Panic Attack?

[NotCoping]

I'm not sure what is going on with me. I've obviously had a really rough month to put it mildly, but today I feel panicky - like I've got to get out of here or something for a month or move or something. I know if I leave, I'll just want to be back here. It's like I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and I feel totally nuts. Has anyone else had this problem? I wonder why it just started with me today. It's cold and raining and not a good day for a walk, but I don't even think that would be any relief. I've tried to call some people just to see if it would help, and no one is answering.

[marsha]

Not Coping - you're not alone here, and you're not alone in having panic attacks. I never know or knew when I would get hit with them. What I try to do is breathe deeply, then focus on something else. Even doing a load of laundry or coming here to read past posts, or organizing a drawer helped a little. It drew my mind onto a task, and gave my mind something to concentrate on. To me, the panic is when my fears come right to the surface, and it's almost too painful to deal with, especially when I don't have answers. But they do pass. Big cyber hug! Marsha

[karenb]

I've been reading your posts and watching the videos....brought tears to my eyes. I know what you're going through, and it just doesn't go away quickly. New and strange feelings come and go, and you do wonder about your sanity....that's normal. In fact, anything that you're feeling is normal, as you've seen from other people on this site. I am glad you continue to come back, because it helps to get this out and I think writing about it helps, too. Just remember you are not alone in this, we're all here for you. Hang in there for today, try to be good to yoiurself. There's another day around the corner and in time it won't be so bad. I'm so sorry it's hard.

Your friend, Karen

[WendyJ]

Not Coping,

It sounds to me like you are experiencing anxiety, most of us have and I know I still do from time to time. I would call your doctor to see if he can prescribe something for you to take when this happens or ask his opinion on Melatonin which can be found in the health food store. I know from experience going away for a couple days or keeping busy does not always help, you can't leave it behind. You can try to relax though, take a hot bath, a nice glass of wine, try to read a book or yes take a nice long walk which may help your brain to release your own Melatonin from your brain. I know anxiety and panick attacks are not fun, and they hurt too. Good Luck to you.

Love,

Wendy

[MartyT]

Melanie, this matter of anxiety has been discussed many times on our site. If you use the "Search" feature at the top right side of the page, and type in the words "panic attack," you'll find three pages of posts on this topic alone ~ which tells you that, as Marsha, Karen and Wendy have already said, you are not alone in feeling this way, and what you are feeling is not at all uncommon in grief.

Here are some of the posts on this topic that I hope you will find most helpful. Be sure to read through all the posts in each thread:

Panic Attacks?

Panic Attacks

New Problem: Is This Normal?

Anxiety Attacks

Anxiety!

[NotCoping]

Thanks everyone. As my luck would have it, my primary care doctor moved to China this year, so I have to find another one (even though I don't have med. insurance). My husband was given a mild anti-anxiety prescription this year, so against all rules, I took one. In about 30-45 minutes, my heart wasn't racing and my breathing became normal, so I guess it worked. I'm glad to know this is "normal" because I'm not used to having these symptoms. I read one of the treads that Marty posted, and yes indeed, there is the feeling of being lost, dread, scared of the future, fears about money - I guess it all adds up. I was unfortunately left with no income, so at some point, I have to find work and it's not the best economy to find work in. I have so many unanswered questions and I'm not in any shape to make rational decisions. Should I sell the house and move somewhere else? Should I start my own business? All sorts of things like that go through my head even with all of the feeling of missing my husband so much it physically hurts and all of the memories of his illness and last day. I don't see how this could not cause people to go nuts.

I've also found that I'm lashing out at people. It's as if I'm not in control of my temper and things better left unsaid are getting said. Thanks for listening.

[shhh65]

Mel,

I've been there too. I felt like I wanted to run away from it all but of course no matter where I'd go I'd still feel the loss. The advice I got was not to do anything for a year. Well, I've just passed the year mark and it is still hard to make changes. I'm unsure of myself. When you are used to having your spouse to talk things over with and suddenly it's not possible it's very overwhelming. In the beginning anything I did seemed like an out of body experience. I can say it is gettiing better but still difficult with big decisions, like buying a car, etc.

I'm glad you felt like you could turn to this site and post. I know how much that has helped me. We are here for you.

[LarrysGirl]

I have anxiety on a daily basis and if my stress level gets to high I'll have a panic attack. I think "loss" is a definite trigger for panic attacks, the fears of being alone, how will I manage on my own, etc. contribute to the problem. Medicine can be helpful, and deep breathing is a good think to practice. Try to get more rest and take things one at a time. Taking care of yourself physically its so important during this time. Deborah

[kayc]

Mel,

I have anxiety attacks too, and I'd really recommend finding a doctor to prescribe something. My doctor prescribed Valium, which I refused to take because it's addictive and makes me sleepy, so I researched it on line and found a medication that is in a class all of its own and is safe and I don't have side affects...I asked my doctor to try me on it, and I love it. It doesn't make me feel like a zombie or a robot, it just helps me feel normal, like I should feel. It's called Buspirone and is sometimes sold under the name Buspar. I imagine I'll probably be on it the rest of my life because I think I've always had GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) and just didn't realize that's what it was...intense, takes things too seriously, overreacts, feels overwhelmed or scared, etc. The medicine helps that panicky feeling inside that wells up to calm down.

The other things mentioned are good too, take good care of yourself, eat healthy, take daily walks, it all helps. Sometimes just knowing you have a plan and taking steps towards that plan also helps. You say you need a job, have you tried going to the employment/workforce office? They have listings of jobs, can assess your job skills, help you develop a resume, and it's all a free service covered by the gov't. You don't have to qualify for unemployment to get it. There are usually organizations that help people who are considering starting their own business to know what is involved, where to get the help, etc. You might try asking around, I don't know where you live but there is also an organization called SCORE that assists new business owners, they are a group of people who have already been through it (they are usually retired) and they bring all of their valuable experience to the newbie to help them out. You could also talk to your local community college and get some ideas and direction there. There really are quite a few free services to help people. You might even try a women's shelter and ask them if they know of anywhere you could get help...they sometimes have help for displaced women, and although I never thought of it that way, in a sense that's kind of what happens to us when we lose our spouse...if they do it for divorced people, why not for widowed? If all of this sounds too big to bite off at once or overwhelming, maybe just start with getting a job, anywhere, you can always upgrade later. Not knowing how we're going to pay the bills is a huge stressor, and it helps to have some money coming in so you know you won't have the electricity shut off or run out of food. I don't know if your house is paid for or not, but if not, making those payments is a big stress, ask me! There is also assistance for low income people for a month's utilities to be paid, you can call your local utility and inquire about it. You may also qualify for gov't paid medical insurance, although in Oregon there is a huge waiting list and a "lottery" determines who gets it. But it doesn't hurt to try! We have a food assistance program for low income people too called the "Oregon Trail Card", it's like food stamps only you're given a card, like a debit card, to use to pay for your groceries. Different states vary as to what they have, but it sure pays to look into! There are often food boxes too that give out surplus food weekly. I haven't ever applied for these as I'm "above poverty", but I do know what it's like to not have anything leftover, and believe me, everything helps! Not everyone was left with a life insurance policy and a paid home to take them through this, so we all vary a lot with our financial situation. Getting that under control relieves a lot of anxiety.

Another common stressor is the fear of being alone...it's particularly difficult for women because we are emotionally based to start with, and also because generally speaking, the types of things we do (cooking, laundry, cleaning, shopping) are no brainers, but the kinds of things men do are more complex and way over most of our heads (home repairs, working on the car, lifting heavy things, chopping wood). We can get bogged down by the least little thing, a stopped up sink, a tree that comes down in our yard, the car that won't start, and we don't know what to do about it. We don't want to rely on others, we have pride, it's hard to ask for help, but please don't be afraid to ask for help. Try getting out and making friends of both sexes, just friendships, people you do for and people who do for you, it's called networking, and it helps tremendously. I've basically put my life on hold since George died and have lost touch with everyone, so I am just now in the process of trying to rebuild my life, make friends, etc. It's hard because initially I am shy but once the ice is broken I'm outgoing. A friend of mine has done a tremendous job of networking, she always has someone to call if she needs a ceiling fan installed or her car won't start or she needs a load of firewood...in return, she'll give rides, serve lavish meals, she's a great hostess and people love coming to her home. Another friend of mine, when she was going through a divorce and had no income, made friends with a man and traded services...he did some home repairs for her and in return she watched his little girl (he was a single parent) and fixed him meals on occassion, I was amazed at how she got by. Sometimes it takes a little brainstorming and creativity to find solutions, but they are out there...often we just get bogged down by the problems so we don't see the possible solutions.

While you are waiting to get in to the doctor and it takes time to find a job, in the meanwhile, do take care of yourself, and do whatever relaxation techniques help. Try listening to soothing music, there are teas out there to help calm a person, you can start on melatonin (wherever vitamins are sold), and keep expressing yourself. Whatever your outlet is, music, art, writing, express yourself through it. Sometimes being busy helps too, I know I like to do dishes to relieve stress, that may sound weird, but often at work when I'm up to my neck in number crunching, I get up and do the employees' dishes...they always say I don't have to do that, but it gives me a quick break and restores my mental faculties for another couple of hours, it helps. Some people actually like house cleaning for that reason (not me). Take care of yourself, we care about you and you WILL get through this, we all will, together.

Love,

KayC

[marsha]

Mel - I find lashing out at telemarketers really makes me feel better! Actually, I wish I could lash out more - but my momma taught me to be nice (oh, that word for us women!!), so I tend to smile, then later let loose with some prime expletives deleted when I'm by myself. It's very ok.

Kay - great suggestions, ones I'm going to look into myself! When you talked about the fear of being alone, not being able to handle those tasks our husbands' did, you hit it for me. And you're right, ask for help. I've used the barter system very well. Owning a deli helps! Love and peace, Marsha