Janka Posted June 9, 2018 Report Share Posted June 9, 2018 My dear Cookie! In the 13th of June will be the anniversay of you and your most beloved one,so I´d like to wish you in advance a peaceful and blessing time spending in loving memory of you two.I do know that he still means the whole world to you and it´s getting harder in this time again.For me it´s not any easier too,because in the 24th of June it´s gonna be the name-day of my love as well.We celebrate the name in Slovak calendar.His name means John in English,the same name as your husband had,so I´ll be thinking of them both on that day... I truly hope that my words may make it a little easier for you...you stay in my thoughts and prayers all the time...as well as other precious people in my life... I´d like to dedicate this favourite song of mine to you both from the bottom of my heart... Flashdance-Lady,lady,lady (Joe Esposito) 1983.mp4 Hugs and love from Janka 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Posted June 11, 2018 Report Share Posted June 11, 2018 Janka: Thank you so much. I know you know what this is.....so wish we had our loved ones here......you are a very caring and thoughtful person......Cookie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Posted June 12, 2018 Report Share Posted June 12, 2018 Why is this so hard? It's been 3 years and, yet, I'm experiencing such sorrow, anxiety and panic with the anniversary of John's death being tomorrow. I've wondered if I have some disorder...PTSD maybe? It feels like a disorder....this can't be what we have to live with so long and for how long? Is this normal? I think the people around me think there is something wrong with me. I just can't shake it. I also feel apathetic....nothing is interesting...just counting down the days. Trying to keep busy....but it is work. Feels like I will never know what it is like to be happy or just content again....sadly, Cookie 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted June 12, 2018 Report Share Posted June 12, 2018 Cookie, I know exactly what you are feeling and saying. Sending you hugs and will be thinking of you. Joyce 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted June 12, 2018 Report Share Posted June 12, 2018 Cookie, same here. It will be 3 years in October. Nothing interests me. Hard to get thru the day. My friends have just about given up on me. I wanted to get a dog, but wonder if I can even take care of one. Thinking of you especially tomorrow. Gin 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted June 12, 2018 Report Share Posted June 12, 2018 Count me in on the 'coffee clutch'. I was just thinking last night how long a person can go until what remaining fuel they have runs out. Mine is dangerously low. If it helps, Gin, my counselor says it is a form of PTSD. It’s serious loss that affects everything and don’t let outsiders invalidate that. How we live with it is still mystery to me. It’s like being dead yourself, but you have to still eat, bathe, shop and handle problems that arise. I can’t remember the last time I truly laughed or felt joy. Some is wrong with me, that I know by how I live now. If you can call it living, which it a non humorless joke. I feel literally sick most of the time because I know every day us a rerun that I’m tired of watching. Tired of feeling I’ve tried so hard to find meaning and can’t. My heart is with you. 💖 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Posted June 12, 2018 Report Share Posted June 12, 2018 So sorry that we feel like this, but it is a comfort knowing I'm not alone....hugs to you all 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TomPB Posted June 12, 2018 Report Share Posted June 12, 2018 Cookie I know exactly what you mean and I wish you the best getting through the day. Sharing with others who have lost a soulmate is what helps me the most. Nobody else has a clue. Geez, this AM my local therapist (NOT my angel grief counselor) suggested that Susan's siblings might be experiencing the same grief that I am. Unbelievable. ❤️🐼 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Posted June 14, 2018 Report Share Posted June 14, 2018 (edited) On 6/12/2018 at 6:20 PM, TomPB said: Cookie I know exactly what you mean and I wish you the best getting through the day. Sharing with others who have lost a soulmate is what helps me the most. Nobody else has a clue. Geez, this AM my local therapist (NOT my angel grief counselor) suggested that Susan's siblings might be experiencing the same grief that I am. Unbelievable. ❤️🐼 Seriously? I'm sure they miss her terribly, but you ate, slept, spent all your time with her (like me and John) and besides loving her completely, just the enmeshment of both your lives makes the loss of hers so excruciating. I am reading "When Your Soulmate Dies by Alan Wolfelt, which I think MartyT recommended. If nothing else, it lets you see that you are experiencing the normal pain and disorientation of having half of you torn away. He says it's similar to losing a twin if you want to try to compare it to anything. Anyway, I needed it because I've really felt like I must be losing my grip. No one gets this except for others who have experienced it, and I mean losing a soulmate. I know other widows who have lost husbands and they suggest that I should be enjoying my freedom...(???) My heart goes out to you. It is a great comfort to talk to those who know what this is. Thanks for your support...Cookie Edited June 14, 2018 by MartyT Link inserted 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TomPB Posted June 14, 2018 Report Share Posted June 14, 2018 (edited) 2 hours ago, Cookie said: Seriously? I'm sure they miss her terribly, but you ate, slept, spent all your time with her (like me and John) and besides loving her completely, just the enmeshment of both your lives makes the loss of hers so excruciating. I am reading "When Your Soulmate Dies by Alan Wolfelt, which I think MartyT recommended. If nothing else, it lets you see that you are experiencing the normal pain and disorientation of having half of you torn away. He says it's similar to losing a twin if you want to try to compare it to anything. Anyway, I needed it because I've really felt like I must be losing my grip. No one gets this except for others who have experienced it, and I mean losing a soulmate. I know other widows who have lost husbands and they suggest that I should be enjoying my freedom...(???) My heart goes out to you. It is a great comfort to talk to those who know what this is. Thanks for your support...Cookie Exactly. They still sleep with their spouses and share the same love and support. They are not looking for a new point to their existence and trying to find their way through a whole new sad life. The comparison is ridiculous and offensive. I also got "When your soulmate dies" precisely because of the quote Marty gave which recognizes the uniqueness of this grief. Take care, I've found that after I get through a "big day" OK the hit can come after...TomPB Edited June 14, 2018 by MartyT Link inserted 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted June 14, 2018 Report Share Posted June 14, 2018 Tom, Cookie, I am also reading the same book. I think he understands what a special relationship we had with our soulmates. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 Comparisons invalidate, not a good idea! My soul mate's birthday is today. I actually had a sister email me, I couldn't believe she remembered, usually no one does, it meant a lot. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 We're all thinking of you and your beloved on this special day of remembrance, dear Kay ❤️ 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 Thinking of you today. These days are hard! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 22 hours ago, Cookie said: they suggest that I should be enjoying my freedom...(???) OMG Cookie! I can`t believe you have been targeted with that speech. Freedom? Of what exactly? Perhaps they ment to themselves and their partners. How horrible and unfair, in any way, to express that about another human being. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 14 hours ago, kayc said: My soul mate's birthday is today. I actually had a sister email me, I couldn't believe she remembered, usually no one does, it meant a lot. Peace to you, Kay. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 2 hours ago, scba said: OMG Cookie! I can`t believe you have been targeted with that speech. Freedom? Of what exactly? Perhaps they ment to themselves and their partners. How horrible and unfair, in any way, to express that about another human being. Yes, scba, unbelievable....my answer to that is I was free when John was alive, beautiful, nestle down in such comfort freedom. John's love gave me such freedom to explore myself and the world. Now, I feel trapped....love is the most freeing thing that there is. Also, I've had a real education since John died in terms of the carelessness of people. I know that many don't try to be hurtful, but, gee, a little thought before speaking would be nice....and then when you realize what you said was hurtful, wouldn't it be nice to address it at least and try to find out why it was hurtful? I think the person who said that about freedom never had the connection and love with her husband that many of us have known, so I try to think compassionately about it.... 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 2 hours ago, scba said: Peace to you, Kay. Oh...that is very touching. Those gestures mean so much...hugs to you Kayc 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 23 hours ago, TomPB said: Exactly. They still sleep with their spouses and share the same love and support. They are not looking for a new point to their existence and trying to find their way through a whole new sad life. The comparison is ridiculous and offensive. I also got "When your soulmate dies" precisely because of the quote Marty gave which recognizes the uniqueness of this grief. Take care, I've found that after I get through a "big day" OK the hit can come after...TomPB TomPB: I know what you mean about the hit coming after....I will think I'm doing ok, and then go home and the bottom falls out. I so want this to be a straight line forward because getting ambushed by pain is very difficult and I always feel like maybe I'm not moving through this.....Cookie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 Thinking of you, Kay. Both .George's birthday and your health. 🌺 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 Kay,. Thinking about you this week. I know you have George's birthday, Father's Day and more. Plus you are not feeling well. Hope you feel better. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TomPB Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 20 hours ago, kayc said: Comparison invalidate, not a good idea! My soul mate's birthday is today. I actually had a sister email me, I couldn't believe she remembered, usually no one does, it meant a lot. ❤️🐼 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 16, 2018 Report Share Posted June 16, 2018 I am having a super bad reaction to an antibiotic for my ear infections...this "reaction" is worse than any pain I've ever known, I'm wiped out from it. Didn't sleep at all night before last. Went back to the doctor yesterday, felt I wasted my time and effort. I hope it starts improving soon. If it wasn't for my animals I'd probably have someone drive me to the hospital. But then if the doctor wasn't worried, I guess I should just give it time to pass...hopefully it does pass! I bought a different car yesterday, my son is going to sell mine, I decided I need a four door automatic, I'm getting old and with the injuries I got last year (not to mention the time I broke my right elbow) it hurts to drive a stick shift, hold the clutch in, etc. Plus (picture this) most of my friends are in their 80s...a couple of months ago I drove them to a luncheon 50 miles away...Getting them into the backseat wasn't a problem, getting them OUT was a whole different ballgame! Picture me pulling, prying, pushing, you name it to get some 89 year old ladies out. I thought I was going to have to call for a crane! The episodes of laughter didn't help our cause any. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted June 16, 2018 Report Share Posted June 16, 2018 Hope you feel better soon and hope the meds start working. Sending you hugs! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted June 16, 2018 Report Share Posted June 16, 2018 Kay, I'm so sorry that you're not feeling well. You are such a dear and caring person. Your experience with getting those ladies out from the back seat of your car is ~ well ~ dare I say hilarious? But only in retrospect, I'm sure! Do get some rest, and know that we are sending healing thoughts to you ❤️ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now