Just Lost My 1st Baby To An Ectopic Pregnancy...what Do I Do Now?

[kelly773]

I don't know what to do with myself. I feel fine from the emergency surgery but I keep getting really emotional every day and when I'm not expecting my emotions to come they come on really hard and I just start crying. I can't sleep or eat/drink that much - I'm just not hungry or thirsty. I’m real weak and tired and fell all jittery inside and out. I have pains in my shoulders all the time and I just don’t know what to do. I’m back to work but can’t keep my mind on things. I guess time will help since I lost my baby only on June 11th the day after my birthday and I know we can still have our first baby someday but just have to wait about 3 months and then start trying again.

Any advice on how to get through all of this or how to help me sleep and feel ok would be greatly appreciated.

[MartyT]

My dear Kelly,

I'm so sorry to learn of the loss of your baby; I know I speak for all of us in offering you our heartfelt sympathy.

In addition to the enormous hormonal changes that are happening in your body right now, you are mourning the death of your first child ~ so it is no wonder you are feeling the way you describe.

I want to refer you to an earlier post that contains a wealth of information I hope will be helpful to you, and I encourage you to take some time to explore all the sites whose links I've included in the post. Be sure to visit the Death of an Infant, Child or Grandchild page of my Grief Healing Web site, too, since so many more resources have been added since I first posted that message two years ago. Click here to read the post: How to Help / Neighbor's Miscarriage.

You may find this thread helpful, also: Trouble Sleeping.

I'm sure you will hear from some of our other members, too, and I know that here you will find some of the compassionate companionship you deserve as you travel your own grief journey.

Wishing you peace and healing,

MartyT

[dpodesta]

Kelly,

I am so sad to hear of your loss. Unfortunately I don't monitor this forum as most of my time is spent in the loss of a spouse fourm. We had 2 miscarraiges before our son was born. He is now 9 years old. This is a very difficult time right now and it is all so new. Unfortunately most people don't understand the loss of an unborn child. They don't see why you should be this emotional when you have never seen your child. However the grief is as real as losing someone you have know for many years. You asked how do you get through this. All I can say is one day if not one minute at a time. Seek out those who are close friends that are willing to lend an ear without judging you for how long it may take for you to get through this. It will get easier that I promise. Keep coming here and like Marty said there are a lot of kind people here that do understand what you are going through and will be here for you.

Love always

Derek

[mlg]

Kelly, like Derek, I usually don't monitor this forum but I guess because of your name and the topic it drew me in. I had a niece Kelli who also lost her first born ( a little boy). I can only imagine what you are going through. You feel that life within you and then you don't and don't have anything externally to hold on to. Is there anyone in your community that you know that has also lost a child at birth? Maybe the two of you can "cling" to each other for a little moral support. Finding this website will be a God send to you, but because of your sleeplessness try not to get on it too much rithg before bed becasue working on a computer before bed is bad. Your brain is working hard to put all those little mega pixels together and it overstimulates you. Green tea is also like the milk and has a natural calming effect. The peaceful music is good too. Good luck and God bless.

Mary Linda