Nightmares

[Quiksand]

First and foremost I'd like to thank this website and the beautiful people here for this sacred work that you do: giving people who lost someone a hope for a better tomorrow. You helped me not lose myself after the loss of my mother, and I would probably be much worse if not for the words of kindness and advice that I've received here. Life is still dull and confusing, I haven't wrapped my heart around the loss and I'm still fighting the battle, but I'll get there.

This being said... I've been having these recurring nightmares, almost every day. Seeing as I try to push away the memories and thoughts of the event that lead to my loss, it seems that my brain tries to "catch up" in my sleep and... I keep dreaming of losing her. Sometimes it's her hospital bed, sometimes it's just knowing in my dream that she's dying and crying over it, sometimes it's seeing her healthy and alive, but knowing it won't last. Every day it's a bit different, but I wake up screaming and crying and... it's definitely taking a little toll on the rest of the day.

Have you been through a similar experience? Bluntly asking: Is there a way to stop these nightmares, or is it just a matter of time and acceptance?

[MartyT]

My dear, you may find this article helpful: Nightmares and Bad Dreams in Grief ♥

[Quiksand]

Thank you, Marty. This is exactly what I'm going through, albeit much sooner than 6 months. I believe I started having these dreams as soon as 1 month into the loss. I'll try and see if I could attempt to practice the techniques described in your article. Even thought I try to not think about what happened as much as I can... sooner or later I'll have to consciously accept it.

[MartyT]

1 hour ago, Quiksand said:

I try to not think about what happened as much as I can... sooner or later I'll have to consciously accept it.

Exactly, my friend. The effort you're exerting to keep from thinking about what happened might be better spent in facing the reality of it. I suspect this explains why your unconscious mind is doing its best to process your mother's death as you sleep and dream. Nature has a way of forcing us to accept reality, whether we want to face it or not. You might consider one or more of Belleruth Naperstek's recorded guided imagery CDs as a relatively inexpensive and convenient way of Getting Rid of Those Pesky Repeating Nightmares. Certainly worth a try ~ Don't you think? ♥

[MAH]

I also have a reoccurring dream. I lost my 14 year old son to Sudden Cardiac Arrest (with no warnings) 3 months ago.  My dream is driving down the road and lose control on a bridge.  I go over the barrier and as my car is plunging toward the water below I am trying to figure out how to get out of the car once it hits the water?  Any thoughts?

 

[MartyT]

I am not an expert in dream interpretation, my friend ~ but it doesn't take an expert to know that losing your 14-year-old son suddenly and unexpectedly this way must have been for you a most traumatic death, and your recurring dream suggests how trapped, confused and out of control you must feel in the wake of it. An event like this can shake you to the very core and turn your entire life upside down. You've been hit with a tsunami and I cannot imagine how devastated and lost you must feel. I hope you will look into some of the resources mentioned in the posts above ~ and I'd also encourage you to find a qualified grief therapist who specializes in trauma-related loss. To expect yourself to get through this without some sort of outside professional support is not realistic.

Are you familiar with The Compassionate Friends? If not I hope you will pay a visit to their site to read about the abundant resources available to you as a bereaved parent ~ and of course you are most welcome to be here with us (see our Loss of an Infant, Child or Grandchild forum) for all the information, comfort and support we can offer you ~ although I am so very sorry for the reason that brought you here. My heart reaches out to you in your pain. ♥️

[kayc]

11 hours ago, MAH said:

I also have a reoccurring dream. I lost my 14 year old son to Sudden Cardiac Arrest (with no warnings) 3 months ago.  My dream is driving down the road and lose control on a bridge.  I go over the barrier and as my car is plunging toward the water below I am trying to figure out how to get out of the car once it hits the water?  Any thoughts?

 

MAH, I'm so sorry for your loss, that must have been shocking!  We don't expect our children to precede us in death that way.  I'm sure it's left you feeling vulnerable about life as your dream seems to indicate.