1 Yr Memorial Today

[TomPB]

Moved up from 3/31 due to holiday conflicts. Ready for 20-25 people in our home, been setting out more pictures etc, putting things back after recent construction project, getting ready in lots of little ways that has been hard work! I think the place looks great. It is a "labor of love" all dedicated to my Treasure and I get a good feeling and then it hits me that I'm doing it because she's GONE and I have violent grief attacks. Two friends who couldn't come sent me things to read and no idea how I'll get through that. It really does feel like the Anniversary is now instead of 3/31 and Ive been more tired than I can ever remember but OK today. 

[MartyT]

We're all thinking of you today, dear Tom, and holding you close. Sending blessings of peace and healing to your broken heart ♥

[TomPB]

Thanks Marty. Now it's done and as good as could be. All but one who said they wd come did. Everyone said how wonderful and sweet and helpful Susan was, and how she loved me so much. An extremely diverse group with some remembering her from the 80s and some who didn't know her at all. Emily made Susan's chocolate chip cookies to perfection. Lots of love but also then the feeling of the hugeness of the loss and how I didn't fully appreciate what I had. I was often less aware of her wonderfulness than her friends & siblings were. That's the same double edged nature of every memory I have. 

So, very good. Now I have to live year 2 without my Susan. For some unexplicable reason this spectacular woman thought I was the greatest and worthy of her unconditional love. Makes no sense, but it's a fact. This Memorial was a labor of love for her but is also supposed to help me. Can I ever be content without her?

[MartyT]

7 hours ago, TomPB said:

For some unexplicable reason this spectacular woman thought I was the greatest and worthy of her unconditional love.

Your Susan saw you and knew you for the person you really are, dear Tom. Remember that. Celebrate it. Continue to be the person your beloved saw and knew you to be. I can think of no better way to honor her than that. ♥

[kayc]

15 hours ago, TomPB said:

Can I ever be content without her?

Not like you were when she was with you, of course, you'll get more used to living alone if that's what you mean.  But a part of us is missing and it affects us profoundly each and every day.  Anne posted a song in the Tools Section under Music That Soothes Me, and it hit me deeply.

[TomPB]

Thanks Marty and Kay. Susan saw most things very clearly, but I think she was delusional about me. I agree that passing on her love is what I'm called to do, even tho I don't see another point to the rest of my life. To end the day I went with a bereaved friend to hear Tristan and Isolde at the symphony. What timing, to hear lovers singing about being together forever in death, but it was good nonetheless. Friend, who is working on her husband's Memorial 

I moved the service from 3/31 to 4/7 so people who had Easter/Passover commitments could come. Now I've learned that 4/7 was the last day of Passover and the day for honoring the departed! How's that for a "coincidence"? 

[MartyT]

 

37 minutes ago, TomPB said:

How's that for a "coincidence"? 

Some would say there's no such thing as a coincidence, Tom. Your timing seems just perfect to me! ♥

[Lainey]

My family and I honour Lars every Dec. 11th. We toast him, remember him and honor his life. 

We will be doing the same thing for Tom every year on Oct. 11th.

Know that your darling saw you as the greatest and worthiest of her love. We all see our loved ones the same way.

[TomPB]

Now that the 1 yr Memorial is over, I've fallen into a very low state. The Memorial was beautiful, better than my fondest hopes. People said one beautiful thing after another about Susan, we finished with a really nice meal and conversation, and Sat night I went to Symphony with a friend. ("Tristran and Isolde"; hearing lovers singing about being together forever in death maybe not best timing. I said let's rename it to "Tom and Susan"). This was a labor of love, I did it for Susan, and I know it was a good thing to do and that she appreciated it.

Starting Sun, however, hearing so much about Susan's wonderfullness just ramped up the pain of loss and the feeling that I didn't appreciate her enough. The 2-sided nature of every memory is not new, in fact it's the new normal, but the Memorial put it on steroids. Tough week so far and ultra tired.

[kayc]

16 hours ago, TomPB said:

the Memorial put it on steroids

You all have such an apt way of putting things!  I can imagine...it made the loss only feel all the greater...