I hope you can grant yourself at least this amount of credit. I certainly do!

Maylissa, I don't mean to be rude but no one will be able to talk me out of my guilt because what I have done (agreeing to the rabies vaccination) caused my Daughter 's death and, consequently destroyed my heart ).

No rudeness taken, dear Monica. It’s okay. I can still understand why you feel as you do. No amount of just “talking” is going to change anyone's mind anyway. Only inner shifts in perspectives or beliefs can do that.

I do feel very different now - it is like I am still there, at the vet's office and, over and over, I keep seeing my Precious Baby Pearl looking at me, with serious expression in her little eyes and I was stupid enough to make this joke to my husband: " oh, look, how Precious is her little face!! Oh, My Baby, you don't have to be afraid, the shot you will take will be like a little pinch, it will not hurt too much, just like a little pinch; this doctor has experience and he treats many furry babies like you, My Love. And Rocky, Bubbles and Spotty they also got their pinches; mommy wants her Loves safe, sound, protected and healthy!!". I swear, I wish my heart had stopped beating the moment I said that stupid sentence to her!!! I should have had a heart attack there!!!

Oh my, that’s a really rough memory to live with!! 😢 I can see and feel even more levels of why this is killing you inside…even though you didn’t know anything about the dangers of vaccines until after the fact. I’m just so, so very sorry this is how it went. It’s utterly heartbreaking!!!

Again, this is quite similar to what happened with my girl, after I had ASSURED her all day of what her euthanasia would consist of, to prepare her well in advance. Yet that !@#(!@# vet who was sent out RUINED and STOLE what should have been a peaceful transition for her, and by extension, for me, too. And as for my own part in this, I still cannot help but wish I hadn’t been feeling so devastated over her impending death that I did not more forcefully FIGHT against his stupid “assessment” — the one that made him switch the procedure to suit what was likely SOLELY consideration of his precious “timetable”! (he was trying to get to his church hymnal meeting sooner…the people who kept calling his left-ON cell phone) Talk about ethical hypocrisy in a vet! What he did to my girl was unconscionable. But I still bear some of the guilt, too, for not insisting on using the type of procedure I and her integrative local vet (who he worked for) AND her Primary distance vet had already agreed to. So you see?…despite all this knowledge at the time, and having proactively discussed it in advance with the 2 vets who knew us and the specific issues Nissa faced…I still managed to DROP THE BALL. And now I must live with the horrible look of shock and pain upon my poor, darling daughter’s face when that needle stabbed her in her heart, rather than in her midsection, as had been pre-planned. Trust me, you NEVER want to see such a "last look" on the face of someone you love more than life itself!!!!! I can never be sorry enough for letting that happen to her. IF I had known what this would result in  (naturally, he didn’t provide full disclosure, nor any warning!), I would have kicked him out and called the clinic to send someone else instead! With the remedies she was on (for pain, etc.), even if she had had to wait another day, or die a natural death overnight instead, it likely would have been better for her and her soul. But the bulk of my anger resides with that vet, not myself.

And so shouldn’t I also have some compassion for myself, even if only a little bit? After all, I was falling apart as it was, and here was this “professional” suddenly telling me something new, something totally unexpected, and rushing me to make a decision. They use their power to put you right where they want you, and to hell with the consequences, for they won’t suffer them, you and your loved one(s) will! And some of them are just plain ignorant, despite their egos (and/or the drug industry) telling them otherwise. They KNOW people think they can trust them implicitly, and the bad ones take full advantage of that. And despite vets working on behalf of animals, many of them I’ve noticed STILL don’t view animals as equals, either, but as “not as important” as humans. And most have NO training in grief, making matters even worse for the pet parents. Overall, this is a recipe for disaster. So don't you think  YOU deserve some compassion, too???

And yes, if you’re wondering, I DID ask about my girl’s death (w/o giving too much away) with one ACer later on. And yes, she DID feel that pain in her precious little heart, but was not dwelling on it as it had passed pretty quickly. Small comfort for me, though. THAT was her last, obvious physical sensation on this earth, and I was partly to blame.

These are some of the reasons I can comprehend your pain and anguish and suffering.  

But honestly, this all just makes me even more furious at the snow-job that ALL of us have been handed for decades regarding supposed “health care” for our precious fur families! I say, use that anger and self-loathing you’re dumping on yourself to better effect, to help fight these lies we’ve all been fed, which will in turn help countless others at some point. In my humble opinion, that may help you feel better about yourself, knowing you’ve done some good in the wake of your personal devastation.

This is how entire “movements” begin — first, it’s always a personal story that affects someone. Only secondly does it become a public groundswell. You might check out this site which was mentioned in that docu-series, to see if it inspires you:

http://www.protectthepets.com/

At the very least, I think it behooves you to “report adverse reactions” there, as there’s no “reaction” more serious or crushing than causing the death of a loved one!!!!! Let this kind of action on your part create a legacy to your beloved Pearl. Believe me, were there a site in my country for reporting bad vets here &/or for BAD EUTHANIZATIONS, I would have been on there like a swarm of wasps!!!!   

I failed her because I should have been able to hear what she was telling me!!! I always wanted to be like Dr.Doolittle and I read about this gift of talking and listening to Animals and I thought I could communicate with my FurChildren , I mean, I should have been able to hear her, to listen to her because now I know that that Precious serious face she was making was because she knew somehow, she knew it was not going to be something good for her!! 😭😭    My "yes" killed an Innocent Little Being who loved me so much, and that is destroying me. When I realized what had happened - her symptoms and that  last day, when she received the euthanasia - at that moment I felt something huge happening inside me, I felt something, my essence, my soul, my spirit left my body and I felt so light and so heavy at the same time, and a feeling of emptiness, like I have my physical body, but it is hollow inside.

I could be wrong, but what you experienced when your Pearl was euthanized sounds to me like you…joined her in her transitory state out of body! Let me first say that I would have given my eye teeth to have experienced such a thing with either of my kidlets!!! But while I wasn’t so lucky there, I DID have a similar experience with my Sabin, but while he was dying on his final day, not at the time of his actual death. It was only the heaviness (and a massive, bodily fullness of same), but I recognized it as the exact, same feeling I’d had on a couple of occasions when I was a child…and somehow just KNEW this was some part of an out-of-body experience, and a sharing of sensations. Yours, however, goes beyond that, I believe, and sounds like some of the many accounts of people who have witnessed (in various ways) the departure of the soul when their loved ones die. I think this is MOMENTOUS, and a huge BLESSING that confirms just how bonded you and your Pearl-girl are!!!! I consider you SO fortunate in this!!! So perhaps it just needs some reframing in your head??

I also happen to believe that we do, in some inexplicable fashion, ‘lose’ a part of our own souls with major losses…not so much in the sense that our souls are "lost forever," but more akin to a “soul fragment,” or a “piece of you," going with your loved one, to accompany them, and to keep you feeling more highly connected. Trauma can cause this kind of thing, too, mind you…hence people doing “soul retrieval” work for animals and others. (I was guided to do that in my own intuitive way for a close cat buddy of mine once, and he was SO much calmer afterwards, it was miraculous!) That might be something you’d want to look more into for yourself at some point if that sensation remains feeling bad in any way.  

I am still "there " - at that office, on that day and everything happens again and again in my mind,; although I am very able to fake normalcy to my husband, to the cashier at the supermarket, to a neighbor when I wave at them when I go to the mailbox pick up the mail, in other words, I am able to function, but I no longer have my heart and my soul inside. It is weird, sad and weird.

Or maybe it would help you to really sink deeply into that sad, weird feeling and just EXPLORE it, with some amount of detached curiosity. I would love to hear what you might find…  Even if you don’t, I’d suggest you bring this up (keeping details about it to yourself) with an ACer, to see what might be discovered there.  

And yet in that sense, you’re doing better than I was after only a year, for both of my furkids. All most anyone had to do was ask about either of them and I’d burst into tears, choking to spit out some answer.  


I dont know if my guilt will disappear - I don't want it to disappear because that would be, to say the least, immoral; after all, it was my agreeing with the vaccine and my zero knowledge of it that caused My Daughter's untimely passing - and that was cruel, evil and unfair to that Precious Little Baby I forever and eternally love!! I can't forgive myself for that!!

Yes, I “get” this, too. We often hang on to the guilt because we believe it’s a testament to our great love, and it is in one way, but in an unhealthy way if it goes on too long, or with too much intensity. We also need to keep questioning — is that is what we’d wish our furchild to do or feel like, were the tables turned? Again, evil is defined by INTENT, not by a mistake or ignorance of knowledge, neither of which was ever intended. And you did NOT have an intent to kill Pearl. You could believe it was immoral of you to not have looked into vaccines before then, but then, what reason would you have had to do so, thinking (even if mistakenly) that they would simply not be used if they were that dangerous? Again, your anger belongs where it really belongs — with the drug manufacturers, the medical establishment and these broken systems, not as much with yourself. Perhaps you are also turning it inward upon yourself because you feel impotent against these controlling powers out there?

But even IF you ever forgive yourself, that will never mean you’ll forget…unless you lose your memory altogether.  Forgiveness is really just an acceptance of something that happened, and self-forgiveness is acceptance of how you were (being) at a certain point in time.

i have also contacted an Animal Communicator in order to know how My Baby Pearl is and also to ask for her forgiveness. The lady said she did not blame me, but the vet and since it was a vet fast telephone session, only 45 minutes, and I was not well, I was much worse than I am now, my emotional state, I want to contact another one again in order to contact My Baby Pearl - I need to know if she has reincarnated, if she is happy, how she is doing and, again, beg for her forgiveness and tell her I am forever sorry for killing her and separating her from her Son Rocky and tell her I had never imagined that the rabies shot would be able to make a mass grow in her precious baby bladder!! 😭😭😪😓😨😱😳😭😭😭😭😭😭 I wish all my organs had been infected with cancerogenous cells!!!!

You don’t even need an ACer to say all that to your baby girl. Just SAY it to her spirit, &/or write it all out, uncensored, and read it aloud to her. But do you really wish to become cancerous and hence leave all your babies without YOU to take care of them? I understand the "wanting to die" kind of sentiment, but certainly wouldn’t want to see such a dire wish come true for you, or them!

I connected with my girl on one of her angelversaries, and spoke to her of my own guilt. It’s too personal to share her response here, but suffice to say, she came back with some pretty surprising replies that left me feeling even MORE blessed to have her as my furdaughter! She certainly didn’t blame me. There are many places on the net nowadays where you can find free methods to connect on your own, so maybe that’s something you could try, too?

Maylissa, I just loved what your Fur-Son told you via the Animal Communicator!! ❤️❤️ I hope your Fur-Baby Boy has met My Princess, My Baby Pearl!!! And I hope and pray they are Happy!!!! 💕💕💘💖😻😻😻😻

That reminds me…you can’t upload a pic of your girl here, can you? It would be lovely to see her!

Last I checked (through Teresa Wagner), my Sabin was working in a leading type of way (which he always was in our family — the LEADER!), to connect certain animals with certain humans for their life journeys, while my Nissa was working exclusively with cats….which apparently, in all of Teresa’s decades of ACing, was highly unusual for animals in the spirit realm! All I could say was, “Well, that’s my girl!…following in her Mom’s footsteps!!” (as in my preference for working with, and just plain adoring cats in particular)  


I would do anything, Maylissa, if I could, in order to go back in time and say " NO!!!!!!  " to that horrendous rabies shot!!!! I would give my life to have My Baby Pearl back!!!!!

I know....and I thought of that sacrifice often myself. The problem always was though, if I wasn’t here, because I’d given my life to save my furchild, they wouldn’t have me, their Mom, to take care of them! And so, that thought eventually morphed into some acceptance, and frankly, having thought about my kids’ death hundreds of times beforehand, I always preferred that they’d be the ones to go before me, so they would never have to live a day here without me. It was preferable for me to be the one left in agony at their departure. I actually take much comfort from that thought, and reality.

Maylissa, please, I do hope and wish you find your resilience and use your rights to say " no " to whatever it is that is a nonsense. Please, always remember that you are a very strong woman and you can do that!!

Ha, these days I seem to feel more like I used to be strong and resilient. Part of my health issue includes fatigue and depression, so it stands to reason. It would REALLY help if the medical establishment knew what the heck they were doing with this condition, but as usual, they don’t have much of a clue, and can even make it much worse. That’s why it’s falling on my shoulders to find answers for myself. Honestly, I had better vets than I do human doctors!  

The other things I need to say “no” to are even more difficult, as all this is very costly, and I simply can’t afford what I need all by myself.


...However, pardon me for not agreeing with you - please know that I don't mean to be rude for not agreeing with you - but I do not believe My Baby Pearl's transition was divinely timed - no, no!! I, unfortunately, caused her death and if I had not given her the rabies shot, she would still be here with me, Maylissa. And that is what hurts the most because it was not a natural death,........ I caused it.....by agreeing with the shot! 😓😪😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I took, at least, fifteen years of life she still had. 😪😓😭😭 I know, I feel, deep inside, that I am a murderer!! 😭😱😱😱😱😭😭😭😭😭

You’re under NO obligation to believe anything I say! It was just a thought to maybe keep in mind, based upon all I have noticed throughout my own life when bad things have happened. It’s an observation that has often served me well…but usually only in hindsight, sometimes taking years to see more wholly.

There are also hardly ANY “natural” deaths for animals anymore, as compared to decades ago. If it’s not through accident, or caused by sheer recklessness (or worse, abuse!), or a diseased state, animals dying of “old age” just isn’t the norm now. So for all you know, Pearl may have later become cancerous from some other things as well. Or perhaps she was already “predisposed” to it occurring, by that point. When nearly everything our animals are exposed to on a daily basis is toxic in some way, unless we’re extremely cautious with and enriching of their whole environment, chances are they will succumb to something, just as we do. Emotional states also play a huge part in this. Cancerous conditions also mean there are weaknesses or imbalances in the body, and today’s overall conditions and lifestyles tax our bodies in ways they weren’t meant to be able to withstand for long without (often many) preventive actions. In other words, you may still not have gotten a “natural” death for your girl, regardless. I know it’s not really a comfort by itself to think of such things, but it’s still worth noting somewhere in the back of the mind.

For example, I tried to use such comparisons at times, for a bit of relief in the guilt. What if, for instance, my boy had gotten killed by a dog running at large who came into our yard? (this nearly happened a few times due to people who refused to leash or control them, or even actively encouraging their dog to "get the cat!") Would that have felt worse to me than what he went through or how he did die? I had to admit, yes, in some key ways that would have felt worse for me. And so I would play with these other possibilities. Some helped, some didn’t, but it was worth exploring.  

i agree with you - I don't like to use the word "goodbye " because it seems so final. I love that you say " they are only invisible to me on this earthly plane! " I always say My Baby Pearl is inside my heart - always and forever!! I just hope she still accepts to be in my heart, I hope she still wants to be in my heart; however, if she no longer accepts this idea, I thoroughly understand and respect her wishes - after all, look what I did to her!!! 😒😒😪😓😪😓😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 it is extremely natural that she does not want anything to do with me - ever!! I can accept that; however, I will always......always, forever, eternally and infinitely love her!!!!!!

Well, I can’t imagine that she’d feel any differently about you, either. Isn’t that partly why we love animals so darn much? Their love is so much purer than human love. But the fact that you’d be willing to accept any condemnation from her probably also at the same time increases the love bond between you two, because that’s LOVE!   

When you said that maybe we had a soul pact with each other, so, don't you think I - unfortunately - destroyed that pact? 😓 , you know, by killing My Baby Pearl?? 😭😭😭😓😪😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Oh, heavens NO!!! It’s my belief that as souls, we form pacts or agreements with other souls before we incarnate, and those can be chock-full of all sorts of situations, both good and bad, but essentially are often ways to keep “growing” ourselves, bettering ourselves and the like, or sometimes just to experience things of different natures in a shared lifetime. And physical death does not destroy them, since souls are eternal. A pact is a pact, for at least one lifetime, if not more. Besides, time is just a human construct anyway, so on a quantum level, everything, every lifetime, every parallel universe, is occurring all at once. 

When you talk about your Precious Nissa 😻💖💕💞💝💘💗💓❤️😻, it is soooo beautiful and touching!! Maylissa, I do believe that she will be back in your life!!!! Maybe she is already back, sporting another precious furry little body.... because the story you both have is so magical!!

Sighhhhh…yes, it is, as it is with her brother, too. (I just never spoke as much about him here) However, I’ve told them they should NOT come back to me this time, or at least not yet and possibly not ever, depending. And frankly, with the world as it is right now, I honestly wouldn’t want to subject them to IT, or to many of the people in it, given the choice. But I am just in no position right now to care for anybody else's life, much less my precious furkids’!!!…even though that is killing me. No ACer to date has ever seen them as being reincarnated (unlike what many others are told), and I believe they never would unless I asked them to. They know their Mom’s heart intimately and I speak to them more about our great reunion instead. I had told them 11 years ago that maybe around 10 years after my girl's death, I’d be ready again. But life has thrown me some massive curve balls in those 11 years, and now I have even more grave and practical concerns for which there are no ready answers. That is another grief I suffer with right now. Another shattered dream I must face.

I do wish all vets really cared only about Animals 's wellbeing and really searched for holistic treatments and only cared for their Furry Patients 's health!! I applaud the homeopathic and holistic vets!! Thank you so much for offering to help me re-educate  myself, but I have to admit, I am not ready, yet, to learn more, at this point in my existence; what I have learned - after the fact - (vaccines cause tumor, cancer in older cats and dogs) destroyed, crushed me and I am not ready to continue; if I ever get to a more stable emotional state, I will definitely let you know!! Thank you so much!! I want you to know I thank you for your wonderful offer!! Also, thank you, Maylissa, for saying that the fact that I'm sharing My Precious Baby Pearl's story is something positive. I hope all Furbabies's parents learn from my horrible mistake! 😒😪😓😭

I would hope many would, although tragically, a lot of people don’t want to know or learn. But those who have experienced these things for themselves are always amongst the champions for change. And now, even very young animals are getting cancer. The rates are absolutely shocking. In fact, the last feline buddy I’d had here last year, a wonderful Tuxedo cat who wasn’t even 1 year old, likely (from what I heard) got cancer and was probably promptly euthanized, rather than fought for to keep alive and heal. It was so obvious he was ill with chronic, bad diarrhea and pica, but I didn’t know until later where he lived, and perhaps his people didn’t really care anyway. It sounded like he was also quickly “replaced." I’ve experienced that go on far more often than people taking responsibility and going the extra mile for their animals…especially if they’re cats.

As well as from vaccines, animals are also getting cancer from commercial/cooked/ processed pet foods, and so much more…paralleling its rapid rise in humans, too. We’re all living entities after all, and for all our differences, our physiologies are still pretty similar. But if people refuse to learn, it will only get more dismal. I’ve even known people to get kicked off forums just for pointing out what they had learned, as being considered too “controversial,” or non-status quo and therefore “upsetting” to others. While I sit weeping in frustration for all the precious lives needlessly lost. For me, it has become very wearisome and more than depressing after nearly 2 decades of becoming aware…which is why I’m so heartened now (finally!) by these others taking up the fight.   

Maylissa, thank you so very much for saying you feel blessed to meet someone like me, when I can only feel hate for myself!! I am in a state where all I feel is aversion, loathing and repulsion for having killed My Princess!! 😒😪😓😭 so, I thank you for your kind words!!

Well, Monica, like you, I wouldn’t say such words if I didn’t believe them to be true! The very fact that your conscience is killing you tells me a lot about who you are inside, and you are the kind of people this world needs. I truly hope you can stop killing yourself with that guilt, because we can’t afford to lose even ONE of you!

Yes, for sure, it stings afresh when I learn anything about vaccines - yes, you understand how I feel. For sure, it does seem like a never-ending painful journey!

I don’t think anybody who loves animals can chance being unaware of the info in that docu-series (or wherever they can get it), it’s that vital to know. Yet, for you at this time, that much info might be too traumatizing to take in as yet. But at the same time, I keep thinking that had you been able to watch even some of it, you might have started seeing how vastly this was NOT your fault, and for that purpose alone it would have been invaluable to hear. With any luck, it will still be offered for purchase for a long while yet.      

I feel in my heart and soul and I deeply know that this whole experience scathed me for good - I mean the pain of knowing that my action (agreeing with the vaccine without having any medical knowledge!!!!!) caused My Baby Pearl's untimely passing; also, I also feel completely destroyed because her son - Rocky - doesn't have his Mommy anymore and it is soooooo sad to hear him meow - I know he meows because he misses her, but my husband says that he meows because he is partly Siamese, so he is vocal and he also says that he meows because he wants treats, but I believe he meows because he is sad since he doesn't have his Mommy anymore. 😪😓😒😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Yah, I’m pretty sure YOU have a pulse on what’s really going on, over your husband’s take on it. Sure, some Siamese blood (just like my kids had as well!) usually makes for more vocal cats, but cats do grieve, too. And Rocky probably needs a lot more attention because of it. But you probably know his particular, unique meows better than anyone, so as to interpret them best. Trust your own heart on that, and don’t trust anyone who isn’t as connected or caring about your furkids. (I have a story illustrating that, too, but it’s SO painful to me even now, I cannot share it in public)

On the other hand, as I said, animals are mirrors for OUR emotional states, so your upset is likely affecting Rocky as well. His vocalizing breaks my heart, too, btw…just as it did to see my girl lose her cherished brother and grieve so badly. Except she went mainly SILENT, which was hugely disturbing! However, that epiphany I had regarding her life came around the 3 month mark, so nowhere as long as your timeline. Animals are usually able to get through heartache faster than us humans, but they do have to be given incentive and means to heal as well. Again, I’d recommend PLAYTIME/bonding time!!!  

Aside from that, I am just THRILLED that you managed to keep Pearl and Rocky together up until Pearl's death! You have no idea how often I lament how people callously rip feline mothers and their babies apart, AS IF their family relationships mean nothing to them!! There is VERY little or no effort normally made, even by the best no-kill rescue organizations, to keep these families together, and I can easily imagine how heartbroken these mother cats become. So while I don't know how young or old Rocky is, I can still say I'm so thankful he at least got to grow up still WITH his mother for a time. How few cats are ever that fortunate?

I have had , like everyone else, bad situations in life before and some of them broke my heart , but I got up, looked ahead, kept a positive attitude, time went by and life went on; but, this, this was simply the worst thing that had ever happened to me and the feeling that comes with this circumstance is different, for I feel as if my heart broke in millions of tiny little pieces and therefore it is not possible to pick them up and glue them back together because some pieces got lost, they are gone and that is why I feel holes in my heart. My husband said that I have to accept death because people and Animals die and I told him that I understand and accept that - obviously, I become sad someone died, I mourn, I grieve, but I told him that what is difficult for me to accept is the fact that I killed our Baby, I murdered her with the rabies shot and I feel destroyed inside because the only thing I wanted to happen was to keep My Four Little Balls of Fluffiness healthy and protected from any illness........and I accomplished only the opposite..........because a mass grew on her precious little bladder. I could never have imagined that a vaccine would be able to cause cancer!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Yes, that “responsibility” pain can be immense…but only if someone IS a really responsible type! If you weren’t, you just wouldn’t care that much, if at all! So at the very least, I say give yourself some more credit here by acknowledging how wonderfully responsible a mother you are! I know that won’t ease the pain much, but it’s still a part of the process of healing inner wounds, so it needs to be brought into solid awareness. Wouldn’t it be worse if you hadn’t cared that intensely? Sure, you wouldn’t be suffering so now, but your furbabies, including your Baby Pearl, wouldn’t have received the same kind of love (and yes, overall care) as they did from you all along.

Again I say, you needn't accept responsibility for not knowing it was a snow-job we’ve all been fed about vaccines. If even so many vets still believe in the nonsense out there, and have been advised by the drug manufacturers to use doses of vaccines in the SAME AMOUNTS for a Great Dane as for a tiny puppy or kitten or cat, how is that OUR fault or responsibility?! Is it our fault these vets don’t think for themselves? If anyone is to be blamed, first in line are drug companies, and those who support their lies. Second in line would be those vets who can’t even read and follow the instructions provided on ALL vaccine packages that say a vaccine should never be given to ANY animal who is already unhealthy in any way, yet they give it regardless. Again, how is that our fault? It’s NOT. You are NOT to blame for not being given informed consent. That principle and legal right, is not meant only for humans, but I’d bet such nonsense would be argued in court, as if non-human lives weren’t just as worthy.  

I and others have been patiently waiting for the public to finally catch up by getting informed. We should all be outraged, but not at ourselves, because we never asked to be lied to or to be denied this full informed consent. Human history is fraught with the greatest deceits perpetrated upon its own kind, and this is part and parcel of it all. Once you know the background of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the world, it all becomes very clear how we’ve been so stupendously duped and manipulated for profit.   

Oh, no, if the shoe was on My Baby Pearl's Precious little paw and she made a healthy decision on my behalf and I died because of it, I would not even blame her on the first place - I would tell her that mommy continues loving her, and forever will,  from the invisible plane!!

Well then, how could you think that in the same fashion she’d not forgive you simply for not being aware of something even most vets are in denial about or otherwise not disclosing to their clients? As are most people working with conventional vets, you were led to believe vaccines are a given route to future health, and carrying no real risks. You can’t be blamed for not knowing all the ins and outs. Amassing that knowledge takes work and much discerning, and/or a caring, well-informed vet to help re-educate you, but who is going to even begin such work if they have no reason to suspect there’s a problem?

The reasons you may have been led into this harsh lesson through this tragedy is anyone’s guess. For myself, personally it’s a Big Picture reason, I believe. I have always had a bent for deep thinking, learning, great curiosity, philosophy, discernment, etc., and therefore growth, in a word. Why that is more spurred on by pain instead of pleasure, is as complex a question as anything involving humans, and my own personal nature…not easily answered in a sentence or two. So your own life picture is likely equally complex.

But I'll say this. There have been a few larger events (both seemingly “good” and “bad”) in my life where it seemed I was pulled into making decisions that ultimately ended up for my higher good, though many hurt like hell at the start. In retrospect though, I recognized them as Divinely orchestrated. These moments also included how I was Divinely guided to find my kidlets - pretty much the IDEAL kidlets for ME, and I for them❣️ Nissa’s own soul played a crucial role in this entire soul-family plan for the 3 of us, so none of this was any “accident” or “coincidence." But it took me several years to arrive at this larger awareness, followed by a rock solid, otherworldly KNOWING of its truth once I “got” it. However, I also know when we’re still in the thick of things, it can feel impossible to see, feel, or accept such things. Even knowing this now, I am at another such crossroads where I cannot yet see the “good” for my higher self in most of this. My faith has once more been shattered to bits, and so I stumble, just as most of us do during trying times.   

______________________________
To speak to your last post, unfortunately, there is no such pretending around animals. They don’t do those human games, and that is why they are such accurate mirrors for us and our issues. They see/sense what is really in your energy field and the “vibes" in their environment, and there is no hiding that from them. They are naturally attuned to all that, as we are as well, but most people have been desensitized to it.

That said, acting as if you’re lighter or happier than you really are, can also help get you there a bit faster! Have some rousing PLAY with them as often as possible! Movement helps move emotions around and out of the body. And if your playtime can get you smiling or laughing even briefly, all the better for ALL!! Another proven healing method is a cat’s purr, so take advantage of these magical frequencies and resonances! They get lovely strokes, you get some beneficial healing and calming back -- win-win! (so there’s also a sound reason cats purr to themselves when they’re ill) There is nothing in this world that can get me out of miserable feelings like playing with catties! I go to a new (NON-exploitive) cat cafe´for my “cat fix” every now and then, and help them get played with and hopefully adopted out that much sooner. Win-win-win.

As for your husband, well, alcoholism certainly explains a lot of it! That background is in my family, too, so I’m more than familiar with its effects. It’s good to know though that you’re not caring about it right now, so overshadowed by your grief that you can’t afford to, I imagine. But I feel terrible for you regardless, as it’s just not a healthy or safe atmosphere in which to mourn. Too many of us share similar situations, making recovery that much harder and longer.

I’m so grateful for your compliments to my character, dear Monica. They help keep me believing in myself more often. My heart has been not just taken advantage of more times than I can count, but has been actively stomped on, particularly when I’m at my lowest points. And so I still have holes in my heart too, including over the deaths of other important things in life.

But on the plus side, now I’m finally all caught up here! ;) 

xox
Maylissa    

 

 

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Dear Maylissa,
 
As always, I want to express my gratitude for the fact that you answer my messages!!!!! Thank you for the C&P the excerpts!!
 
I'll comment the same way - it is a great idea - this way we don't have to go back and forth!!
 
About the autoimmune disorder and the chronic muscular issues, oh Maylissa, I do hope and wish with all my heart that ou do heal yourself from within.......I don't know what could help, but how about a few approaches, such as: EFT, meditation, massages (please check with your doctor, first), all I want to say is that I do hope you find a way (or ways) of getting rid of  symptoms!!
 
You do not need to beat yourself up so badly that you think you don’t “deserve” a friend here, or that someone “wasted” their time on you. Come on, now, tap on THAT….”even though I don’t think I deserve friends or help, I accept myself and my feelings anyway…” 😉 We also heal ourselves partly by helping others, after all.
 
Thank you for telling me to tap on that feeling that I don't deserve a friend..............I'll tap on that, but my guilt and sadness is so immense, you don't imagine!! *:( sad
 
I’m so grateful for the way you feel about me, Monica. ❤️ But I say this and feel this way because of how others close to me have been mistreating me and disregarding my feelings in vital matters. And because I have not been able to yet find any competent professional help in the specific area required (are barely any trained in this particular field), and so I have no one really compassionate and experienced to help me. And because, despite all the experience I have amassed that should be of use to me, I’ve still never felt so alone and abandoned in my entire life. So your words of affirmation of my worth (to at least someone out there) are “gold” to me, but still cannot, all by themselves, entirely dig me out of this pit I’ve been in for too long already. But I’m also sure I was guided to you to be the recipient of your kind words! An “earth angel” in disguise, you are. 😇
 
Maylissa, I just say to you what I feel and I feel in my heart that you are really a wonderful person!!!!! It is soooo sad and unjust that the people that had the privilege to know you in person, to be in your life, make this huuuuuge mistake of not treating you the way you should be treated - with all the love one can give you, all the respect and admiration!! I know it hurts, but it is their loss.........they are the ones who are hurting a beautiful flower (You) and I hope this beautiful flower (You) will become ,each day, stronger and stronger and will not let these mean individuals hurt you anymore!!! Don't feel alone, neither abandoned because you are not - please know that we (people who take part in this wonderful group) love you and we are able to see the beauty in your heart and in your soul!!!! My wish is that all the nice words you hear about you, pronounced by me and other people, I hope that these words build an invisible ladder to help you come out of the pit you fell. Please know that you will get out of this pit!!!!!!!!!!!! No, unfortunately, I'm not an angel *:(( crying (after all, you know how stupid I was and my "yes" killed my Precious Daughter); but I do think YOU are an Angel and some people do not deserve You and your beautiful heart!!!!! And I want you to know that all my words are sincere, and they come from my heart - you deserve wonderful words!!!! And it is a huge shame some people treat you differently!!!!! 
 
Thank you for comparing me to a =^*^= Kitty-kitty, I just loved that!!!!!!!! 
 
Well, there ya go, one mission accomplished! And please don’t minimize what you learned. By contrast, just think of all the people who would refuse to learn such a tough lesson and instead make the same mistake all over again, without any further thought or sense of responsibility. You are much bigger-hearted and wiser than that, and this proves it! I hope you can grant yourself at least this amount of credit. I certainly do!
 
Oh, yes, I would never minimize what I have learned!!!! That was the toughest and worst lesson I have ever been through!!!!  I will not make this same mistake again!! Thank you so much for giving me this amount of credit!!!!
 
No rudeness taken, dear Monica. It’s okay. I can still understand why you feel as you do. No amount of just “talking” is going to change anyone's mind anyway. Only inner shifts in perspectives or beliefs can do that.
 
Please, re-read the above sentences!! That is why I say and say and repeat over and over: Maylissa, you are sooooo wise and caring!!!!!! And it hurts my heart to learn that people in your inner circle do not see that and do not treat you the way you deserve!!!!!!! I think I'll copy the sentence "Only inner shifts in perspectives or beliefs can do that" and laminate it and keep it in my pocket, so I can read it at least 100 times a day!!!!!!
 
Oh my, that’s a really rough memory to live with!! 😢 I can see and feel even more levels of why this is killing you inside…even though you didn’t know anything about the dangers of vaccines until after the fact. I’m just so, so very sorry this is how it went. It’s utterly heartbreaking!!! 
Again, this is quite similar to what happened with my girl, after I had ASSURED her all day of what her euthanasia would consist of, to prepare her well in advance. Yet that !@#(!@# vet who was sent out RUINED and STOLE what should have been a peacefultransition for her, and by extension, for me, too.  [.............]
 
Oh, Maylissa, wow, I see the similarities between our experiences with those vets - I feel we (and our Precious Baby Daughters) were betrayed by greed, lack of caring and they really RUINED and STOLE our Babies' lives and ours, as well. I just hope that one day they realize that!!!!
And, yes, I will definitely check the site that was mentioned in the docu-series!!!! Thank you so much!!!!
 
I could be wrong, but what you experienced when your Pearl was euthanized sounds to me like you…joined her in her transitory state out of body!  [.............]
 
No, I think you are right..............because since that day, June 24th, 2016, I am very, very different..........the appearance is the same, I just put on about 20 pounds, but my face, hair, these things are the same, I am more alert, I function, clean the house, do laundry, etc, I function, I go to the supermarket and all, but when I say I am different what I mean is that I no longer have joy in life anymore, I do things mechanically, I do feel a huge emptiness, a void inside me.......and I still feel that heaviness and lightness at the same time.......I feel a tightness in my heart, a sadness and I still sometimes think that it was all a huge nightmare, sometimes I go to the living room and think I will see her there.............but I see her Precious Baby - Rocky - and Bubbles........and I hug, kiss and pet them and tell them I love them always and forever and I beg Rocky again and again for forgiveness...............and I cry, as always!!!! 
 
I do want to talk to an Animal Communicator and if I really do, I will share with you what I learn from our session!!!!
 
 
Yes, I “get” this, too. We often hang on to the guilt because we believe it’s a testament to our great love, and it is in one way, but in an unhealthy way if it goes on too long, or with too much intensity. We also need to keep questioning — is that is what we’d wish our furchild to do or feel like, were the tables turned? Again, evil is defined by INTENT, not by a mistake or ignorance of knowledge, neither of which was ever intended. And you did NOT have an intent to kill Pearl. You could believe it was immoralof you to not have looked into vaccines before then, but then, what reason would you have had to do so, thinking (even if mistakenly) that they would simply not be used if they were that dangerous? Again, your anger belongs where it really belongs — with the drug manufacturers, the medical establishment and these broken systems, not as much with yourself. Perhaps you are also turning it inward upon yourself because you feel impotent against these controlling powers out there? 
But even IF you ever forgive yourself, that will never mean you’ll forget…unless you lose your memory altogether.  Forgiveness is really just an acceptance of something that happened, and self-forgiveness is acceptance of how you were (being) at a certain point in time. 
 
Oh, Maylissa, do you see why I say you are wonderful?? And wise?? and amazing????? I'll also copy and laminate the sentences above and keep them in my pocket so I can read them a thousand times a day!!!!!! So, I beg you, pleeeeeaseeee use this immense knowledge, more than knowledge, your wisdom to join me in my chorus when I say you are wonderful and you will be able to get out of that pit you fell into, because you do not deserve that - you deserve the best in life, the best from life and wonderful people in your life!!!!!!!!!
 
You don’t even need an ACer to say all that to your baby girl. Just SAY it to her spirit, &/or write it all out, uncensored, and read it aloud to her. But do you really wish to become cancerous and hence leave all your babies without YOU to take care of them? I understand the "wanting to die" kind of sentiment, but certainly wouldn’t want to see such a dire wish come true for you, or them! 
I have started to write a letter to her, but I haven't finished it, yet. I need to be alone at home to do that, I mean I need to write to her when my husband is on one of his business trips, because I cry, I shake, I feel as if I'm "flying", kinda leaving my body for a moment, it's weird, I cry and cry and my eyes get swollen, I feel physically weak, I don't feel like doing household chores, so I need to be alone to continue my letter to her; but I do want to continue my letter and finish it to her. 
 
I connected with my girl on one of her angelversaries, and spoke to her of my own guilt. It’s too personal to share her response here, but suffice to say, she came back with some pretty surprising replies that left me feeling even MORE blessed to have her as my furdaughter! She certainly didn’t blame me. There are many places on the net nowadays where you can find free methods to connect on your own, so maybe that’s something you could try, too?
 
Ooohhh, I love when you said " angelversaries "!!!! Of course she didn't blame you - you are NOT the one to blame - you only have LOVE for her and she feels it in her furry little heart!!!!!  Thank you for telling me that there are free methods on the net to connect with Our Loves!!!!!! If I do contact her via ACer or on my own, please be sure you will hear all about it!!!!
 
That reminds me…you can’t upload a pic of your girl here, can you? It would be lovely to see her! 
Last I checked (through Teresa Wagner), my Sabin was working in a leading type of way (which he always was in our family — the LEADER!), to connect certain animals with certain humans for their life journeys, while my Nissa was working exclusively with cats….which apparently, in all of Teresa’s decades of ACing, was highly unusual for animals in the spirit realm! All I could say was, “Well, that’s my girl!…following in her Mom’s footsteps!!” (as in my preference for working with, and just plain adoring cats in particular)   
 
My computer is done, I can't afford to have a technician to see if they can retrieve my pictures, by the way, today I am typing this message to you using my husband's laptop - my eyes hurt too much to keep using my little cell phone...........I just hope he never finds out about our messages!!!! All my pictures are in that computer so I have to find a way of getting the pictures from it.  Awwww, I just loved to hear about your Precious Nissa and your Precious Sabin - these two little ones are hard workers and it is beautiful what they do - Sabin and Nissa are both Precious Little Angels!!!! When you talk to them again, please tell them they have a huge admirer (me) here and that I love them too and I send them kisses and belly rubs and please tell them, if they can, to tell My Baby Pearl I love her and I am eternally sorry. 
 
Ha, these days I seem to feel more like I usedto be strong and resilient. Part of my health issue includes fatigue and depression, so it stands to reason. It would REALLY help if the medical establishment knew what the heck they were doing with this condition, but as usual, they don’t have much of a clue, and can even make it much worse. That’s why it’s falling on my shoulders to find answers for myself. Honestly, I had better vets than I do human doctors!   
The other things I need to say “no” to are even more difficult, as all this is very costly, and I simply can’t afford what I need all by myself.
 
Even though you used to feel stronger and resilient before, please tell/remind your brain that YOU ARE!!!!! And I do hope you find a health establishment that is really competent in order to help you, but, in the meantime, know that I send you thoughts of love, gratitude and positive energy!!!!!!! I also hope there is a way to pay for the costs of the treatment!!!!!
 
You’re under NO obligation to believe anything I say! It was just a thought to maybe keep in mind, based upon all I have noticed throughout my own life when bad things have happened. It’s an observation that has often served me well…but usually only in hindsight, sometimes taking years to see more wholly. 
There are also hardly ANY “natural” deaths for animals anymore, as compared to decades ago. If it’s not through accident, or caused by sheer recklessness (or worse, abuse!), or a diseased state, animals dying of “old age” just isn’t the norm now. So for all you know, Pearl may have later become cancerous from some other things as well. Or perhaps she was already “predisposed” to it occurring, by that point. When nearly everything our animals are exposed to on a daily basis is toxic in some way, unless we’re extremely cautious with and enriching of their whole environment, chances are they will succumb to something, just as we do. Emotional states also play a huge part in this. Cancerous conditions also mean there are weaknesses or imbalances in the body, and today’s overall conditions and lifestyles tax our bodies in ways they weren’t meant to be able to withstand for long without (often many) preventive actions. In other words, you may still not have gotten a “natural” death for your girl, regardless. I know it’s not really a comfort by itself to think of such things, but it’s still worth noting somewhere in the back of the mind. 
For example, I tried to use such comparisons at times, for a bit of relief in the guilt. What if, for instance, my boy had gotten killed by a dog running at large who came into our yard? (this nearly happened a few times due to people who refused to leash or control them, or even actively encouraging their dog to "get the cat!") Would that have felt worse to me than what he went through or how he did die? I had to admit, yes, in some key ways that would have felt worse for me. And so I would play with these other possibilities. Some helped, some didn’t, but it was worth exploring.   
 
Please know that I DO believe everything you say!!!!! That goes without saying!!!!! Thank you for explaining that that are hardly any natural deaths for Animals anymore, yeah, I get it, food (even if it is Blue Buffalo), water, even if it is mineral, our lifestyle, I am starting to see it now.......thank you for pointing this things out......I will do keep these thoughts and observations in mind, maybe in a few years I will be able to see things more wholly, as well.
 
Oh, heavens NO!!! It’s my belief that as souls, we form pacts or agreements with other souls before we incarnate, and those can be chock-full of all sorts of situations, both good and bad, but essentially are often ways to keep “growing” ourselves, bettering ourselves and the like, or sometimes just to experience things of different natures in a shared lifetime. And physical death does not destroy them, since souls are eternal. A pact is a pact, for at least one lifetime, if not more. Besides, time is just a human construct anyway, so on a quantum level, everything, every lifetime, every parallel universe, is occurring all at once.  
 
Oh, Sweet Baby Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!! The sentences above are just so fantastic!!!! I will have to laminate them, as well and read them a thousand times a day!!!!! Thank you for saying this, Maylissa, "physical death does not destroy them, since souls are eternal". "Besides, time is just a human construct anyway, so on a quantum level, everything, every lifetime, every parallel universe, is occurring all at once." Your wisdom is a gift to those who know you!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you, Maylissa, always and forever!!!!!
 
Sighhhhh…yes, it is, as it is with her brother, too. (I just never spoke as much about him here) However, I’ve told them they should NOT come back to me this time, or at least not yet and possibly not ever, depending. And frankly, with the world as it is right now, I honestly wouldn’t want to subject them to IT, or to many of the people in it, given the choice. But I am just in no position right now to care for anybody else's life, much less my precious furkids’!!!…even though that is killing me. No ACer to date has ever seen them as being reincarnated (unlike what many others are told), and I believe they never would unless I asked them to. [...........]
 
Ok, I understand it. But what I want to say is that you and them are forever in one another's life - it is a life, a match made in Heaven - and you guys will always be connected by Love, the same way I think about My Furry Babies and I. 
 
I would hope many would, although tragically, a lot of people don’t want to know or learn. But those who have experienced these things for themselves are always amongst the champions for change. And now, even very young animals are getting cancer. The rates are absolutely shocking. In fact, the last feline buddy I’d had here last year, a wonderful Tuxedo cat who wasn’t even 1 year old, likely (from what I heard) got cancer and was probably promptly euthanized, rather than fought for to keep alive and heal. It was so obvious he was ill with chronic, bad diarrhea and pica, but I didn’t know until later where he lived, and perhaps his people didn’t really care anyway. It sounded like he was also quickly “replaced." I’ve experienced that go on far more often than people taking responsibility and going the extra mile for their animals…especially if they’re cats. 
 
Oh, soooo sad, I'm sorry about this Tuxedo little boy that was euthanized..............I just hope (and do know) he was welcomed in Heaven by wonderful beings!!!!!! But, I do wish he could have been saved.
 
As well as from vaccines, animals are also getting cancer from commercial/cooked/ processed pet foods, and so much more…paralleling its rapid rise in humans, too. We’re all living entities after all, and for all our differences, our physiologies are still pretty similar. But if people refuse to learn, it will only get more dismal. I’ve even known people to get kicked off forums just for pointing out what they had learned, as being considered too “controversial,” or non-status quo and therefore “upsetting” to others. While I sit weeping in frustration for all the precious lives needlessly lost. For me, it has become very wearisome and more than depressing after nearly 2 decades of becoming aware…which is why I’m so heartened now (finally!) by these others taking up the fight.   
 
Yes, I am now seen by some people as one of those "troublemakers" because I try to talk to people about the dangers of vaccines and I tell them that it is just right to treat Animals with love, respect and dignity. Many roll their eyes, others say I will not save the world, others say I "waste" my time saying all these things because I did not have children of my own. I say that is not the reason why, I tell them that even if I had biological children, I will always think that all Animals deserve love, respect and care!!!!!!
 
Well, Monica, like you, I wouldn’t say such words if I didn’t believe them to be true! The very fact that your conscience is killing you tells me a lot about who you are inside, and you are the kind of people this world needs. I truly hope you can stop killing yourself with that guilt, because we can’t afford to lose even ONE of you! 
 
Oh, Maylissa, thank you for these beautiful words, now I have tears of joy. Thank you soooo very much!!!!!!
 
 
I don’t think anybody who loves animals can chance being unaware of the info in that docu-series (or wherever they can get it), it’s that vital to know. Yet, for you at this time, that much info might be too traumatizing to take in as yet. But at the same time, I keep thinking that had you been able to watch even some of it, you might have started seeing how vastly this was NOT your fault, and for that purpose alone it would have been invaluable to hear. With any luck, it will still be offered for purchase for a long while yet.     
 
 
I thoroughly agree - the info in that docu-series or from any other source is invaluable for us who love Animals and treat them as who they really are - our Family!!!!! To this day, anything I hear or read still places a dagger in my heart.....I think my wound is still very raw, but it is definitely necessary to learn!!!!!!!! just so I don't do it again, I won't do it again, I've learn this lesson........at the highest price I could pay..........my heart and my soul were not prepared to afford that!!!!
 
 Yah, I’m pretty sure YOU have a pulse on what’s really going on, over your husband’s take on it. Sure, some Siamese blood (just like my kids had as well!) usually makes for more vocal cats, but cats do grieve, too. And Rocky probably needs a lot more attention because of it. But you probably know his particular, unique meows better than anyone, so as to interpret them best. Trust your own heart on that, and don’t trust anyone who isn’t as connected or caring about your furkids. (I have a story illustrating that, too, but it’s SO painful to me even now, I cannot share it in public) 
On the other hand, as I said, animals are mirrors for OUR emotional states, so your upset is likely affecting Rocky as well. His vocalizing breaks my heart, too, btw…just as it did to see my girl lose her cherished brother and grieve so badly. Except she went mainly SILENT, which was hugely disturbing! However, that epiphany I had regarding her life came around the 3 month mark, so nowhere as long as your timeline. Animals are usually able to get through heartache faster than us humans, but they do have to be given incentive and means to heal as well. Again, I’d recommend PLAYTIME/bonding time!!!   
Aside from that, I am just THRILLED that you managed to keep Pearl and Rocky together up until Pearl's death! You have no idea how often I lament how people callously rip feline mothers and their babies apart, AS IF their family relationships mean nothing to them!! There is VERY little or no effort normally made, even by the best no-kill rescue organizations, to keep these families together, and I can easily imagine how heartbroken these mother cats become. So while I don't know how young or old Rocky is, I can still say I'm so thankful he at least got to grow up still WITH his mother for a time. How few cats are ever that fortunate?
 
Yes, about My Rocky - he is vocal, and I do pet him a lot, even more, I shower him with so much love that when he manages to get his little self of my hugs, he spends at least ten minutes bathing his precious little self......sooooo cute!!!!! 
Oh, yes, in my utopic world Mommies and Babies would never be separated!!!!! It was a blessing they spent their lives together, but I have to say that it was my stepson's idea - because when she had her litter (when my husband and my stepson found her she was pregnant), so my stepson chose Rocky and my husband gave Baby Pearl's other furrybabies to a veterinary clinic who told him they help find good homes for them. I do hope so. So, they found Baby Pearl in 2002 and she was pregnant and had Rocky, so I calculate Rocky is 15 years old now. In 2002 I had not met my husband, yet; I was living in Brazil and I met him in 2005. 
 
Yes, that “responsibility” pain can be immense…but only if someone IS a really responsible type! If you weren’t, you just wouldn’t care that much, if at all! So at the very least, I say give yourself some more credit here by acknowledging how wonderfully responsible a mother you are! I know that won’t ease the pain much, but it’s still a part of the process of healing inner wounds, so it needs to be brought into solid awareness. Wouldn’t it be worse if you hadn’t cared that intensely? Sure, you wouldn’t be suffering so now, but your furbabies, including your Baby Pearl, wouldn’t have received the same kind of love (and yes, overall care) as they did from you all along.
 
Now I'm really crying - it is a mix of sadness and gratitude!! Thank you for your wonderful words, Maylissa!!! I can rest in peace with one thing: I really give her (and give the others) all my love, my unconditional love and attention!!!!
 
Again I say, you needn't accept responsibility for not knowing it was a snow-job we’ve all been fed about vaccines. If even so many vets still believe in the nonsense out there, and have been advised by the drug manufacturers to use doses of vaccines in the SAME AMOUNTS for a Great Dane as for a tiny puppy or kitten or cat, how is that OUR fault or responsibility?! Is it our fault these vets don’t think for themselves? If anyone is to be blamed, first in line are drug companies, and those who support their lies. Second in line would be those vets who can’t even read and follow the instructions provided on ALL vaccine packages that say a vaccine should never be given to ANY animal who is already unhealthy in any way, yet they give it regardless. Again, how is that our fault? It’s NOT. You are NOT to blame for not being given informed consent. That principle and legal right, is not meant only for humans, but I’d bet such nonsense would be argued in court, as if non-human lives weren’t just as worthy.   
I and others have been patiently waiting for the public to finally catch up by getting informed. We should all be outraged, but not at ourselves, because we never asked to be lied to or to be denied this full informed consent. Human history is fraught with the greatest deceits perpetrated upon its own kind, and this is part and parcel of it all. Once you know the background of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the world, it all becomes very clear how we’ve been so stupendously duped and manipulated for profit.    
 
Ohhhh, I am so full of hatred and anger towards drug companies and the vets that do not put our Furry Babies in the first place - greed and financial advantage should never be in some vets' minds!! To this day, I think that if I saw that vet again, I would need a lawyer.............a very good one, or I would spend my last days in jail.
 
The reasons you may have been led into this harsh lesson through this tragedy is anyone’s guess. For myself, personally it’s a Big Picture reason, I believe. I have always had a bent for deep thinking, learning, great curiosity, philosophy, discernment, etc., and therefore growth, in a word. Why that is more spurred on by pain instead of pleasure, is as complex a question as anything involving humans, and my own personal nature…not easily answered in a sentence or two. So your own life picture is likely equally complex.
 
I can't thank you enough for your words, Maylissa!! Having a bent for deep thinking, learning, great curiosity, philosophy, discernment, etc., and therefore growth, in a word.... I add WISDOM to that!!!! You have no idea how much you have taught me (and many others, I'm sure) since the very first message you sent me!!!!! I am so grateful for the immense knowledge you share with me, and us all!!!!!!
 
My faith has once more been shattered to bits, and so I stumble, just as most of us do during trying times.  
 
I couldn't agree more!!!!!!
 
-----------------------------------------------------
To speak to your last post, unfortunately, there is no such pretending around animals. They don’t do those human games, and that is why they are such accurate mirrors for us and our issues. They see/sense what is really in your energy field and the “vibes" in their environment, and there is no hiding that from them. They are naturally attuned to all that, as we are as well, but most people have been desensitized to it.
 
Yes, Animals are the purest beings on Earth!! They are all Angels!! When I look into an Animal's eyes, all I feel is pure LOVE!!!!! Yes, they see and sense it all and, unfortunately, many of us became desensitized to what is not touchable.
 
That said, acting as ifyou’re lighter or happier than you really are, can also help get you there a bit faster! Have some rousing PLAY with them as often as possible!
 
Yes, I play with them all all the time, I talk to them and hug them!!! But it is bittersweet...because I can't stop thinking about My Baby Pearl....she deserved to be here, receiving all the hugs and belly and ear rubs, as well. But, I do give love to the other Babies, quite often!!!!!
 
Another proven healing method is a cat’s purr, so take advantage of these magical frequencies and resonances! They get lovely strokes, you get some beneficial healing and calming back -- win-win! (so there’s also a sound reason cats purr to themselves when they’re ill) There is nothing in this world that can get me out of miserable feelings like playing with catties! I go to a new (NON-exploitive) cat cafe´for my “cat fix” every now and then, and help them get played with and hopefully adopted out that much sooner. Win-win-win. 
 
Thank you, again, Maylissa, for telling me this - I did not know Cats purr to themselves when they are ill..............awwww, Precious Little Ones!!!!! I could write a book with all the things I learn from you!!!!  It is so nice that you go to the Cat Café and give those Precious Furry Babies some love and belly rubs!!!! That is absolutely awesome!!!!! Exactly, win-win-win!!!!
 
...... alcoholism certainly explains a lot of it.....
 
Oh, yeah, that (alcoholism) is a whole other different hell I go through...............it is also deep, dark and scary!! I gave up, I don't even have the capacity/ability/strength to try to improve anything on that department. I just deal with him and all that happens, day by day. I wish he could stop abusing alcohol, but he said it is not my business.
 
I’m so grateful for your compliments to my character, dear Monica. They help keep me believing in myself more often. My heart has been not just taken advantage of more times than I can count, but has been actively stomped on, particularly when I’m at my lowest points. And so I still have holes in my heart too, including over the deaths of other important things in life.
 
Maylissa, the compliments I give you is just the TRUTH - you are wonderful, amazing and you have a heart of gold and love!!!!! You have to believe in yourself the same way I do - with intensity and strength!!!!!!! Please, do not let anybody else step on your heart, on your kind and beautiful soul - it is a sin for people to do that!!!!! Don't allow that anymore!!!!! 
 
I do hope that the holes in your heart can be filled with much love I am sending you, and feelings of gratitude for all that you do for us all and beautiful healing energy!!!!! 
 
Thank you, as always, for all your support and caring and wisdom!! You are a light in this dark world!!!!
 
Love, gratitude and healing to us all,
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Monica
 
 
 
 
 

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It goes even deeper than I knew. Some vets are now being persecuted for not wanting to be forced to harm or kill animals through giving over-vaccination doses. Even the MARS Candy company is involved, as apparently they own Banfield Pet Hospital(s), America’s biggest chain of veterinary clinics. See Dr. John Robb's (DVM) short but compelling FB video on "Feareth An Oath." (scroll down page to find it):

https://www.facebook.com/DRRobbPTP/

And here is his testimony to (try to) amend the rabies vaccine law in Connecticut, including some vital, scientific info on titers/titer testing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k44JvhUDW2Y

This entire issue becomes of critical importance to me, personally, as well, since logically I can not allow any forced pharmaceutical "stimulation" of my own immune system, given that it is already attacking my body (i.e. via autoimmune disease), for example, if any doctor wanted to give me a rabies shot if I were bit by an animal. I had not even considered how this vaccine could kill yours truly, too! 

I also discovered there are now certain states where mandatory rabies vaccination can potentially be circumvented on a case-by-case basis, through providing a formal Certificate showing antibody titer protection. For more on that, see the Protect The Pets website's various buttons, as well as:

https://www.rabieschallengefund.org/resources

Some titer testing info and resources for cats and dogs, here:

http://www.dogsnaturallymagazine.com/the-simple-guide-to-titer-testing-dogs/

While it is so sadly too late to use for your dear Pearl, you will need this info to protect the rest of your furkids from rabies &/or other over-vaccinations.

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Dear Maylissa,

😞😞oh, thank you for sharing these fresh news. I’ll visit these sites.

yes, unfortunately my learning about this can’t protect My Baby Pearl, but it can protect my other Babies!!

thank you again!!!

xoxoxo destroyed monica 

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Monica, when I caught this notice yesterday, I remembered you are using Blue Buffalo. You might want to find a safer brand, as B.B. "has issued three recalls in 2017 alone, and it now faces a lawsuit that alleges its products have been causing lead poisoning." "...young animals and dogs are the most common victims of lead poisoning, although cats are also vulnerable."

http://blog.theanimalrescuesite.com/lead-buffalo/?gg_source=ars&gg_campaign=Ad - 468x250news-sliderblue-buffalo-lawsuitnovember2017ars&gg_medium=house&gg_content=2017-11/468x250newsslid_171106115856.jpg

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It's amazing, really, how the past can come back to haunt you with "triggers," no matter how much time has passed. I just finished also watching another great, free, 7-part docu-series on the wonders of Cannibus Sativa, or "medical marijuana," and the plethora of serious conditions it can so successfully treat, and even cure. The more I heard, the more I felt that all-too-familiar frustration, regret, and yes, guilt again, in retrospect. That is because I realized with horror that the whole time my beloved Nissa was gradually failing, I had actually still had almost an entire bottle of cannibus oil capsules in my arsenal of supplies for her, which I could have at least tried to use to see if it may have made a difference!

We had originally used this oil (which came from our local integrative vet who was legally allowed to stock it way back when) to stave off the beginnings of her arthritis several years prior. However, I had stopped it after awhile for various reasons, and just never started it again, as she already had so many other supplements to take.

Of course, I realize that:

(a) most people, even including our 2 learned vets, didn't even know back then that med. MJ could even cure things like cancer, and,

(b) there is no indication on this bottle of what concentrations & ratios of the 2 most commonly known (so far, today) active compounds (CBD & THC) in cannabinoid oils that heal and cure, are even contained in it. Nor is there any indication this product was ever lab-tested for efficacy, how many drops/day would have been effective for something more serious (not that anyone knows this even for humans yet), etc., so there is no way to know if it was even a good form or not.

Still, the thought haunts me. It would have been so EASY to include some drops in her daily regime (and it wouldn't have hurt), just to SEE if it may have done something good for her! I HAD it all along, but didn't even think to TRY it....regardless of not even knowing back then how miraculous this plant really is. I was not the only one watching this series, either, who was expressing regrets for having lost a loved one and not even knowing they may have tried this for them.

I tried to share my feelings with my spouse when they first struck me, but that only left me feeling more alone in this. He is of the view that anything in the past is "useless" and "pointless,"  and of course there's nothing you can do about it anyway, being the past. I don't wholly agree with either perspective, though, and his utterly dispassionate response still hurt, seeing as this was our furdaughter I was talking about, as well as our fur-son (even though we didn't even have these capsules yet when he was still here). And apparently, even if I died, and then a treatment or cure was later found, he wouldn't feel any differently about it! These were all heavy emotional blows to me, discovered right in the midst of feeling how I was about my furkids. And while I know it's his developmental disability at play here, these unfeeling responses still kill me inside. Ironically, it's also his own condition that cannibus is having some wondrous healing results with so far, and so may end up being at least part of a cure for for all we know today!

But my main point is, even though I KNOW that you can't know what you don't know, until you know it, and so there's no rationale for feeling GUILTY about it....ya know what?...you can STILL suffer these irrational thoughts and feelings, no matter how much time has passed. It's kind of crazy what we do to ourselves :wacko:, and yet we persist. And yet, having such reactions are still a mark of just how much we loved someone...

In any case, I'll be looking further into seeing if any of these oils, or tinctures, or whatever forms of medical use, can help ME. (btw, it's also apparently great for migraine pain!)

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Dear Maylissa,

I thoroughly agree with you!!! 

I am unwell. Yes the past haunts me and to me time doesn’t heal anything, nothing will be the way it used to be.

i will write to you some time later, I’m not doing ok, I must rest.

thank you so very much for everything you have done!!!

monica

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