Losing Your Only Child

[Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)]

July 5, 2007 4 months today!

I lost my only child Sean March 5, 2007 due to a motorcyle accident. He was 18 years old and would have been 19 April 21. I lost my son,friend,my reason for life. He was a funny and well loved boy. He had a nice job and was attending college. He was always smiling, his smile would light the room. He died on a motorcycle called a crotch rocket. Did we want him to get no way? Did we do everything to talk him out of it. You Bet! Sean loved us but he was determined to get this bike. He wanted to enjoy the summer with his friends riding. He said if they rode bikes a least none of them would be drinking! Sean didn't like to drink. But he always got hasseled if he didn't. He told me and his dad one time he filled up beer bottles with cream soda just so he could go to a party. Sean went to school with these kids all his life. He was always trying to care of them. He would visit his elderly neighbor in a retirment home after she moved. He spent time with his friend Andrew who is a special needs boy. He was always helping someone. How do you get over a kid who bought all your christmas presents, wrapped them, and hid them making sure i didn't see them. My son enjoyed the whole spirit of christmas. It was our special holiday. I dread it the most. Today he has been gone 4 months. How does one get over losing your past,present, and all the hopes you had for his future. I'll never get to hold my own grandchild. There will be no part of me left on this earth when i die. People already expect you to let go only after 4 months. I'm sorry but his life was worth more than that. There were 700 people at his visitation. I don't remember half of it. I used to ask why, now I just want to learn to live till I see him again. I'm still angry that Ohio law allows a 18 year old boy to buy this piece of machinery. We told him we wanted no part of it . It was in his name and so was the insurance and he paid for it. We as his parents had to sign to get his permit and he had to take drivers ed. Why could he buy this deadly machine at 18 without a training course. All he had to do was take a test and got a permit. Sean has rode some kind of vehicle since he was a kid. He has always had four wheeler, he rode tracters, dirt bikes, he learned to drive on the farm with a old car that was a stick shift. Do we blame ourselves YES! I tried so hard, pleaded, cried, and begged. I said Sean this bike will be the death of you! No it won't mom I'll be careful. He died his 3rd time on the bike after having it 2 weeks. This was one time he didn't listne to us and I hate it.

I miss my baby. Forever Sean's Mom

[lorikelly]

I am so sorry, i don't know what to say. i am a mother of two boys 8 and 12 and could not imagine losing them. i can even think of the pain you must be feeling. my mom always said the worst kind of loss is that of a child. it just isn't suppose to be. my heart, prayers and love go out to you. i pray that God will hold you in the palm of his hands. Lori

[Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)]

Thanks Lori! We Need all the prayers we can get. it's just so hard losing a kid like Sean! He was becoming a wonderful man! His friends told us that he said his dad was his hero and he was a momma's boy but that was alright because he trusted his mom with everything! We had such a wonderful relationship. I just don't know who i am without him or how to go onwithout him. My husband has other children Sean was our only child together. He was the light of our lives. I don't know how to be anyone else but Sean's MOM!

[kellymarie]

Dolores, I am so very sorry for your loss of your Sean. I lost my boyfriend at the age of 27 in a car accident on March 5th, 2006. He was also an only child, and I have become very close to his parents, especially his mom. So I know your pain from seeing through Josh's mom. I've heard of an organize called Compassionate Friends for bereaved parents. Again, I am so sorry and just wanted to send you a hug and prayers during this painful time. And you will always be Sean's mom... that will never change. Kelly

[Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)]

Thanks Kelly!

[Trudy1964]

Delores,

My heart goes out to you. I am so very so for your loss. I can not begin to comprehend what it must be like to loose a child. Just remember, he's always with you. He sounds like such a nice guy. I wish I had known him. Peace and prayers to you.

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

[Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)]

Thanks Trudy!

People have no idea, unless you have walked in our shoes. They say losing a spouse, parent, or sibling is like losing a limb. But to lose a child is like losing a lung. I believe this, I've lost my father, oldest brother, grandmothers and other relatives. I've known the pain of losing someone. But I got to say it was nothing like losing my son. He took my heart with him. I'm 44 and feel like my life is finished. I pray that god gives me the strength to go on and a reason for my life. I just haven't figured that out yet, if ever. Everyone tells me Sean had more love given to him in 18 years,10 months,and 2 days, than most people have in a lifetime. He knew it too. Our love for him was endless. We also were lucky in the fact that he appreciated us and told his friends. People say he was special, a smile for everyone, helpful, never held a gruge, and loveing. Yes i feel lucky that i got to raise this boy. But I am a selfish human, I wanted more! Please keep me and my husband in your prayers, we so need them.

[Trudy1964]

Dolores,

We are all here for you. We are all on the same journey for different reasons. Don't be too hard on your self. I have learned grieving is a long slow process. It takes a lot of time and energy. You will have many many ups and downs to face. Your new family here is ready to help you through.

I don't think your being selfish for wanting more. Your just being a Mom who wanted to watch her son grow up. My Mom was 75 when she left us. After she passed, I would read the obituarys and get angry when people would live to be 85 because I wanted more time with her. We just don't every want to let go.

Sean and God will give you the strength to get through this. God Bless.

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

[STARKISS]

Hi Dolores,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your son, I can not even imagine what you are feeling now... I am glad you have found this website and know the family here will be there for you even if it is just to listen... I will keep you in my prayers and I will ask God to give you the strength to get through your grief... Your son sounds like a great guy and I hope one day that you will see him again until than know that we are all here waiting to help if we can... Take care and God Bless Shelley

[lorikelly]

Dolores

You will always be Sean's mom, death does not take that a way. Remenber that always. Prayers are with you. LOir

[Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)]

Thanks everyone! It has helped getting on here and talking about Sean. There is a group in Cincinnatti Ohio and Columbus ohio. One is 1 half hours away and the other 2 hours. We have had support from friends and family. Hopice came Out to Northwest school for one night for 6 weeks, but I felt it was just to soon for me it had only been a month. I went to 2 of them. There were like 5 familys there that had lost a child. I was the only one there who

lost there only child. They were still having a hard time after 6 months, 2 years, 4 years, and 6 years. I thought If this is what its like It'll never get better. My pain hurts so bad sometimes it takes my breath. I don't have another child to go on for. I feel lost! We were so close Sean and I. I haven't driven since his death, or go out much in public. I have some recently. Only where I think I won't know anyone. I'm not ready to answer how are you! I know people are just being kind. But the answer would be something they would't want to hear. My husband and I have seen people we know they usually act like they don't see us. They say its because they are afraid, because if it happened to our child it could happen to theirs. I really understand that, but sometimes it hurts. My sister has been a blessing and 2 very special friends. I wouldn't have made it this far without them. My son wrecked in one of those friends front yard! She says it was mean't to be that way so she would be the one to call me! I believe that! and God knew that I would need her. We planted a tree, weeping cherry tree there for her and me. Instead of looking at the ditch I try to focus on the tree. It has been hard for her, our kids graduated together last year. She has had to go in and out of her driveway to come to see me. But she did it. I think god for her everyday that she was with my boy in is first minutes of death. He died instantly they said, but they tried to tell us when we got there that he had a pulse, he didn't. They wanted to give me hope. I would have rather known the truth. I could have held my boy in that ditch the last minutes on earth instead of clinging to a friend and screaming till the ambulance got there. I miss my boy today as much as March 5th 2007 on that monday night at 6:20. I keep praying!!

Edited July 7, 2007 by Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)

[karenb]

Oh, I'm so sad for you and your family. What an awful thing. There is nothing to say that can help. I just shake my head. I have 3 children and cannot imagine the pain you feel Sean, obviously, had some other thing the Good Lord wanted him to do because he left so soon. He certainly had some very special qualities....I just don't know. I am so sorry. I hope you can walk through this with caring people around you and try to take care of yourself. It is so hard and I'm so sorry. You need lots of hugs and here's one.

KarenB

[Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)]

Thank You Karen!

[MartyT]

Dolores, dear, my heart is aching for you, too. I am the mother of two grown sons, one of whom is presently on a dangerous mission in the Middle East, despite all my pleading and wishing and hoping and praying that he would just stay home. I fear for his safety each and every day, and I've often thought what would happen to me if something happens to him. I cannot begin to imagine the anger, helplessness, sorrow and despair you must be experiencing in the aftermath of your boy's senseless, accidental death. Clearly you would have given your own life in exchange for his, if only that could have saved him. Believe me, I know that, and as a mother I certainly do understand it.

Please know that we're all thinking of you and holding you in gentle thought and prayer.

If you've not been there already, I want to invite you to explore these pages on my Grief Healing Web site, where you will find additional sources of information, comfort, and support:

Death of an Infant, Child, or Grandchild

Traumatic Loss

As we often say to those dear souls who find their way to this place of warmth, compassion and love: There is nothing we can do to take away your pain, but we can assure you that we will not let you bear it all alone.

Wishing you peace and healing,

[Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)]

Thank you Marty! I will pray that your boy makes it home safely. Nobody should have to go through this! We are not suppose to bury our kids. Its just isn't right. I miss Sean with all my heart. It sometimes feels it is getting harder every day instead of lessening. Yes I would have gave my life for his. I used to tell Sean if something happened to him they might as well take me too. He said awl mom i'll be alright. I wouldn't want you to do that. He would'nt either he say Mom get over it, it will be alright you'll see. I know Sean wants me and his dad to go on and not be sad all the time. But Sean will have to patient this one time. It's gonna take awhile if ever. I hope one day!

I will check out your web site Marty! Thanks for telling me about it. It has helped to talk about Sean!

Thanks everyone and keep us in your prayers!

Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)

Edited July 8, 2007 by Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)

[LoriS.]

Dear Delores, I am so very sorry about your son Sean. I often avoid reading the posts in this section since I know it's about losing a child and I just can't imagine it. Something compelled me to look at your first post and the subsequent posts and I could barely get through it without my eyes welling up with tears. My heart breaks for you and your family. I hope that someday you will find some peace.

Take care...Lori

[Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)]

So do I Lori! Life has changed! I've found its a sad , sad world we live in. Sean has let us know he is still with us! One day I'll tell you all about it. Its truly amazing. I pray every night that he will come to me in a dream. But he hasn't. But he has sure come to alot of people who he knows will tell me. I believe he is trying to help me and his dad. I didn't believe before i sure do now. Keep us in your prayers it is so hard learning to live without him here on earth. One day, one minute at a time.

Edited July 10, 2007 by Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)

[lyn]

Dear Dolores,

I am very sorry for loss of your son. I pray that God will continue to give u strength and sustain u each day. The death of our loved one changes our lives forever, but i do believe that they are always with us. Sean is always with u..

[Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)]

Thanks Lyn. I pray every night and everyday for acceptance of Sean's death.

I miss him like it was yesterday.

Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)

[chandrasmom]

Dolores, I understand your feelings and share your pain. My oldest daughter died February 9, 2007 at age 36. I find it comforting to talk to her aloud and to write in a journal about my feelings and to cry when I feel like crying. This is the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life, as I'm sure it is for you. I truly believe God does not give us more than we can handle and that there is a reason for everything that happens, though we may not know what that reason is for a long, long time.

I bought a bench for my daughter's memorial area that says: "Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen. Unheard. But always near. So loved. So missed. So very dear."

Sean is there with you and your husband in spirit. Believe that. The love you all shared is a bond that cannot be broken. And you will see Sean again one day.

You are in my thoughts.

Deborah

[Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)]

Thanks Deborah

I too write in a journal. Just not every day. I am sorry for the loss of your daughter. There is no pain like this is there. To loss a child. It will soon be 5 months since Sean's death. I miss him like it was yesterday. Although i am in great pain, I realize how lucky we were to raise him. He was the light of my life. He touched so many lives. I'm grateful for that. But I'm still struggling to find a way to go on. He was my reason to live. Now how does one go on after loseing their only child. I will because I want to see my son again. But How! There are days i think I'll be okay, then bam something happens, then I'm a mess. Does that happen to you. Do you think we will ever have peace. I know they say put everything in God's hands, I try. Somedays I just don't understand. (Why!) I guess i will never know. All i do know the light went out of my life, I live in a dim world now. Please everyone keep us in your prayers. I feel like mine aren't being heard.

God Bless you Deborah and your family.

Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)

[karenb]

Deborah and Delores.....I am putting you both in my prayers. I lost my husband but I've always thought that losing a child even had to be worse. I'm so sorry for your pain. I visit aa assisted living home and there's a lovely lady there that just says, "You don't get over it, you just get used to it." I guess we just have to keep just getting on. Bless you both and I'm so sorry.

Karen

[chandrasmom]

Dolores, Other parents who have lost children tell me we will not ever "get over" this grief, but we will eventually learn to live with it. And it will become more bearable in time.

I don't write in my journal every day either. But when I become particularly upset over something or just plain mad it does help to write it out. I have moments like you mention when I don't think I can get through another painful hour. But then I do. And I know I will continue to have these moments. It helps to talk to a trusted friend at those times or just to sit down and have another good cry. Sometimes when I am driving or shopping something will hit me and I will start crying.

The death of our children has forever changed our lives, but I don't believe for one second that they would want us to give up on life. That would almost be an insult to our children. How can we waste whatever time we have left when their time was cut short? For now, of course, we are stuck in a state of limbo, unsure what we are meant to do and with no energy to do anything much. But there will come a day when we can take a step. And then another. And another. And those steps will carry us through the days until we see our children again.

When I am tempted to give up and give in I think about other people who have suffered through this pain and even worse--there are parents who have lost multiple children in accidents--and who have somehow survived. You and I will get through this too.

Deborah

[Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)]

Deborah:

I hope to get to that point someday! I probably sound so selfish, like I'm the only person to lose their child. I feel that way sometimes. That's why I went looking for someone who can share my pain. Thank you Deborah! I will try to keep the faith. I know Sean would want me too! Everyone on here has been so kind and offered alot of encouragement. I'll keep on one day at a time, one minute at a time. I miss my baby!!!! I don't know if I will ever get used to that.

Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)

[chandrasmom]

Dolores, There is nothing selfish about a mother grieving the loss of her child. And everyone grieves differently. All we can do is what we think will get us through the day, the week, the month.

Assuring you of these things is a good reminder for me. Sometimes I feel like I should be "getting on with things" better than I am. But I'm doing the best I can.

Deborah