Ex moved on so fast after his mom

[Tiffany t]

I hope I could find some piece of mind on here. I have was with my ex for 3 years. His mom had stage four colon cancer. I was with him through his mom whole time of having cancer. We had so many ups and downs. She just recently died three months ago in August and we broke up in July but still have remained in contact. He not only was my boyfriend but my best friend. In October I was at the Las Vegas shooting at route 91 and he was the person I called when I thought I wasn’t going to make it home. Until recently meaning like days ago, we cut off all contact because a girl he met at a party reached out to him in interest and he had been already talking to her for a week while still talking to me, when he knew I had feelings for him. But I was respecting his boundaries because him just loosing his mom. Now he wants nothing to do with me because he said he likes talking to this new girl because she’s more cool, laid back and interesting and he likes their conversations. He’s said he doesn’t see it being serious and there’s already things about her he doesn’t see it going anywhere but how could he even choose talking to her over us being there for eachother? That makes me feel like he has feelings for her! Even though he told me the day before they started talking he told me he misses me and wish we could be together if it  wasn’t such rough times. Like what the heck!! The time we both need eachother most he just clings to some new girl? Why? Is it to mask the pain of his mom? Is it because he really likes her so fast? Is it because she is everything he has been looking for? I feel I did everything wrong in his time with his mom and after. And why leave now? I was with him through everything. Not this girl. How could his feelings change over night? Is he gonna end up with this girl or is she just some filler for his grieving? I don’t want to sound horrible but I feel horrible. He should be with family and people that care about him. I care about him and he clings to some girl that knows nothing about him!

[kayc]

I'm sorry your heart is broken.  From what little you've said here, I can't tell if his breakup and moving on was from death of his mom or because things weren't as he wanted between you.  You said you had many ups and downs and he likes someone more laid back, etc.  You say you feel you did everything wrong in his time with his mom and after.  ???  

You say he should be with his family and people that care about him.  Not everyone grieves the same and we can get rid of "should" in reference with grieving.  He may be distracting himself from his grief.  That can work for a time but ignoring grief doesn't work, it's still staring at us in the end.

I can't know what his attraction to this other person is, the only one who knows that is him.

Right now is a good time to spend working on YOU and spending time with your family and friends, taking classes, going to gym, hobbies, etc.  Try to focus on you rather than him.  In time you may feel the same way about him but you may not.  Give yourself time to heal, you'll know more how you feel in a few months.  I wish you the best, I know how hard and painful this is.  I'm also sorry you were in Las Vegas when the shootings happened.  I hope you've seen a counselor about that, that's very traumatic.

 

[Tiffany t]

Thank you for your kind words. Yes he described her as she is everything I’m not and couldn’t give Gina nd everything I’ve read they try and look for that in someone as a fix. And feeling what I did wrong with him and after I just fed why would he choose someone that knows nothing about him. He said he hasn’t and probably won’t tell this new person about his mom. I don’t know like you said I think it’s time I move on and heal. It just hurts for him to say he feels something for me one day and move to someone the next so quickly and I have to keep in mind not everyone is the same and I don’t if it is from us or his mom because at the end we were drifting apart but I just wish he never said he had feelings for me the last day he talked to me. I just don’t want to fee like this worthless person anymore that’s I’m feeing...  

[kayc]

Oh Hon, my heart just broke for you when I read that you feel like a worthless person.  NO ONE should have to feel that way!  And personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone that had that affect on me.  He's not getting real with her, he's trying to avoid reality, using her for a distraction, but be that as it may, it has nothing to do with yours and his relationship.  That in itself doesn't seem worthy of wanting to fight for, not if it leaves you feeling "less than".  I really hope for your sake that you will consider what is in YOUR best interest.  You are a valuable worthwhile being and I wish you the best in finding the person that will make you feel incredible!  I have had six major relationships in my life (four marriages plus two engagements) and NONE of them loved me like I needed to be loved except for one...and that was my sweet husband that passed away.  My hope would be for everyone to experience that once in their lifetime because if they do, they will know true love and how blessed they are to have found it. 

I agree that he gave you some mixed feelings, I've been through that too, I had to learn to ignore what was said and act on what I was seeing displayed, protect myself from the emotional yo-yo by steeling myself from being yanked around emotionally and doing what I knew deep inside was right for me.  That allowed me to heal and move on from it.  

[Tiffany t]

Wow thank you for saying all of that! That made me feel amazing and set me up for an amazing awesome day! You are a true blessing! Thank you 🙏🏻♥️