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Thank you all for your prayers and love.  It helps that so many loved my Dad.  

Allen

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Allen and Katie,

Please know you are in our thoughts.  I am truly saddened by this news.  So much to deal with in such a short amount of time.

Brad

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Allen and K,

i contacted your father to ask (only if he felt up to talking about it) if the hospital stay helped him as I am having trouble handling the sadness.   This is what he sent me Sunday evening.......I hope it helps you in some way to know how much he loved his family.  That he took the time to write this is very touching to me and shows what a loving man he was.

********************************

Hi Gwen

youre not out of line asking me.  You may ask anything. The hospital had groups that helped with my way of thinking.  And that things aren’t my fault.  I learned my feelings are not my fault.  

I would say try to not think of it with fear.  If you feel unsafe a hospital stay may be needed to work on you for you and only you.  

It helped me not to feel responsible for my Mary’s death nor my grandchildren’s.  

If you decide to go inpatient I pray it helps.  If you need a safe place for a little while there’s no shame in it.  

Hugs

Butch

 

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Thank you for sharing this, Gwen. I hope its message will give Katie and Allen some peace ~ and I hope you will take Butch's wise words to be the gift of hope that he intended to give to you 

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Gwen,

thanks for sharing.  My FIL meant his words in his own way.  I pray that his trying to help you will resonate with you.  I’m sure he was trying to help.  

Katie

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We’re so very sorry that my Dad left so many selfless loving friends here on this forum.  Each of you... we are so sorry for your loss in this.  

Allen and Katie 💗

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Praying... Shalom

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21 hours ago, A&K said:

We’re so very sorry that my Dad left so many selfless loving friends here on this forum.  Each of you... we are so sorry for your loss in this.  

Allen and Katie 💗

Your dad didn't choose to leave us, he chose to end his pain...and in so doing, he did leave us.  But that wasn't his intent, to walk away from any of us, he just plain hurt too much.  He didn't see options even though people tried to help him.  Like he got tunnel vision or something.  You tried.  The therapists tried, many of us tried, but all he saw and heard was his pain and his longing for his wife and grandchildren gone before him.  It's unfortunate that the ones paying the price are you and your children who are now deprived of having him in their lives.  Our hearts are with you.  To lose someone is hard enough, but to lose someone this way is so much more difficult.  Any other way and we can rail at the powers that be, but this way and we rail at the one who left.  But really, the enemy seems to be that overwhelming pain isn't it.

I'm reminded again how important it is to do one day at a time so grief doesn't overwhelm us and bury us in anxiety.  So important to stay in this present moment so we don't miss what IS in our longing for what ISN'T.

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Allen and Katie, you have been part of this "family" ever since Butch made you part of it, and we are still here.  I know we cannot heal all of your losses, but we are still here and Marty always has articles that we can gain some help from.  I have quoted Rose Kennedy so much, but she lost so much and many, and I understood her saying the wound will never heal, but in time you develop scar tissue........and that can be ripped off too.  I have no answers except we care for your family deeply.

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Allen and Katie,

Thanks so much for sharing those adorable pictures.  And thanks for keeping in touch.  

Gin

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Allen and Katie, thank you so much.  Nothing makes me smile more than a baby's picture.  This handsome young lad shows happiness in each picture.  We think of you all often.  

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He does look a lot like Gracie, you can tell they're related!  Children are a blessing, what joy he must bring you!

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@A&KMKKMKKMKKMKKMKKMKMKKMKKMKMKKMKKMKKMKKMKKMKMKKMK

I'm sorry about the error above, I can't seem to correct it.

Your little fellow is so sweet looking. 🙏❤️ You all are in my prayers and in my heart.

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Maybe it's Morse Kode.  :)

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10 hours ago, kayc said:

Maybe it's Morse Kode.  :)

That is a clever response, Kayc. 

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Allen and I just read all the comments in reply to his Dad’s passing.  Thank you all again.  We don’t even remember reading them earlier.  Grief is high.  Memory is hard and not as strong as the grief.  

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A&K, the memory, in my case still wavers more now than ever, although I cannot even remember moving these 175 miles.  Just cannot remember it.  I wish fate would be so kind that other things I cannot remember.  And, I hope that the both of you can help each other heal from this past two years.  My heart is with you, and I wish that it would help, but no words help.  

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May I ask that everyone say a prayer or light a candle or do whatever it is you believe in... for our Caleb.  He is inconsolable and hysterically emotional.  Allen has been laying with him for a few hours.  It’s past 11 and he’s not settling down.  We are thinking of taking him to the ER if he doesn’t settle and stop hysterically sobbing.  He just wants his Grammy Mary and Grampy Butch.  He’s nine and we are not sure if this is “normal”.   Our hearts are breaking with his.  

Katie

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I don't know Katie.  I lost my "Daddy Wise" when I was 12 and I know I cried a lot, but this child has lost his brother and sister also so the depths of grief on him has to be heavy.  I was in the 4th grade when my best friend had an aneurysm and passed out and passed away in the hospital.  My mom had to keep me home from school, I had throwing up spells and back in those days they did not know what grief counselors were in schools.  I cannot advise, I am not qualified, but you and your husband are.  And Marty is.  My heart and prayers are with you and your husband and your little family.  I know everyone on this forum wishes they could all wrap their arms around your whole family and just hold you, but even that would not help anyone but us.  My mother used to say she wished she could build a fence around each one of us, and it was just me and my sister.  No words help.  Time will not heal, but maybe one day your many wounds can develop scar tissue to take away some of the pain.  To make it softer, to help little Caleb, his mama and daddy and new brother.  All I have are words and they do not help.  

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y computer is usually off at night but I got your message this morning, I will pray for him at night.  As far as "normal" goes, I wouldn't think it abnormal when he's gone through so much loss, I don't know of another child who has been through so much.  Maybe there could be something the doctors could give to help calm him?  I don't know, but it might be worth calling in to them.

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Your entire family is in our prayers, Katie. The best way you can take care of Caleb's grief is to take care of your own grief first ~ and I know that both you and Allen are doing the best you can with that. Your counselors know you well, and they will guide you, too. In addition, there are dozens of useful resources available to you for helping a child with grief; I've gathered many of them here: Children, Teens & Grief 

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