9 Months Today

[Stallyn]

Well its another #2, this time 9 months, I been sitting here disturbed of why I cope so differently now, first of all I didn't realize it was the nine months today and feel not-so-good. Am I falling out of love with my wife? is it now just a distant memory of the 8 wonderful years together? I am trying so hard to keep her spirit close to me. I miss you Myrna, more than you know...

love,

William

[dpodesta]

William,

It doesn't mean that you are falling out of love with your wife. It means that you are starting to cope with the loss and starting to live again. Your wife will always have a special place in your heart as time goes on you will start having fond memories of her instaed of feeling the stabbing pain you have felt during the previous months. Your mind is starting to accept the loss and allowing you to feel better.

Love always

Derek

[karenb]

Well, it sounds very familiar to me...those feelings. You're not falling out of love...it's just those ups and downs. Tomorrow you might feel altogether different. You know, maybe Myrna has another "job" right now but she'll be right by your side whenever you need her. I feel they're so much more understanding where they are now and definitely more loving. I also feel they want us to continue to move on until we see them again. Anyway, that's just my opinion. I always pray for Jack's soul and that he's doing well in whatever he's doing now....but be by my side.

Love you, Karen

[WendyJ]

William, myself and a few others are right behind you so know you are not alone. My 9months is in 5 days and that doesn't really bother me as much as in 3 months it will be a year. I'm sorry I have to go now, now I upset myself.

Love You,

Wendy

[Stallyn]

Derek,

I feel a guilt still, I refer to her as my wife, not late wife or widower, like she is on a long vacation. You are right, I am moving on whether by choice or not.

Karen, I believe that they are so different and full of knowledge that isn't attainable on earth, I would hope and think because of that they would comfort us more frequently

Wendy, I appreciate all of you and the love given to me, Please feel better tonite and take care of yourself, It still hurts to remember the loss, I have a feeling this is something that remains with us.

Love,

William

[dpodesta]

William,

Believe me I know about the guilt thing. Because of her death, I have gotten a financial stability that would probably not have happened. I have an oppurtunity to go into teaching which is something I have wanted to do for years but couldn't because of the paycut that will happen as a rusult, but now I can take the paycut and still live confortability. Grated this will have to wait until I get my degree but all the same. I can't tell you not to feel guilty because what you feel is what you feel. There are still quite a few days where I have those guilty feelings because I am doing so well and everything just seems like it is all coming together for me. You are doing well and it will get better. Just remember you will have those days again in the near future where it will feel like you are back in the begining but you will get through them.

Love always

Derek

[karenb]

William,

Just a quick note, I always refer to Jack as my husband....he is!

Have a peaceful night, please, and take care.

Love you, Karen

[Stallyn]

Derek,

I have also became financially stable and I always considered it blood money I feel the same sentiment, the guilt of prosperity and buying a house, being on a fixed income for years on end and the only way it changed by losing her and not fully enjoying things since she passed. thanks for that affirmation, I don't hear much but only here, and knowing its ok, You will be an excellent teacher, it is really a disgrace the pay is not equal to other careers, whence you are molding youngsters.

Karen, I feel your warmth too, its always our spouse

Love,

Willam

[shell]

Hi everyone,

I'm glad that the subject of guilt came up, because I think we all feel it one way or another. By the time my mom died I was physically and mentally exhausted and it was almost a sense of relief that I could "relax". Of course, I felt terribly guilty about even feeling this and continued to run myself ragged for a couple of months afterwards, just working, working, working on anything to be busy. If I was talking to my brother in the kitchen, I would get up every few minutes and start pacing around until my brother said, "Shell, you have to relax. Sit down and start taking it slower". I realized he was right and started trying to slow myself down. I also remembered how badly my mom felt that I had so much to do taking care of her. I always assured her I didn't mind and it was ok, but she was worried about me. My point is, my mom would want me to relax now. And I think all of our loved ones would not want us to feel any guilt over anything! It's the old thing, but they truly would want us to be happy. We just have to somehow find a way to let ourselves let go of these feelings.

Hugs,

Shell

[shell]

I wanted to add that AnnC recommended a book called Hello From Heaven that I am reading now. It is about after death communications and is fascinating. But the main thing that jumps out at me is that in all the communications the person who passed does not want the person still living to be sad or unhappy. It's a great book that makes you feel peaceful, well worth reading.

[Stallyn]

Shell,

I have the same experience, Myrna went to Guatemala, and I felt so relived so much so I slept in the day she died, They were calling like crazy to have me speak my final words to her, I nearly miss it, the guilt lingered for months, I am the same, meaning I still do it, work myself ragged every day, finding something to do at any minute. I see Myrna still ill sometimes, oblivious to me. I wonder what she felt at the end, and how she feels now, she always repeated days before she died to make sure I was ok. It was beyond me how she still said that but never really talked anymore.

I want to check into that book, I get messages around me but not sure how to interpret it. Has it opened you to things never thought possible?

Hugs,

William

[lyn]

William, my thoughts are with you today. I started to go out with friends, and i feel guilty that i had fun with them.

As they said here, you are not losing your love with Myrna, but maybe you are on your way to acceptance now. I pray it will continue for you.

For me, I dont have any doubts about his last thoughts, i know he was thinking of me, of our love, but i do feel sad of the fact that i was not there to hold his hand during his final moments. I keep myself busy, hoping not to feel the pain anymore..Im exhausted, im tired.

This is such a difficult journey, but we will be ok. May you have a peaceful evening there.

[Stallyn]

Lyn,

The guilt just doesn't diminish, stays on the side sometimes, mostly now what I feel is sadness with the knowledge life is continuing without the dreams and aspirations. Hard is it not to be with them as they past, it haunts us not knowing what they said or felt right before the time, I am tired too, we just occupy with grinding the wheel it seems. Maybe its grief turned outward. Bless youmy dear friend and see some rest tonite.

Love,

William

[lyn]

He is no longer coming back, right? When will i accept it? Why do i still keep hoping that he will return, am I in denial again? Gradually, I am starting to fulfill some dreams, but he is not here to share them with me. Why is that so? The emptiness is starting to seep in again...

[lorikelly]

I think guilt is such a part of the grief process. i myself had alot of guilt and still do. it ate me up inside. i was having panic attacks and my legs would shake and pace for hours. i finally got help for those. i just think we sit back and think about all the things we should of said , should of done . there is a time where we have to say enough, we did all we could. its hard one.

For the money , i think your loved ones are happy. they want us to be happy and that includes being financial ok.

lori

[lyn]

lori, i noticed that i was having anxiety attacks too, like palpitations, shakiness and upset stomach. am not taking any medications but when it gets worse, i often wish i can control it. i tried to keep myself calm most of the time and divert my mind when i start having the attack. it is very uncomfortable and sometimes, it affects my self-confidence too. relaxation music, meditation, exercise and deep breathing help a lot too.

[WendyJ]

Lyn,

I am so relieved that I am not the only one who thinks my spouse is away and coming back. I want to believe that so badly and I wonder if at times that is how I am coping by believing that. I am sick of the emptiness and being out of "OUR" routine. When will things straighten themselves out again?

Love,

Wendy

[lorikelly]

Lyn

Mine had gotten so bad that i had to take something. i tried everything on my own but nothing worked. it was hard giving into a medication but so thankful i did. i have always been a nervous/anxious person and the grief just send me on a whirlwind. lori

[Stallyn]

Guilt is a green eye monster chasing you relentlessly, one day or 2 is good and it comes back, I rarely feel anxiety as most do but my chrohns flares up when a bad day comes along, I guess for the most of us, maybe thinking they are away keeps up sane for the time being until we reach the next level. As for the money, its never a consolation for losing a spouse, I alway though WE should be financially stable, not just myself without her. Man this is getting hard. Got to go for now.

Love,

William

[karenb]

William,

I'm in the middle of a transcription project, but I just want you to know we're all with you. Hang in there, my friend.

Karen

[Corinne]

William, my friend, as always Karen is right we are here for you. It appears that guilt comes along with grief, but we need to be strong and fight it off or it will destroy us. We did our best and dwelling on the would have, could have, should have's is not going to do us any good, besides that our loves would not have wanted us to do that. They knew us with all our faults and imperfections and chose to love us anyway so let us not disrespect that love.

You are a good person with a big heart and don't forget that! I will pray for you for peace.

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

By the way did you take your meds today? How about you Wendy?

[Stallyn]

Karen, Corinne, I don't know what to say, if you could see my face, it means so much to me that you guys care, and really know how I feel. I feel happy and sad at the same time. not being able to help. I did take my meds today.

Love you all,

William

[WendyJ]

Hey I was good too and took my meds !!! Yeah for me !

Love,

Wendy

[Corinne]

William,

I know exactly what you mean. I should be happy, my brother got me a beautiful townhouse to live in and paid the lease for 1 year. I just leased a new RAV 4 since my '93 Explorer was about done. I have two beautiful girls. Yet I still feel so sad. That is why I have started on the meds, I just don't seem to be able to get over that hump. I know that eventually I will be better but sometimes I just get so frustrated with myself. I am so thankful that I have everyone here to talk to because I don't know if I could have done this alone.

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[suzanne]

William

Be strong my friend even when you feel like you have run out of fuel. I'm right with you at nine months. I have also felt the guilt. Maybe I didn't do enough or should have done something different. We all did the best we could at the time and we can't go back and change anything. If only I could. I feel like I am 100 years old at times.

Wendy

Your photo with Steve is so beautiful. I can tell what a happy couple you were. It so nice to be able to put faces with names. I wish NONE of us were going through this and since we are, I wish we lived closer together. But I guess we are just a mouse click away.

Suzanne