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Joy1974

Physical symptoms?

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Has anyone else had them? I just have no appetite at all, and I'm sore from head to toe some days.I have arthritis and nerve damage from degenerative disc disease, but this is different, like a deep ache in my bones.Maybe it's just all in my head lol.

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Thank you so much, Marty.Im so glad to know I'm not crazy.This is a club I wish none of us had to join,no matter who we lose.

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Hi Joy, I'm with you on the no appetite...to the point of upset stomach. Keeping hydrated is important because you have no appetite you can tend to neglect fluid intake as well. Also, the pain in my muscles some days...sore even to touch sometimes. I've recently noticed a very heavy sensation, like I'm wearing a very heavy overcoat...it seems to make me a bit slower in doing things. This might be a protective mechanism I'm not sure. I guess you can't rule out anything when experiencing loss! 

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It's also wise to have a regular check-up with our primary healthcare provider, to rule out any other cause for whatever physical symptoms we may be having. Grief is some of the hardest work we'll ever do, and it can deplete our energy dramatically. So keeping ourselves as healthy as we can is important.

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I wholeheartedly agree with that, Marty. On days when my appetite returns it tends to return with a vengeance, so I try to fill up with nutritious food to see me through the 'knot in the stomach days'

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11 hours ago, Kaybee said:

Hi Joy, I'm with you on the no appetite...to the point of upset stomach. Keeping hydrated is important because you have no appetite you can tend to neglect fluid intake as well. Also, the pain in my muscles some days...sore even to touch sometimes. I've recently noticed a very heavy sensation, like I'm wearing a very heavy overcoat...it seems to make me a bit slower in doing things. This might be a protective mechanism I'm not sure. I guess you can't rule out anything when experiencing loss! 

Thank you, ladies.Kaybee ,it sounds like we are Affectef by grief in a similar  way,Muscle pain is horrible, I used to get spasms in my back but I'm lucky not to anymore.

Marty, I am seeing a doctor on aug 11 for a physical, blood work, pap, the works.I hate the doctors but I'm going :).

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MartyT thank you for the physical reactions to grief article.  I keep waiting for the day when I am refreshed and rejuvenated and it hasn't arrived yet.

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Marty thanks for the info. I have terrible pains in my abdomen whenever I think of my wife who just passed away October 22. Sometimes I can’t take it. What an awful feeling. I’ve read it could take at least 7 month for it to subside. 

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That is true, Kevin ~ but please make sure to see your primary care physician for a routine check-up, just to make sure that nothing else is going on that could be causing your symptoms. I don't know how long your wife was in hospice, but if you're like many caregivers, the tendency would have been to ignore your own health as you cared for and worried about your spouse. Now your role has changed, and you need all the emotional strength and physical energy you can muster to make it through the hard work of grieving. Taking good care of yourself is especially important now, and seeing your own doctor is a good place to start.

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Kevin sorry for your loss of your wife . Abdomen pain is a painful thing to go thru as it makes it even harder to eat with that kinda of pain but I do agree  with marty go to the dr to double check your health as when I lost my Uncle   like 2 yrs ago  I thought the tummy issues  were just part of my grief instead it turned out  I had way low  thyroid levels.

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Thank you for the input. I have just been to the doctor and I’m ok physically.  I have been given anti depression medication and I have been taking anxiety medication already. I try to work out every day and I also go to mass everyday. That’s what my wife did so it makes me feel good to be there and pray. I sure do a lot of praying. I have a good support system with family, friends and at church. I go to a Hospice Counciler every week and most of their Bereavment groups. It all helps a little but i just go back to the belly aches and a lot of crying. It’s been a month today  since my wife passed. 

I have been a caregiver since March of this year and it has taken its toll on me. Marjorie was in hospice for 15 days till her passing.  I just miss her so much and just want her back even though i know that’s not going to happen. Sometimes when I’m really bad I pray to God to just take me so I can be with her. I can’t believe how painful this is. 

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I'm glad you went to the doctor.  Even though in the early time of grief we often feel we want to die, we feel we can't take this, we just want to be with them again, it's so important to take care of ourselves and give ourselves time to adjust.  Yes it is extremely painful, but it doesn't stay at that intensity forever, eventually it settles into something we can more easily bear.  Always we miss them, but eventually the memories bring a smile instead of the gut wrenching pain of the early months.

I wrote this based on my 12 year journey, and I hope you find something in it helpful to you:
 

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.]
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

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The trouble with grief, Kevin, is that it can make us feel (and sometimes act) as if we're "going crazy" ~ because something this earth-shattering has never happened to us before and we don't know what to make of it, much less how to deal with it. That is why I think it's so important for us to learn about what is "normal" ~ and therefore to be expected ~ in grief, and to discover all the many ways to endure it. As you come to know us here, you will find lots of helpful information to help you navigate these waters ~ and you'll find yourself among caring and compassionate others who are in the same boat, traveling the same journey, sitting beside you and offering our support.

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Kevin, 12 1/2 years ago on Father's Day, I found myself in the same boat.  This site has been a lifesaver to me.  Sharing in our journeys, learning I'm not crazy after all, that my feelings are normal in grief, knowing I'm not alone with how I feel, all of that helped.  And there are countless articles here.  As well as this list of books:

 
Amazon gives you excerpts from them to give you an idea of what sounds of interest to you.

I hope you'll continue coming here and posting/reading.  A professional grief counselor is of immense help too in helping us through this journey.

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On 11/22/2017 at 6:54 AM, Kevin53 said:

Thank you for the input. I have just been to the doctor and I’m ok physically.  I have been given anti depression medication and I have been taking anxiety medication already. I try to work out every day and I also go to mass everyday. That’s what my wife did so it makes me feel good to be there and pray. I sure do a lot of praying. I have a good support system with family, friends and at church. I go to a Hospice Counciler every week and most of their Bereavment groups. It all helps a little but i just go back to the belly aches and a lot of crying. It’s been a month today  since my wife passed. 

I have been a caregiver since March of this year and it has taken its toll on me. Marjorie was in hospice for 15 days till her passing.  I just miss her so much and just want her back even though i know that’s not going to happen. Sometimes when I’m really bad I pray to God to just take me so I can be with her. I can’t believe how painful this is. 

Kevin, thank you for sharing your heart.

My wife was totally disabled for the last six years of her life.  Still the day I came home from work and found her dead it was such a complete and total shock to me.  Nothing in my life prepared me for this. Being a caregiver adds another dimension to grief that I didn't even realize at the time.

I searched the internet and finally found this wonderful place.  I have been coming here ever since for 2 years and nine months.  The people here have compassion, love, and acceptance of who we are no matter what brought us here.  You are welcome to read my post from the beginning ( and many others) to discover that most of us have gone through or are going through what you are dealing with now, the utter Shock and AWE of the passing of our most beloved.  

This place with MartyT's professional wisdom and experience have helped each of us immensely in our grief healing journey. Many other people like Kayc, ENNA, KATPILOT, so many others have helped me and gave me hope in a very grim time of my life.  There are tools and resources here to help you and all who want help are available.  I listened, wrote, journaled, prayed, cried, etc..  and discovered what helps me on my grief healing journey.

This is a SAFE place to share your heart and be accepted as you are.  I pray you will continue to come here and share, listen, and learn as you are able.  We are blessed to hear from you and look forward to sharing our grief journey with hope, love, and grace. - Shalom, George

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Thank you so much for your help everyone. I will continue on this site. What a wonderful place where I feel I can get help.

I have make it through Thanksgiving now my next challenge is Marjorie’s birthday on 12/13.  Not sure what to do. I have talked to my wife’s children and suggest just going out for dinner. I’ll take anything so I don’t stay at home all day. Thanks again 

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It's good to have a plan for their birthday, and other special days.  It's also good to not be alone for them if possible.  Here's some articles about special days:

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/p/h.html

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I’m just doing so bad today. I can’t stop crying and thinking about my wife. I get so bad I pray to God to just take me so I can be with her. I don’t know what to do anymore 

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1 hour ago, Kevin53 said:

I’m just doing so bad today. I can’t stop crying and thinking about my wife. I get so bad I pray to God to just take me so I can be with her. I don’t know what to do anymore 

Dear Kevin!

I´m so very sorry for the loss of your beloved wife!

I completely understand as I also lost my beloved man who died 6 years ago.

I haven´t kissed,touched or made love with anybody else since then.

He was,he is and he will be the best,the most beautiful and the greatest love of my life forever.

Send you my sincere hugs and wish you a lot of strength to go through.

May God bless you!

5a1990a0336d7_Heartinhand.jpg.9e47dcc9ef99ce80fb993838a0fb0662.jpg

With love Janka

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Thank you Janka. I’m sorry about your loss also. How have you dealt with your loss for six years? It’s seems almost impossible to do. 

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1 hour ago, Kevin53 said:

Thank you Janka. I’m sorry about your loss also. How have you dealt with your loss for six years? It’s seems almost impossible to do. 

Dear Kevin,

you may read it on my thread "The loss of my beloved man".If you can find it to be helpful some way,I´ll be glad.However there are the 4 things helping me the most...my work to keep myself busy and to do not lose the common sense...my belief in God that has been helping me to go through the worst pain I´ve ever felt in my whole life,including many signs from my beloved man since he died that I take for the blessings by all means...my best friends who have helped me as much as possible,because I stayed totally alone without any family at all...my poems I´ve been writing to him as the best expression of myself and all of those emotions I bring inside since then...I´ve posted them on this site too...

I´m here for you too,whenever you need to talk,dear Kevin...

Hugs from Janka

Heart-sky.jpg.f09a3fb436367aedf0ece472b69fc36e.jpg

 

 

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Thank you Janka. Yes, my belief in God also helps. I go to mass everyday. I have help from family but I worry that I’m bothering them too much. They tell me they don’t know what to say anymore. So today I’ll just stay home by myself and somehow get through the day even though it been so awful.  

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