Confusion

[another_sunrise]

Hi Everyone. I'm new here and could really use some help. Nov. 15th was the two-year anniversary of my son's death, and it seems like that has thrown me right back in to new grief. For about a week, getting out of bed was almost impossible. Now I'm just bumbling around trying to restart.

I'm so confused about everything, and so angry again. How do you carry on with your life at times like this? How do you go on as though things haven't changed when, at the moment, it feels like your grief is brand new and you're experiencing your loss all over again? That's sort of how I feel right now.

Sorry to be a bit less than eloquent. Everything is a bit of a jumble right now.

Thanks,

~Sunrise

[kath]

Dear Confusion, (((())))I'm glad you found us. I don't know what it feels like to lose a child, but I can imagine it must be a horrible nightmare. My 22 year old nephew was found dead a month ago and the loss of his smile and zest for life are too much to bear most days. My only advice is to keep coming here. Talk to us. We'll listen and send cyber hugs and somehow, on those days when you can't hold up, we'll help you to stand. We go two steps forward only to take one or two steps back quite often. I can't tell you how many times I thought I was doing well; coping, managing, even finding joy again and "wham" out of the blue, I'm back to day one. I was eight years younger than my husband and each year I feel this terrible reminder that I'm "catching up" and will soon surpass him. With a child, there is no catching up, only the wondering of what could have been. I am so sorry for you. As a mom, my heart aches for you.

Love,

Kath

[sherireed]

I just lost my son on the day you posted this, Im sorry for your loss too.My heart is broken for each of us that have posted here its so unfair and unreal.Im really sorry.Hugs Sheri

[BareThoughts]

Dear Sunrise,

My son died 18 months ago. It's been difficult, but it seems that I coped so much better during that first year. I don't know if it's because I'd always heard that the first year is so much harder, that I geared myself up for it, but I find that since that one year mark passed, I've been struggling to keep up the pace. Perhaps I somehow thought it would get easier and I let my guard down a bit, I don't know. The one thing I do know is that it hasn't gotten any easier, and yet others assume I'm ok, because I was doing well, all things considered, right up until last Christmas. I have no explanation. But being productive, and keeping up with my responsibilities has been difficult. In fact, I'm not productive and only do what absolutely has to be done. I think this is very confusing for my other children. I guess we just roll up our sleeves and wade through the grief, like it or not. Perhaps I will let 1 or 2 good friends know I'm struggling and ask them to check on me. Maybe I should give them permission to drag me out of bed even if I kick and scream, just so I don't forget how to do it.

I notice that there's only a few responses to these posts. Do others respond with a personal email? Or are your questions and you pleas for help going unanswered?

[AnnieO]

I just read your posts . I am sorry there have not been more replies. I cannot speak for anyone but myself...I never know how to respond to the posts from someone that has lost a child. I have tried and haven't been able to find the right words. I am a mother of 2 teenagers and cannot even begin to imagine the pain of losing a child. I am so sorry for your loss and even though I have not responded to your posts, I do read them and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[MartyT]

Dear Ones,

I've noticed also that this forum is not as active as some of our other ones, and I'm not sure why. I can only hope that somewhere you're all finding the information, comfort and support that you certainly need and deserve. Can you share more with one another, and with the rest of us here? Can you tell us more about your precious sons who have died? What were their names? What were their likes and dislikes, their personalities, their dreams and hopes for the future (or yours, for them)? Tell us who they are and what it is that you love most about them. Share a special memory with us. Ask us some questions, if you like. Tell us how you're doing in your own grief journeys, and what you're doing to find your way through this wilderness of loss. We are here for you, and we are listening . . .