Complicated Grief

[Artist]

My father died of a sudden heart attack 41 years ago. He died at home and I saw him taken away.  I was 12 at the time. I’ve never been able to fully grieve this loss. I’ve learned through therapy that my mother is emotionally neglectful and narcissistic. Emotions are difficult for me to name and express. My grief is further complicated by the loss of my first son at six weeks old,  born prematurely with a heart defect. I was blessed with three other sons. The unfortunate side to my life is that I am emotionally trapped in a 32 year marriage with an overt narcissist. I’m working on healing. It is a slow journey, but I’m glad to be here.

[kayc]

I am not qualified to help you but then you are already getting professional help.  You will find people here who are understanding and caring and I welcome you.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of child, that must be really hard.  I've lost three although they weren't born, I loved them and wanted them dearly.

And your father, it's never too late to grieve our losses.  Do you know why you haven't grieved him these past 41 years?  

[Artist]

Thank you for your kind words. I too also know how heart wrenching it is to lose a pregnancy.  As to why, I think that grieving with others who are emotionally unavailable somehow impede the process.  I’m still working through it to understand it.