A First For Me

[leeann]

Last night as I was trying to go to sleep, I just prayed/thought about what heaven would be like as a way to help me drift off.

Well I had some pleasant images and then poof!, I was out.

Two hours later I woke myself up.... sobbing. Yup.. actual sobbing.

That has never happened before in my life. And I have had plenty of things happen in my near half century here.. but I have never had a dream bring me to sobbing. I mean I rarely sob when I am awake! lol I mean I cry, when I am awake.. but actual, out loud "Boo Hoo's"??? a rare event.

So this was odd.

Fortunately I was able to recall the dream I was having and why I was sobbing.

(Must be very unnerving when one wakes up like that and can't recall the dream or why one is sobbing. But I remembered thank goodness.)

I was kinda frantically looking for my parents and I couldn't find them. It seemed to be an institutional.. but lightly so, setting. There were staff. And I was SO frustrated with them. I somehow knew my parents should be in this facility... whatever it was. But.. I kept going from room to room and asking them.. but they didn't know where they were or anything about them and I couldn't find them on my own. In the dream I was berating the staff like "How could you lose two people?" LOL

And then all of a sudden my Mom came right up to me in this hallway there and I immediately began crying with relief against her shoulder and then she showed me my Dad was there too. And then I just cried harder with more relief and then that's when I woke up.

(I hope heaven isn't really like this. LOL)

I kept crying some after I woke up and prayed that way.. as in "Please don't let heaven be like this. Let them come to me right away when it is my turn.."

And then I just let the tears and emotion run til they were satisfied.

It was definitely weird.. I knew it was just a dream.. but I also figured I must need to have those tears flow on some level... so I let them.

Just weird though... I got up got a drink of water.... blew my snoz and then went back to bed and promptly fell right back to sleep and had no trouble sleeping deeply the rest of the night.

But my very first foggy thought upon waking was "Who's crying?" and .. it was me. LOL

Maybe this is just part of grief too.. I dunno. But I just went with it.. ya know.. in case it is.

leeann