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Good Sunday Morning To Everyone

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I don't post here  as much as I used to. I still come here every now and then just to sort of see how everyone is doing.  I'm certainly not cured of this grief beast. I probably never will be. Until my turn comes to go be with her, I will have to be okay with continuing to love her in this absentee sort of way. I'm not exactly crazy about it, but I am so grateful that her misery and suffering ended that I guess I am okay with it. I had to let her go be with God on New Year's Day of 2016. I wasn't ready yet in 2016 or 2017 to make any new year's resolutions. But I guess I was ready to this year, and I am staying somewhat busy each day now doing my very best to make some things happen that I know my wife is pleased with seeing me doing.

I woke up this morning with "our" song on my mind and I've been sitting here listening to it and singing it to her. We all have that one special cherished song that was "our" song, don't we? I guess I have progressed somewhat down this grief journey. I can now listen to it without getting morbidly sad. Now when I listen to it, it brings back some of the good memories. I was very blessed. I was able to spend 41+ years with her before I had to give her up. So I do have a treasure trove of wonderful memories. I hope and pray that everyone that has to be here is able to get to that point where they can listen to their song and remember the good memories.   My song is "And I Love You So" by Perry Como. I'm not enough of a techie to be able to make it part of this post. But that isn't really necessary.  Just think of "your" song. That is the one that is important to you.

One foot in front of the other...

Darrel

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In Walmart today they were playing "Leaving on a jet plane" by John Denver.  I, of course, had tears running down my face, red nose and all.  

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22 hours ago, olemisfit said:

I will have to be okay with continuing to love her in this absentee sort of way.

That's it in a nutshell!  We learn to love them in an absentee sort of way.  It's different than it was when they were here, we can't hold each other, interact, bounce ideas off each other, I can't cook for him, he can't fix something for me, but we do continue loving each other, walking on faith, until we can be together again.

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4 hours ago, kayc said:

That's it in a nutshell!  We learn to love them in an absentee sort of way.  It's different than it was when they were here, we can't hold each other, interact, bounce ideas off each other, I can't cook for him, he can't fix something for me, but we do continue loving each other, walking on faith, until we can be together again.

You are so right. You hit the nail on the head! Knowing that one of these days my bride & I will be together again (for eternity this time!) is what keeps me somewhat sane now. It gives me something to hold onto and look forward to. If I didn't have that to hold onto "they" would've had to put me in the proverbial rubber room the day after my wife passed. I'm into my 3rd year without her now, and I still find myself not being able to use the word "die" or "dead".  Maybe it's just one last piece of denial. I don't know. But I still have trouble using those words.

One foot in front of the other...

Darrel

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Yep, the rubber room for sure!

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On 2/11/2018 at 6:40 PM, Marg M said:

In Walmart today they were playing "Leaving on a jet plane" by John Denver.  I, of course, had tears running down my face, red nose and all.  

I put that song into Susan's Memorial service, tho it was Peter Paul and Mary for us and it made me cry. Susan probably would have preferred "Puff the Magic Dragon".

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13 hours ago, TomPB said:

Susan probably would have preferred "Puff the Magic Dragon".

OMGosh Tom, I would surely cry at "Puff the Magic Dragon."  

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Beautiful song Darrel to pair with lovely memories... 

The book of life is brief 

How true - Glad to hear from you ...

Music is definitely one way to bring back a memory... send us back to a moment ... like the song Trisha Yearwood sang.. The ding remembers welll...

Hugs from Marie 

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Puff was about growing up and into the real world.  Little did we know the real world contained such pain as well as adventures.  We have no choice but to grow up, no turning back.  The times I get really down I think of those days when all was good.  Naive and innocent aren’t so bad at all compared to this 'grup' (grownup) world.  

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On ‎02‎/‎12‎/‎2018 at 2:17 PM, olemisfit said:

You are so right. You hit the nail on the head! Knowing that one of these days my bride & I will be together again (for eternity this time!) is what keeps me somewhat sane now. It gives me something to hold onto and look forward to. If I didn't have that to hold onto "they" would've had to put me in the proverbial rubber room the day after my wife passed. I'm into my 3rd year without her now, and I still find myself not being able to use the word "die" or "dead".  Maybe it's just one last piece of denial. I don't know. But I still have trouble using those words.

One foot in front of the other...

Darrel

Darrel:  Those words "die or dead" are strange.  When I say them in relationship to John or someone else does, it still seems surreal and I feel so distanced from it.  Can't seem to connect John to those words, and, yet, he is.....dead....I can say it but still can't believe it.....Cookie

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Darrel:  My song is "Thinking Out Loud" by Ed Sheeran:

Lyrics

 

When your legs don't work like they used to before
And I can't sweep you off of your feet
Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love
Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks

And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70
And baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23
And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe just the touch of a hand
Oh me I fall in love with you every single day
And I just wanna tell you I am

So honey now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud

 

A week before John died, we were watching a concert by Ed Sheeran on TV and when he sang this song, John reached out and took my hand and the love that passed between us was so strong.....after he died, I would hear it every time I got in the car and wondered???  I hope so.  It always makes me cry, though...Cookie  Hey, I'm not techie enough to post the video either.  Can someone tell me how?

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On ‎02‎/‎11‎/‎2018 at 11:05 AM, MartyT said:

 

Beautiful.....

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57 minutes ago, Cookie said:

Those words "die or dead" are strange

Because they are real.  I don't like "real."  I prefer "left" and the other night I looked at the moon and said "well, it has been ??? time since we broke up."  I don't like keeping up with time.  But it was unusual and I noticed it, I "saw" the flowers and the trees budding out for spring.  I even notice the fluorescent colors of the new leaves.  This is our third spring to be apart and sometimes I still cannot believe it, sometimes I think I hear him moving in the house, sometimes I wake up and think he is beside me.  One really new thing is I am having vivid dreams, nothing X-rated or anything like that and still cannot remember them but know when I am having them "hey, I am dreaming again" so the world changes, I change, and my knees are changing for the bad, and that is not good.  I remember Mama's legs went first.  

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Too frigging real, Marg.  I hate they are so much a part of my vocabulary now.  Even on forms...widow.  Never had that losing my parents.  That was 'natural'.  This is too, but so so different.  

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43 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

Too frigging real, Marg.  I hate they are so much a part of my vocabulary now.  Even on forms...widow.  Never had that losing my parents.  That was 'natural'.  This is too, but so so different.  

This will be my first time in 48 yrs filing Tax as "single". Dreading it. Even online check in to airline for me and not for me and Susan hurt. Yes, I grieved my parents intensely, but their loss didn't change my life like this.

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Even after almost 5 years, I still say "I lost Ron" or "I lost Debbie" which sounds a bit stupid, I guess. It's not like I misplaced them or will ever find them again. It just seems a little more gentle than "dead".

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18 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Too frigging real, Marg.  I hate they are so much a part of my vocabulary now.  Even on forms...widow.  Never had that losing my parents.  That was 'natural'.  This is too, but so so different.  

Gwen:  I have reacted strongly the that word "widow," but a strange thing happened to me at tax time.  I put widow for status and they returned it to me as "single."  When I saw that word, I really had a strong emotional reaction.  I said, I am not single; I didn't choose this; I didn't divorce from my husband; he was taken from me in the cruelest way; although, I don't like being a "widow," it rings more realistic than "single."  They said I only get two years as widow status, then have to be single; has to do with taxes and they can get more money from me as single.  Sometimes I have a hard time with this world we live in.....Cookie

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18 hours ago, MartyT said:

 

Thanks MartyT.....

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On ‎10‎.‎3‎.‎2018 at 2:44 AM, KarenK said:

Even after almost 5 years, I still say "I lost Ron" or "I lost Debbie" which sounds a bit stupid, I guess. It's not like I misplaced them or will ever find them again. It just seems a little more gentle than "dead".

It´s been 6 years and 4 months for me now and I never say the word "lost"...I´ve always said "died"...People around me use to mean "lost" with breaking up and of course,it´s not true...He will never be alive in this life again,but one day we will be together as one,so the death doesn´t mean anything final;it´s just a change-over for something eternal with no more tears,sadness and pain that we´re going through right now being without them at the moment...

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Hugs from Janka

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On 3/10/2018 at 12:46 PM, Cookie said:

..... a strange thing happened to me at tax time.  I put widow for status and they returned it to me as "single."  When I saw that word, I really had a strong emotional reaction.  I said, I am not single; I didn't choose this; I didn't divorce from my husband; he was taken from me in the cruelest way; although, I don't like being a "widow," it rings more realistic than "single."  They said I only get two years as widow status, then have to be single; has to do with taxes and they can get more money from me as single...  .....Cookie

Cookie, I had no idea. It seems to me once a widow or widower, always a widow or widower, unless one remarries, I suppose. The world plays cruel tricks on us sometimes.

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