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I’ve gone through a very tough time as of recently.  I’m home and having a tough time as we speak.  I want to bare my soul yet there are absolutely no words.  😢💔

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Butch I am so worried for you.  Being strong for everyone for so long was much harder on you than you may have thought.

I am cheering for you!  Let yourself be cared for.  You are a fantastic person and you deserve the best.

Sisterly hugs for you. ❤️

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Butch,. I know you are going through a very hard time, now.  I have no words that will help.  I just want you to know that I am thinking and praying for you.  I know that you know we are all here for you.  The things we all want are not possible to have.  So glad you have your wonderful family to support you.  Gin

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Sometimes there are not words, only someone willing to sit with you through the dark night of the soul...your family is there for you, we are beside you across cyberspace, listening, caring...

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11 hours ago, kayc said:

we are beside you across cyberspace, listening, caring...

There are no words anyhow Butch.  In my case, it took someone needing me.  I don't know your son Allen, but him sharing your condition with us shows how much he cares for you.  I cannot imagine the pain you have to go through, but I know you have a little family that do not want to lose you.  I didn't think I had a reason to live and then my granddaughter moved in with me.  My sister, daughter and son depend on me.  Our time will come in time, but your little family has lost too much.  Somehow, being needed was something I begrudged at first, but now I see a reason to stay until I have to leave.  You have lost so much, but you still have those that don't need to lose you.  

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I received this news from Allen this morning, about his father, Butch:
 

This is one of the hardest things to type and send.  My Dad was not answering my calls or texts from last night all night to early This morning.  He ALWAYS answers the first time day or night.  So I went to check on him at 6am as I had a bad feeling.  I found him unresponsive with a gunshot wound to his head and a gun in his hand.  I said to myself “damn him”.   Somehow I wasn’t surprised. 
I didn’t know there was a firearm in the Home.  The police confirm it was a suicide very quickly.  He was pronounced dead at 6:30am.  Oh my heart.  I’m trying to let everyone know right now.  Katie is in shock too.  We have to still tell Caleb.  Not sure how.  I wanted to tell you sweet ladies as I know how much you cared for my Dad and he you.  I’m sorry I have to tell you this.  I have so many more people to notify.  I feel like I have no time to breathe or think myself.  Dad was in so much pain after the babies and Noah’s and Gracie’s losses.  He was not even over my Mom’s passing.  He just wanted to be with them all now I guess.  I hope it wasn’t my fault.  
I’m sorry to have to send this.  I can’t right now share on the forum.  I don’t know how to do that.  And I won’t ask you to.  It’s my job.  I will have to find the courage.  But there are so many people I have to call, email, and notify.  But first we need to talk to Caleb.  Please pray for us in having to tell him. 
 
Allen
 
If one of you want to just share my email to you on the forum that would be okay.  I will get there when I can. 
Allen
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Allen,

You definitely have our prayers, I've notified my prayer chain already and will have my friends/family praying.  There is no way this is your fault, you have been the best son in the world, such a wonderful family, you've all just been hit with way more tragedy than anyone should have to deal with.  I pray your family draws all the closer through this, my thoughts are especially with Caleb.  Your dad loved his grandkids so much, he was just unable to handle it all.  He never got the chance to process Mary's death, the hits kept coming.  I am sorry for the pain you and your family are in.  You may not be able to breathe for a while, so much to do at first, I know, and you're all undoubtedly in shock, time will come later to deal with it.  Just know we surround you with caring thoughts and prayers.

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I am so terribly sorry to read this ~ but I thank you, Kay, for sharing with us your heartfelt correspondence with Allen. My heart breaks for Allen and his family, and for all the members of our own family here in our forums who've come to know and love them all. It goes without saying that we carry them in our hearts and prayers ~ and may flights of angels carry our brother Butch to his eternal rest and peace.

I offer the following information to Allen's family and to those of us who may be in need of it:

Grief Support for Survivors of Suicide 

Explaining Suicide to A Child

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Allen I'm so sorry for all the loss you have suffered. 

My husband took his own life 2 years ago and I know how devastating this kind of loss can be.  I'm not saying it is worse I'm saying it is different.  Please know you are not the reason.  Your father did the best he could for as long as he could.  I am so very sorry.

Peace be with you.  ❤️ Big Sister type hugs to you.

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Allen,. So very sorry to hear about your dad.  My prayers are for  your whole family.  I know how terribly upset he was over all the losses he suffered.  He hung on the best he could.

 

 

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I know this seems impossible, but I have no words. 

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Neither do I.  I just received a private email from him 12 hours ago with some advice.  This is a very dark day.

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 I can't believe Butch is gone. 

Peace be with him being together with his beloved wife and grandchildren. 

 

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Thank you all.  This is Katie, his DIL.  Allen wanted to come here but he’s having a bad time and our son Caleb is being very clingy and upset.  Gwenivere, can you share what my FIL said?  

Katie

 

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Thank all of you for supporting my Dad and being a friend.  I know it meant a lot to him.  

I’m very sorry to have to tell you he’s gone. But I want to stress to everyone that ITS NOT YOUR FAULT IN ANY WAY.  

Allen. 

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Oh Allen, I wish we could have made a difference, any of us, all of us, I think we did for the meanwhile, but he couldn't see past his pain.  Know you are a wonderful family, no one is better.

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Allen and Katie,

I'm so sad to read this. I'm actually crying and anyone that knows me knows that I rarely cry. Butch was such a sweet man. 

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Allen and Katie,  Butch loved his family so much.  Hard to believe he is gone.  Your family are in my prayers.

Gin

 

 

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Allen and Katie,

I am so, so sorry. Your father loved each of you so much. Wishing peace for all of you.

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We loved your whole family Allen and Katie and there are simply no words that will help.  We will keep you in our prayers.  We will miss Butch so much, and thank you so much for including us in your family.  

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Dearest @A&K,

Your family will always be in my heart and in my prayers.  I feel I have come to know you all in some small ways.  Please take the time,and any good help that is offered, to care for yourselves.  If you can find a group for suicide survivors I hope you will explore it.  I am sorry that your family has this tragedy to work through.

Sending you sisterly hugs from far away and hoping you can feel the love so many of us here have for you all.

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Allen and Katie,

Words cannot express what I feel right now, but please know your family is in my heart, and the hearts of the rest of us here.

Dave

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