Friends and Moving Along

[TeresaAnne]

I had a person named Cheryl who took care of our Golden retriever Missy when we went on vacation about six months before Len passed away.  And Cheryl was there when Len went to the hospital and after he had passed away, helping me and being supportive, and began caring for Missy when I returned to work.   Cheryl's husband died six years ago and she told me, "I don't want anyone to go through what I did alone."  Over the months she told me all about her loss and that she had sold her home because a meth addict next door poisoned her dogs to make them sleep so he could get into her home.  Cheryl seemed high strung and anxious, but I figured she had done so much and was such a caring person.

About six months following Len's death, Cheryl began needing help with looking on the computer for information because she did not know how to or did not have Internet. This spread into her asking me for help going on the Internet to find rentals in San Diego so she could move close to her daughter who had had a baby.  Asking me to print out information and pictures of places, giving my email and phone number to the management at these places.  Her paranoia would not allow her to provide information to apply for housing and she mailed any deposits overnight. She would call me at work and rant about minor dramas, immigrants, the homeless, and call to talk in the evening about her life and the problems in the world and how messed up everyone and everything is. Her desire was to move to a place where there only white people.

She took a break in February from looking for a place in San Diego but last weekend asked me to go back on the Internet and look again and get information.  I told her that the Internet is not the best source if one is planning to move to a new town and that it's a good idea to make a trip or two to check things out.  When she came over this last Tuesday to walk Missy she left a nasty note and would not return my calls.  Not knowing if she would take care of Missy the next day, I got someone else to take over who is more sensible and appreciates that extra money, and takes very good care of Missy and there is no drama.

 I felt as if Cheryl had high jacked a time during the first year of losing Len and there were times when I honestly felt that this is what happened. During the worst times here was this person inserting her life issues and problems.  Have not spoken to Cheryl since then but I don't miss her. 

[kayc]

Wow, you are right, you did not need that.  She may be a very nice person but has a lot of problems and you have your hands full dealing with your own situation.  It's good you've figured all this out.

[TomPB]

TeresaAnne so sorry. To echo Kay, it sounds like your friend is a mix of positive and negative with the negative coming on stronger now and we definitely do NOT need that while grieving, even if she was helpful early on. My counselor says we have to be "ruthless" in taking care of ourselves and it sounds like you're doing that. Doesn't make it not hurt.