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Polly

Just when I thought things were getting better....

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Here is an update with what is going on. 

I started dating Bill again before Christmas. We would go out but he wasn't spending the night here. That was just too much for my daughter that is still living here. Things seemed to be going ok. Then at the end of February, I broke up with him again. I just felt like I needed some space. I was feeling smothered. I just felt like maybe I needed some time to myself. We really didn't even talk for about a month. Last week I did call him. We talked for about 2 hours. I told him that I still wanted to be friends but I couldn't promise him anything else. You see, we have a lot in common. We like the same things. We talk to each other about everything. He told me that he would rather be friends that not have me in his life. That really meant a lot to me. 

These past few months have been good with me and my girls. My youngest has actually been talking to me about things. She even shocked me a few weeks ago when she asked me if I had talked to Bill. I was honest with her and told her that I had only texted with him at that time. I told her that we were still friends and that for now that is all it's going to be with him. 

So my youngest only has a little over 2 months until she graduates from high school. I have a big trip planned for her and I in June. I'm taking to her to Disney as her graduation present. We are going to drive there. It's about a 17 hour drive. We are going to spend 6 nights on property and do each park plus the water parks. Then we are going to spend 2 nights at the beach before heading home. I think this will be a trip for good memories for us. I'm excited about this. I'm sure Richard would be so proud. 

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The biggest consideration is YOUR ultimate happiness, and as long as you are in tune with what you want and giving everything time to process, you are on the right track.  I'm glad you have this upcoming trip to look forward to and that things are going well!

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thanks Kay. 

I had a really tough weekend. Lots of tears. Lots of thinking. A lot of alone time. It got really bad on Easter. I worked 6am-3pm and came home to an empty house. My daughter went with her boyfriend to his aunts house. After a couple of hours of crying I realized that I wasn't just upset that Richard wasn't here. I was also really missing and needing Bill. Yes, he drives me crazy at times, but he has the kindest heart just like Richard. He would do anything for me, just like Richard. He would never intentionally hurt me or cheat on me, just like Richard. How can I not let him in my life? So on Monday, it was his birthday. I called him to wish him a Happy Birthday. I asked him if he would meet me at the bowling alley. We used to go bowling at least a week on nights that it was $1 a game. He said yes. It felt right and we had a really good time. I told him that we had to take things slow. My head is really messed up with all of this but we are so good for each other. He totally understands because he lost his girlfriend of 20 years. 

Yes, I'm really excited about this trip. I was so hesitant about doing it but my best friend convinced me that I should just do it. This will probably be our last vacation together so going to do it good. She is already talking about moving out on her own. I'm sure she will because she is my mini-me. I left home a couple weeks after I graduated. 

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Polly,

Your daughter will understandably go create a life for herself and you will be left alone to figure out what you want.  Taking it slow is always good, but it sounds like you've found someone that cares for you and may be right for you, just give it time to figure it out.  It doesn't all have to be either/or, you don't have to cut him entirely out of your life, you can be friends and take your time figuring out if you want more than that.  But this is your decision, not your daughter's, just as her choices will be hers and not yours.  

I hope you have a good time with your daughter, you're right, it could be your last trip...but it may not be either.  I wish you well, I really do.

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Exactly what I was thinking. I can't cut him out of my life. I thought I could and thought I was ok with it. I was wrong. Being friends and taking things slow seems the best for now. Oh and as far as my daughter. I think she is growing up. She has been more understanding. Before Bill and I broke up the last time, she was trying to be nice to him. 

 

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It's hard for a child to see their parent with someone other than their parent at first.  Plus they look at you as an appendage of them, everything is in accordance with how it affects them, it's all about them.  As they grow up and mature, they begin to see their parent as a person unique and separate from themselves, and that's when they begin to consider their parent's feelings and life.  It sounds like your daughter is doing that now.  :)

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