Guest Janka Posted November 25, 2017 Report Share Posted November 25, 2017 6 minutes ago, Kevin53 said: Also, what signs have you had from your beloved man Janka? I wish I could get some signs from my wife. Dear Kevin, I wrote about them on my thread "The loss of my beloved man" at the beginning and also on many other threads of mine.I found a msg of him in my phone...I found the heart engraved on the sheet of the bed we two had slept 3 days before...I found the chimes,I had bought him,playing on his anniversary and so on...I haven´t heard any signs of him any longer,exception the feeling of his presence near me on a significant days or when I´ve been crying too much again...I think it´s because he is on his own way to be...I should let him go...I couldn´t hold him in this place anymore...He is waiting for me in heaven...I know that he will be back when my time comes...I´ve had the hardest times lately and being so sad I was also wishing to die,it still happens to me,because there´s no real happiness without him anymore,but I try to find a way to cope with...At the beginning I thought it´s the pain as the worst part of grieving...Now I feel it´s the loneliness what hurts me the most... I´m so very sorry of all you too must go through as I do know how it feels and how much it tears up the heart being without the dearest one person in my life...However we all are here as long as you need us to be...We still have so much love,compassion and support for each other,no matter how long it has been... With love Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kevin53 Posted November 25, 2017 Report Share Posted November 25, 2017 Oh Janka you have been through so much. Your story is beautiful and yet it hurts to read some if it. I also hurt from the loneliness. Thank you Janka for taking the time out to help me. I really appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted November 28, 2017 Report Share Posted November 28, 2017 On 26.11.2017 at 12:58 AM, Kevin53 said: Oh Janka you have been through so much. Your story is beautiful and yet it hurts to read some if it. I also hurt from the loneliness. Thank you Janka for taking the time out to help me. I really appreciate it. Dear Kevin! Your post may always touch my heart.The way you response is close to me.No matter how much time has passed by,I still feel the same and I remember how it was at the beginning.I can´t say it´s getting better now,I just found a way how to cope with my pain.People I talk to about what I´ve been going through say how brave I am,but I had to be.I stayed completely alone,so I wasn´t given a choice.However despite of how hard it all has been,I´m still very sensitive person who feels the pain of the others who walk at the beginning of this long journey,because I remember how it feels and I myself sometimes suffer more than ever,because I love my beloved Jan above all forever.I just try to find a little bit of happiness again because of the loneliness I feel the more each day.I´m thankful for my best friends helping me as much as possible,so I can feel alive when I spend my time with them.They´re all I´ve got.Thanks God! Dear friend,you can write me whenever you want to talk.I´m here for you. Send you my sincere hugs and I truly hope that my words can be somehow helpful to give you much needed comfort,support and understanding that you look for. Please know that your beloved one is always with you and loving you forever... Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kevin53 Posted November 29, 2017 Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 Today is a tough day. If I don’t have anything to do during the day, I just stay home and cry. It’s so hard to snap out it enough to get up. I have to try and work out. Just to stop this crying. That’s all l think about is my wife and cry. It’s like torture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 30, 2017 Report Share Posted November 30, 2017 I understand. I think I would have gone nuts if I hadn't had my job to go to when George died. I found when I retired that I had to get involved in activities and volunteering to have a semblance of a schedule, and also some time with people. That really helped me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kevin53 Posted November 30, 2017 Report Share Posted November 30, 2017 Thanks Kayc. I’ll have to look for volunteer work somewhere Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kevin53 Posted December 10, 2017 Report Share Posted December 10, 2017 Well its been seven weeks today since Marjorie passed. Every Sunday is tough to deal with. I try to keep busy but I break down often. I do to any group meeting I can find during the month and they do help just talking about it. I know its early in the grieving process yet but I sometimes wonder if I’m wishing my life away just to get at least a year in to feel better. I thank God everyday that we were together for 21 years. I miss her so much. It’s so hard to be alone in the house especially in the morning. Sometimes its hard to have hope that things will get better. Maybe some of my problem is that I’m just feeling sorry for myself. Marjorie would pray for the Lord to take her and cry for a few seconds and then say she was just feeling sorry for herself and then stop. I wish I could do the same but its very hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 10, 2017 Report Share Posted December 10, 2017 Kevin, This is a pain like no other. It's not for a few months or even a few years, it's for life, but it doesn't stay the same, our grief evolves. Now, 12 years out, I rarely cry, but I carry my grief inside of me kind of like a sadness, even while I'm having a happy moment. It's hard to explain but you learn to coexist with your grief. We're just never the same again, nor is our life. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kevin53 Posted December 10, 2017 Report Share Posted December 10, 2017 Thank you kayc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kevin53 Posted December 30, 2017 Report Share Posted December 30, 2017 Well I made it through Christmas. I had my wife’s family over for a catered dinner. It was very nice. I had my moments ;of crying when the presents were being opened by the the grandkids because I know how much Marjorie loved to see that. Now that everything is over I feel that I have gone backwards again. It’s only been 2 1/2 months but I’m afraid sometimes that I will never be happy again. It’s so hard to cope with the grief. I try to keep busy but as soon as Marjorie enters my mind, I want to cry. I still wish she was here and I miss her so much. I thank God everyday for all the years I’ve had with her and ask for his help. Now it seems to me my family thinks I should be getting better and I don’t want to burden them with my hurting. I’ve been told by my therapist that I have to go back to the gym which I have yesterday. It’s so hard to make myself go there. All I can say is that I’m trying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 30, 2017 Report Share Posted December 30, 2017 "getting better"?? This isn't an illness. When you're trying to adjust to losing the person you love most in life, it's forever and every day we work at it, this isn't about a time frame, this is something we do the rest of our lives. I just posted this for someone else, maybe you'll want to print it out for your family too.http://www.griefhealing.com/column-helping-another-in-grief.htm 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kevin53 Posted December 31, 2017 Report Share Posted December 31, 2017 I printed it out. Thanks kayc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 31, 2017 Report Share Posted December 31, 2017 You're so welcome. I like these articles, sometimes they can educate and articulate what we are unable to put into words, especially when we're in the grief fog and it's hard to think with any clarity! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kevin53 Posted December 31, 2017 Report Share Posted December 31, 2017 I agree. It is hard to think with clarity sometimes. Thanks again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kevin53 Posted January 1, 2018 Report Share Posted January 1, 2018 Wow this is a tuff day for me. Just missing Marjorie very much and thinking about last New Years. Just siting home and crying once in while. I know I should go out and do something but I just don’t feel like it. I’ll make it just like the other holidays. It’s just so difficult to even live sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 2, 2018 Report Share Posted January 2, 2018 That it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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