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13 hours ago, TomPB said:

Ohh so sorry.

I was doing OK till - you won't believe this. I had totally forgot that my nieces and nephews play a game in which they predict who will die in the next year, celebs, pols etc., and score their guesses from last year. Imagine me listening to them laughing about who died last year. Had to leave the group. The world has become one big minefield.

Wow.  I can't imagine.  :(

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Kay, the kids were over my place.  I just couldn’t participate. My heart wasn’t in it.  I tried to smile for Caleb and Ryan.  But it didn’t happen much.  Grampy let them down.  

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Butch, for what it's worth, I don't think it's your responsibility to hide your feelings from your kids and grandkids. And if anyone knows how you must be feeling, I'm sure it's your family, because they are in mourning too. Surely they don't expect you to be the model for giving thanks and making merry, and I highly doubt that they feel "let down" by you. Holidays are some of the most difficult for us to get through when we are in the clutches of grief. And unlike us grownups, children have the natural ability to move in and out of their grief: terribly sad one moment and playing and laughing the next. Adults have to work much harder than that to take a break from the pain. 

See Holiday Break: A Lesson from The Animals 

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Here’s one part of my heart.  He’s looking a lot like Gracie and she should be here.  731325DB-A6E8-45BF-A9E7-6355A173A105.thumb.jpeg.66531ce86dd32185af4063e088da15d3.jpeg

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I just have this dull sadness for Thanksgiving that has just fallen to depression, crying....it will pass and cycle around again, though.  Had some nice company for the meal but being alone again after is such a hard part of this.  As an observer of myself, I'm always amazed at how normal I can seem on the outside when inside I'm dying it feels.  Is that the "fake til you make it" thing?  I really hate the holidays this year more than ever, 2 1/2 years later....I have the sweetest pup to walk, though...Olive the poodle, cream, and looks a lot like the brother she and I lost this April.  I am grateful for her....

IMG_0015.JPG

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Cookie,

Adorable poodle, Oliver!  My Arlie is the world to me.  Not the greatest picture, but I just snapped this of him a couple of days ago.

Xmas 2017.JPG

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On ‎11‎/‎25‎/‎2017 at 7:32 AM, kayc said:

Cookie,

Adorable poodle, Oliver!  My Arlie is the world to me.  Not the greatest picture, but I just snapped this of him a couple of days ago.

Xmas 2017.JPG

Oh, he looks like a real sweetie....thanks for sharing

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Great pic of Arlie and your tree, Kay.  How you found the energy is something I am missing.  

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