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Sunni

Best friend

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I just lost my best friend of 50 years..

i am having such a hard time, don’t really want to be around others and am very depressed.. she had 2 nd colon cancer and could not remove this time.. it had been 7 yrs.. she fought so hard for the last year and 1/2 .. chemo and in & out of hosp constantly.. i stayed most nights @ hosp

with her and we did have our best friend talks but just don’t understand why she had to go thru such constant pain for no reason.. 

i miss her so much since we talked almost every night for 50 years!! Just lost and so lonely .. both our husbands had passed very early also..

i would appreciate any thoughts that would help me thru this terrible time.. I guess if it’s a friend people just don’t check on you or really think to care.. even her family doesn’t check on me but I do call them to see how they are.. 

ive lost so many of my family but this is one of the worst to deal with..

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@Sunni  I am so sorry for your loss.  Our society needs educated about grief, I'm afraid regardless of type of loss, people think you should be over it in a couple of weeks, they really have no clue how invasive grief is or that it is forever (but don't let that scare you, we do eventually adjust somewhat and grief doesn't stay in the same intensity, it evolves).  

I lost a good friend last year to cancer...she died very quickly, never got to retire (she was a schoolteacher), she had a sudden weight gain, went to the doctor to have it checked out, they discovered a tumor, they opened her up for surgery and discovered how it had spread and that it was very aggressive, and closed her back up...sent her home on hospice, two weeks later she was gone.

It's very hard.  We have history going back nearly forty years.  We have the same name, same interests, she had a daughter Mandy Kay and I have a daughter Melissa Kay, they were best friends until they were 11 and then Kay and her family moved across the state.  Phone calls and emails are not the same as popping in for a cup of coffee and a visit but better than nothing.  We had so much in common, I can relate to what you're saying.

Family assumes they are missing her the most so they aren't as likely to check on you or someone else as to expect others to do the checking on them.  Grief can be such a hard reality to live with, we often see our own pain as the greatest because to us...it is.  You are good to keep checking on them.  

You have found a good place to come to, here people get it, they understand, all of us here have been touched by grief.  It helps to express yourself and know you are heard, and this is a good place to do that.  

You will always miss your friend.  My sisters have also lost their best friends and would be the first to tell you that it doesn't stop at some certain time period.  I believe with all my heart that we will be together again, and looking towards that reunion day helps me greatly.  

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/07/in-grief-mourning-loss-of-friend.html

You wonder WHY she had to go through so much pain...I don't think there is an answer to that.  I don't think there's someone up in the sky being puppeteer, causing this and that to happen to us with great purpose and forethought...I do think life is rather random and some get hit hard and some not at all and I'd be danged if I've ever seen rhyme or reason to it.  I don't think it's about the thing that happens to us so much as what we do with it.  We can't always control what comes our way, only our response to it.  You have a friend that fought so hard to live...she valued her life and you were part of that.  

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