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Been two and a half years


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I used to count the time in days.  Then months and now 1/2 years.  2 1/2.  It seems and feels as though it just happened.  In another way it seems like forever since I saw my dear Al's face, heard his voice and felt his arms around me.  Grief plays cruel tricks on us.  Messes with your mind.  I still have a long way to go to get to any kind of acceptance, if ever.  He was the best thing that ever happened to me.  His death was the worst.

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Gin, I hate how now time matters.  Every day, week, month we feel their loss again and again.  Sometimes I wonder if he was just some fantastic dream I had.  But dreams don’t last for years.  Time passed before they left, but it wasn’t noticed as we had someone we were trekking along with it.  I just had 3 years and 5 months.  I don’t want to know that but there is no escaping it even if we try.  As Mitch said elsewhere, it isn’t just that day they left, it’s every single day since.  Hugs to you.  💖

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Note:  Acceptance does not equate with his death being okay with you.  No one asked us if we wanted to lose them, we didn't get a say so.  I used to hate that word acceptance, but now I realize it just means I realize he's gone and I'm doing my best with my life as it is.  It definitely doesn't mean I like what happened.

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It's been over three years since my Tammy has been gone. I think my concept of time is out of whack because I can't fathom it's been that long. At this point, it seems like time (whether it's counted in hours, days, months or years) is just a continuous period of emptiness, longing for the past and loneliness. How we've survived to this point (in some ways) is kind of miraculous.

Hugs to you, Gin.

Mitch

 

 

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