Tough Day today

[Kate2]

My mom is dying today.  Been on high doses of morphine but she is still not letting go.  I was with her 24 hours and came home to try to sleep.  My brother and sister are with her now.  She was my best friend, and I, hers.  I took care of her for many years now.  But I feel tremendous guilt as this past year she has been in a nursing home.  I would see her 3 or 4 times a week, but it wasn’t enough.  She lost the will to go on.  I feel so guilty I did not have her in my house.  

And I can’t bear being away from her right now while I try to sleep.  I held her hand all night last night and kept telling her I loved her.   My dad died 24 years ago.  

I feel so alone. She was the best woman in the world. 

[kayc]

Ah Hon, I know how that is, I lost my mom 3 1/2 years ago.  She had Dementia Stage 4 and Leukemia, we had to put her in dementia care but it was the best place for her, they were wonderful.  We sold her house to pay for it and it took all but about $1000-$2000 of it.  Very expensive but worthwhile, she needed someone there 24/7 and they wanted 2 people to move her so I couldn't have had her in my home, plus I was still having to work.  One person can't do it, you need relief people to sleep, get groceries, etc.

Just because your mom lost the will to go on does not mean you failed her in any way, it is just her time and she realizes it.  It's probably harder on you than anything.  My mom went through being widowed 32 years, she made her kids her life.

It's hard not being able to call or go see my mom, but I wouldn't want her to suffer any more just so I could still have her here.  I wish you the best going through this, it's tough no matter what, but somehow we get through this.  (((hugs)))

[snflwrgrl]

My heart goes out to you. My mom died 5 years ago on January 25th and she was my best friend. :’( Like you, my dad died when I was young. I was 26. I can tell you loved your mom very much. You were with her as much as you could be and you took care of her for as long as you could. <3 I’m sure you have many wonderful memories of her. If your mom was anything like my mom, she would not want you to feel guilty for doing your best. Big hug! After my mom died, I went to GriefShare. There I met women who were going through the same emotions I was and some of them became lifelong friends. I received the support I needed there and I was given tools to start the healing process. I encourage you to find one in your area. They’re offered nationwide and it may help you too.  You are not alone!! I will be praying for you. I’m glad you reached out! 

[kayc]

When you are able, maybe you can give us an update...meanwhile, you're in our thoughts and prayers.