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Joy1974

All over the place, emotionally

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I've spent the last two nights crying my eyes out and begging the powers that be to take me to, so that I don't have to live with the pain of this last year anymore.Then I feel guilty because I have three kids who need me, but it's so hard when I have nobody to just hug me  as I cry, or just someone to talk to about how I'm feeling.It makes me feel like I don't deserve it, and that my feelings don't matter. Going through this crap alone is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

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I surely do hope that you're not working overtime to hide your grief from your children, Joy. Yes, they need you ~ but you need them, too. You are a family, and you are in this together. It's okay to talk with your kids about how you are feeling and why ~ to let them know you are hurting because you're grieving ~ and it's okay to ask them to just hug you as you cry. These are powerful "teachable moments" for your kids, as you are modeling for them that it's okay to express and share with one another whatever you are feeling, and that it's okay to mourn the loss of your loved ones. Wouldn't you want to know that, if you were the one who died, your kids would cry for you? 

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Hi Marty,I don't hide it from them but I worry about my 14 year old daughter, who ,like myself,also has clinical depression.She's doing ok at the moment, but some days she is hurting a lot.We ALL desperately miss my mom, because she was everything to us,but nobody seems to want to talk about her, or my dad.I feel like I HAVE to talk about them, I want to keep their memory alive.My 18 year old and 11 year old are more stable,but they are males and in my family, the males don't like to show emotion.

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Joy1974 I feel for you.  ?  The emotional s__t storms are exhausting.  Marty has some great advice about caring for yourself and I hope you will.

From one Canuck to another, welcome sister.  I am glad you're here but I wish like he__ you didn't need to be.  A virtual hug sure doesn't do the same as the real thing but I'm sending you some anyway.

?

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I don't think your showing your grief will add to your daughter's depression. In my opinion, it is in her seeing you continue to go on in spite of how dark you feel that will inspire her to also.  Also the doing it together.  My son was in the Air Force and my daughter was home on visit when George died.  My son only got a week or two off to come home, but my daughter stayed with me for a while, then started being gone more and more.  When they were there, it helped so much, but that was short lived.  I wish sometimes they could have been there longer, but by the same token, when people have minor children and they deal with raising them alone, that's also hard.  I was a single mom when my kids were teens (George became their stepdad) but their dad was across town so even though I was doing it alone, it's not the same as having their father pass away.  That has to feel like it's "all on you".  One of the good things that has come through this painful unasked for journey is my confidence has grown as I've had to make all of the decisions.  It's hard, but somehow I've survived these 12 years when I never thought I could.

As Marita mentioned, the self-care is so important.  Your feelings and what you're going through is important!

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Thank you so much ladies, Marita, I read a bit about the hell you've gone through lately and I'm so sorry ?.My gramps was left devastated when my grandma died by suicide.He cried that he couldn't just leave her there in the cemetery after the funeral.And I've never seen my grandpa cry before, other than when my mom died last year.I can't imagine how hard it must be.

Kayc, I know you also lost your husband to a sudden death,at much to young an age.I' know you don't really have a support system either.I just don't get it, sometimes it makes me feel invisible.At least my oldest is about to turn 19 so I can talk to him about things somewhat.He has matured some since my mom died.I think she'd be happy.She was also a single mom when I was about 5 and my bro was 3 , for a couple of years until she met my stepdad,then again when we were 16 and 18.So she understood what I go through some days.i miss having that.Im really sorry that you didn't have more time with your husband.That is just so unfair.

 

 

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