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Crossmateo

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My neighbor and very close friend is dying of cancer. She was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer in the beginning of summer. She went through a rigorous routine of chemo and radiation. She was so strong and positive and faught like a warrior. Her scans after treatment showed the cancer was gone in october. A total miracle. However it returned by november. She again started chemo but wasnt nearly as positive. Just last week the doctor told her there is nothing more they can do that it spread too far and its time to look into hospice. Since receiving this news, I have only spoke to her once. I feel like she is avoiding me because she doesnt want me to see her like this. I just want to be there for her until the end. I hope I get my chance to say goodbye

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Crossmateo,

That is really a hard situation.  Who is taking care of her?  You might speak with them and ask if there's any particular food that she likes and can tolerate, and then bring some over to her.  Maybe enclose a note/card with it.  Tell her you'd like to see and talk with her and to please call you if there's a time she feels up to it.  Beyond that, not much you can do.

I lost a long time friend to cancer last year, hers was very aggressive and went super fast.  She lived clear across the state and I never got to see her one last time, but we did email.  I know it leaves a hole in our hearts to lose someone we care for so much.  I'm so sorry.

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I don't know your friend, but my guess is that she may be feeling so depleted and broken on the inside and is vacillating on how to stay afloat. Chemo and radiation are enemies to the human body, and along with the cancer, she may have lost her momentum to fight the fight. 

If you are concerned, send her notes everyday. "Talk" to her through written words and express your love to her that way. I know it's not the kind of communication you desire to have, but your words will still reach the part of her heart enough for her to know your genuine care and concern. 

Do you feel the freedom to ask her how you can be helping the most? Can you sit with her and read? Play music? Hold her hand? Give her foot rubs? Prepare food? Clean her house? Maybe you can include this in one of the notes you send her and include your phone number. 

She is in such a low place right now and may be uncertain of what to do. I am sure your presence and concern speaks volumes to her. It's just a matter of finding out the "when" and "how often".  She is facing a giant and needs to figure out how to navigate through the turmoil.  

Pray for her everyday. Pray and ask God to lead you and guide you on what to do. You seem like a sensitive and caring person and you want to reach out in any way you can. Keep sending her messages. Your love for her will be a comfort. 

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I did send a letter to her yesterday. I am willing to do anything she needs. I just really hope she reaches out to me and lets me be there like I have been all along. Thank you so much for your input

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Dear Crossmateo,

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I went through something similar with a very close friend 25 yrs ago.  I still think of her.  I still miss her.  I was young at the time so I had never experienced going through anything like this.  I wasn't mature.  I made mistakes which I still regret.  It was very hard facing loosing my friend in my 20's.  If I could do things differently now, I would just show up every day so she knew I was there whether she refused to see me or not.  At least she'd know I was there.  I do agree with lovinglady04 about writing notes daily though.  Say everything you want to say.  I'm so sorry for you.

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