Being Strong Has Many Faces & The Only Way Through It Is Through It

[kayc]

15 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

We were hit hard by all of them but because we had each other, we got thru.  Being alone now having to deal with his loss and those i know are coming are so magnified.

Maybe that's why I'm so scared of losing my dog, he's all I have now and no one to go through it with.  (I have Kitty but although I love her, the relationship is not the same as with Arlie).  

[Cookie]

On 8/17/2017 at 8:51 PM, Marg M said:

Cookie, my neighbor still has his wife.  He cannot get around much without his scooter, he is a very large man, not really fat, but anytime anyone asks him how he is doing, the only word he can ever say, and does not wait around for conversation.  He only knows one word, "TERRIBLE.

He does not want to talk about it so I only say "hello"  His little wife has serious heart trouble, but sometimes I think she calls the ambulance to get away.  Words are all loud and although no cursing, I cannot imagine our golden years so miserable.

Boy, that sounds rough.  He still has his wife....you can't help but feel, of if I only had my husband/wife, I would be so grateful and seemingly happy no matter what, but I know that his pain must be real for him.....

[Cookie]

On 8/18/2017 at 5:09 PM, Gwenivere said:

I know I do.  I never gave death and it's effects much thought in my life until I lost mother.  It resolved itself normally for the flow of nature. Then other deaths came (father, Steve's parents, a close friend of Steve's) and then pets.  We were hit hard by all of them but because we had each other, we got thru.  Being alone now having to deal with his loss and those i know are coming are so magnified.  I've never done this before.  None of it.  I also need to increase my antidepressant in hopes of stopping my panic attacks but I have no real back up.  An APRN that says let her know how I am doing, but no idea how to help if it gets really tough.  Another situation I would not be in had Steve not died.  The fear is in the being alone, on everything.  I don't know if I take life for granted as I don't feel I have one beyond being here.  Purpose has fled.  Feeling like I matter or someone matters to me to keep going on has fled.  Doesn't leave much so I do what have to and waste/fill time waiting.  Mostly waiting for it to end.  I truly wish I could see a way of it ending without me ending.  I guess I feel impatient for death to come to me and that is of itselfa very scary place to be.  I think one of my dogs sense it, the last one we had together.   I wonder if that will push me over the edge as she is almost 12.  I've never had to lose a kid alone.

its like you said in another post, Kay......how did I get here?  I know the history of how, but I never foresaw this.  No one does.  But I still ask.  That is futile too.  My whole personality has changed.  I used to be happy.  Where did she go?

Gwen:  I can relate to so much that you say....a friend of mine has recommended CBD oil, saying it helps with depression and anxiety.  Now, this does not have THC in it, only trace and is legal.  I think I'd like to try it.  Does anyone here know anything about it or taken it?  I don't know if you're like me, always looking for anything that will help.  Fondly, Cookie

[Gwenivere]

My cousin swears by it for pain.  A woman I know uses it for stress, not depression.  It's been recommended to ma many times but I haven't had the motivation to go into a pot shop yet.  Guess it's a little fear of being  around all the 'happy'  people looking to get high (legal here in Washington) and I never liked that stuff.  I might look into mail order.  

[kevin]

The Oil has great results for pain relief, appetite, alternative Cancer treatments, and stress......I'm growing some next year when its legal to produce my own oil....for my Joint (osteo) issues.......I'm open to try anything within reason ........

 

[Margm]

1 hour ago, Cookie said:

 My whole personality has changed.  I used to be happy.  Where did she go?

I think the quote is from Gwen actually, but when they left us they took part of us with them.  On my part, it is hard for me to feel love.  I feel worry, so maybe that is akin to love.  When you say "I am you and you are me" enough, the "am" becomes "was" and the "are" becomes "were."  Something/someone gets lost in its translation.

[Eagle-96]

15 hours ago, Marg M said:

I think the quote is from Gwen actually, but when they left us they took part of us with them.  On my part, it is hard for me to feel love.  I feel worry, so maybe that is akin to love.  When you say "I am you and you are me" enough, the "am" becomes "was" and the "are" becomes "were."  Something/someone gets lost in its translation.

The "us" turning into "I". The "we" becoming "me". It's odd how just a change in pronouns can alter our perception of everything. I still catch myself often when referring to "our" house or what "we" like. It's a stark reminder of my new reality. A slap in the face to jolt me back to the present. I'm going to a friends birthday dinner tomorrow and, yep you guessed it, there will be an odd seating number. It will be four couples and me. Strange how an odd number spoken to a hostess can make you feel so lonely. 

[kayc]

19 hours ago, Cookie said:

Does anyone here know anything about it or taken it? 

We had a discussion about this the other day at the senior site.  There is a lady that swears by it.  I say, anything that helps one with their pain or nausea, go for it.

[Margm]

I will never forget breaking down in J.C. Penney's, in front of the clerk, and I was inconsolable.  I had bought a purse with our (our) first retirement check, and he was not here for me to show it to.  It is big enough that I have his compartment.  Everything they sent home from the hospital is in that compartment.  His socks.  Even his billfold with $1 in it.  I felt so guilty that I only let him carry $1.  He always depended on me to buy it if it was bought, except his Copenhagen.  He would buy a six pack at a time (or 5, I don't remember), but this one was never opened, he had quit wanting it and then had no need for it.  First thing I got rid of.  

I know this is off subject.  This damn PC makes me change my password every time I go into anything.  A friend gave me hers until I get my new one.