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When Mom is Contraband


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When Mom died, she got put in a box--pictures, rings, necklaces and all. Her other things were auctioned or donated. She has no pictures in our new house. I smuggled some but they're hidden in my secret place, though I shared them with my little brother. Not seeing Mom around the house (pictures or things that are "Mom") hasn't affected me so much before. I guess it was because I have my memories and the pictures I hid.

But now I feel terrible. I have to tell my brother to keep secrets if we have to talk about Mom. He wants to have a copy of his picture with Mom but I'm torn about it. On one hand, I'll give him a copy in a heartbeat. On the other hand, I'm worried about who might see it.  He's not exactly at the age where I can order the staff to stay away from his room like mine. Did I make the wrong call about showing the pictures?

Why does my mother have to be a contraband? Talking to Dad is useless. It will only get me grounded. 

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I would be frank with him about the trouble it could cause both of you if anyone found it.  You are 18, when do you get to leave home?  I'd take the pictures with you when you do.  Tell your brother when he's 18 you'll give him one.

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Dear Madam KayC,

Thank you for the advice. The conversation went okay. He cried but accepted that he won't get a photo for now. He's sad because he won't "see" Mom for a long time when I leave. I feel bad for him and it's painful to see him beg for more stories ("Can you tell me about Mom for a bedtime story every night?") 

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That's hard.  I wish you could give him one, but with staff and him being so young...children often forget to be vigilant and one mistake and it's removed and all hell breaks loose!  I'm so sorry for the situation you're both in.  Goes to show money isn't everything and sure doesn't bring happiness.  Funny all the people who probably think they'd like to trade places with you...but they wouldn't if they knew...we should never envy anyone else's position, little do we know about it.  Been through that when I was married to my kids' dad, people envied my marriage but little did they know what it was like in our four walls.  Do you leave in the Fall?

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Dear Madam KayC,

Yes Ma'am, I will leave a few days before classes begin. I'm thinking of writing my memories of Mom in a notebook then maybe having him read it when he will visit me at college or just to preserve it. I wish I could tell the staff to cut my brother some slack for one picture. Like it's our mother, not an obscene poster, let him keep it in his room and don't tattle. I understand why they follow Dad's instructions to the letter, they need the job. It's frustrating though.

As to those who envy my position (or adults who tell me I'm very lucky and blessed) I always tell them it's not all sunshine and daisies. The one thing I want is a parent who cares like "hey kid, what have you been up to?"

Most kids at school angrily wish their parents would go away and leave them to be free and I think "If you only knew..." I don't know the homelife of my schoolmates. Maybe the kid who said that has helicopter parents or maybe it's just one of those teen moments that kids my age go through. I just can't help but think longingly sometimes, that at least their parents care about them outside the goal of one day holding the reins of the family firm.

With respects,

Blue Captain

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