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Just so sad today . I miss my jordan so much . He was my everything. My best friend and my partner. I miss him so much I don’t even want to get out of bed . I’m trying my best but I can’t see my future without him. I know holidays will be hard so I’m hoping it will pass . 

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Hello,

I'm very sorry, we are here to support you and we understand your feelings. There is no judgment. It's ok to miss your beloved one and be sad. Sometimes the more you try the less you achieve, sometimes it's ok to say "enough"  and let be what it is in the moment. Some days it's too much, others will be lighter. 

 

 

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Hi Tony ~ I'm so sorry that you're in so much pain today. I am reminded of one of our dearest members, John Davis, known here as Dusky, who joined us in 2005 and was active on our site for seven years. John lost his beloved partner Jack to an aggressive brain tumor, and subsequently published a book about him entitled Finding My Banana Bread Man: A Journey Through Mourning. Our own Grief Bibliography page began as a post that was started by him and is still growing. 

You can learn more about John and his grief experience in this YouTube video:

 

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4 hours ago, TONY said:

I don’t even want to get out of bed

Tony, we all take this the same, yet we are all different also.  Where you just don't want to get out of bed, I at first would reach over for Billy and then I told his pillow "I know you are not here and you are never coming back."  Then I got up.  My friend who had just lost her husband a few months before really fussed at me.  She told me to turn to his side of the bed and let him know that he would always be with me.  Somehow, after doing this I felt better.  But now, and I hate numbers, but it has been two years and just over a month.  I say that as soon as I wake up I jump out of bed, I do not linger even a luxurious moment, because then the memories flood in.  I have to figuratively say I "jump" out of bed, but at 75, I more than a little sorta slide out of bed usually gingerly.  But, I still do not look to his side of the bed.  I just try to get that moment over with as fast as I can.  I also try to go to sleep almost instantly, usually a Xanax and my blood pressure med will put me out 30 minutes after a little reading.  No deep thinking on my part, just unconsciousness.  I usually have dream amnesia, but he has visited me in my dreams and I can remember thinking in my dream "I'm going to remember this."  But I don't.  I just know he was there for a moment in time. Keep reading.  we speak the language of grief.  (I am going to add a sentence to that.  We speak the language of grief, but we are all trying to mix that language in with something maybe 4th cousin of hope, 2nd cousin of peace. )

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19 hours ago, MartyT said:

Hi Tony ~ I'm so sorry that you're in so much pain today. I am reminded of one of our dearest members, John Davis, known here as Dusky, who joined us in 2005 and was active on our site for seven years. John lost his beloved partner Jack to an aggressive brain tumor, and subsequently published a book about him entitled Finding My Banana Bread Man: A Journey Through Mourning. Our own Grief Bibliography page began as a post that was started by him and is still growing. 

You can learn more about John and his grief experience in this YouTube video:

 

OMG, talk about a voice from the past!  I really liked Dusky (John), what a fabulous person!  Miss him on here, we always learned a lot from him.

Tony, I'm sorry you're feeling so sad.  I agree with Ana here 
 

20 hours ago, scba said:

It's ok to miss your beloved one and be sad. Sometimes the more you try the less you achieve, sometimes it's ok to say "enough"  and let be what it is in the moment.

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