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Moving Forward


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One of the things that I have needed to see from time to time here is evidence that our brethren are healing; that there is some hope that we will survive this and rejoin the world of the living. I am approaching that point of joining them myself. My need to post here to receive assurance and comfort from all of you is diminishing. The really bad spells are fewer and and of much shorter duration, and I now know that I can get through them. Oh yes, they still occur on occasion, sneaking up out of nowhere and striking me down, but they are okay, a testament to the love I had and shared with my wife.

So I have been thinking for a couple of months of focusing on my new journey, back out into the world. While I could become content with living the rest of my life alone, honoring the memory of my wife and our relationship, I don`t think she would want that. She originally found me in a bad place, an isolated workaholic afraid of letting anyone get too close and she fought to draw me out to experience the joy of life, companionship and marriage. Should I now keep all she gave me to myself? Were all of her efforts wasted? No, she showed me what a relationship was supposed to be like and I loved it. I loved her; no, I love her and always will, but it is time to open the blinds, to raise the shades and see what the world has done since I left it two years ago.

I will be here, I owe it to all of you that carried me for so much of this journey. I will reply to your posts of questions or to comments my travels may allow me to address, and to give comfort to those poor souls that must follow in our footsteps. But some of them are not ready to hear of the next phase of the trek, or to know how long it took me to get where I am. For their sake, I will make my new postings in the NEW BEGINNINGS section and I ask that you who are or soon expect to be ready to try to step back into the world, to join me there. Thank you my friends and on-line family. As always, Love, Hugs and Prayers for all.

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Hi Fred,

I haven't posted too much here lately....I read it all, but I am moving on. It's been over 3 1/2 years and after the pain and shock of everything diminished somewhat I did make a conscious effort to "go forward." I've involved myself in many things, keeping busy, finding new people, my new church friends, lots of things. My life hasn't been easy so I've learned how to survive, and I am so grateful that the good Lord has continued to give me lessons to grow by and shown me a way to serve others. We will always remember and love those that are now gone, but you're right....we will eventually move forward. I, too, will always watch this site, and will respond whenever I feel that I can help someone. Take care. You're a friend to many.

Love, Karen

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Fred,

I am glad you are progressing in this journey...we weren't made to stay in the same shock and intensity as we were first thrust with. It takes a great deal of effort to learn our new identity and to not only survive, but to try and find joy in life. We do not leave behind our loved one, but rather take them with us.

You have always had just the right thing to say to others, and your input has been so valuable this last year, I do hope you will continue to read and post on occassion here, as well as your continuing on in "New Beginnings". I guess I feel that is the stage I am in too, but I also want to be here for those who are new here and/or struggling. I'm not interested at this point in seeking someone else but want to remain open to whatever God has for me...whenever He has it. I am learning to take a day at a time and try to live in the present moment and enjoy what is, rather than lament what isn't. I am so glad we became friends, I enjoy talking to you and appreciate you and Wendy's pointers on my new puppy!

Love,

Kay

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I've been reading, but not posting. Things have just been way too difficult for me to even speak. It has only been 2.5 months for me. However, reading what you've all said in this post gives me some amount of what is it? Dare I say "hope"?....that I won't always be so miserable. At this point, I cannot imagine feeling any different, but I can hope that's not the case.

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NotCoping,

You have my word that it does get more bearable with time. I did not join here until I was at my 6 month mark and I wish to God I had known about this group earlier. It was talking with my family here and knowing not only that I wasn't alone but also getting my feelings out that helped to get me to where I am now. I have had one hell of a time in the last 2 years with so many problems in my life, some of which are still going on like my Mom's cancer, and I will not lie to you, I am getting ready to hit my 2 year mark and it is still not easy but it does get more bearable. You need to post more, tell us how much you are hurting, tell us how lonely you are, how your life sucks, etc. we have all done it and not only does it help to get the love and the compassion from everyone it also helps to know when someone responds that what you are feeling is normal and you are not the only one going through it, you are never alone here. Give it time my friend, it will hurt alittle less as time goes on, this is a very difficult thing to go through that none of us here thought we would have to go through this so early in our lives but with each others help we will all get through this together and hopefully be alittle stronger in the end.

Love Always.

Wendy :wub:

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Dear Fred,

It is good for us to see that people can and will move through this. Please know that we are cheering for you as you take the next steps. We, hopefully, won't be too far behind. I know there is hope, as I have felt it on occasion. The intensity of Bob's loss isn't something that weighs on my heart every moment of every day. I want to thank you for your kind and thoughtful words, your encouragement and advice, your willingness to share your pain and now your hope. I wish you the greatest amount of peace and prayers that you will find love and happiness. It is a wonderful tribute to your wife that you are able to continue onward.

All my best,

Kath

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Fred - you have such a good soul. If you were an isolated workaholic at one point in your life, I sure don't see that person here! Your posts have always been full of thought, and an inspiration to me. I'm happy for you that you are moving forward. I'm sure it's taken a lot of hard work, and a lot of self searching to reach this point. Peace, and hugs - Marsha

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Dear Fred:

I am happy to see that as you say: "open the blinds and raise the shades". It is wonderful that you can move on and that would make your wife very happy. I think that is what we all want. I came to this site because I was grieving so bad and I had just lost my husband and I needed help, adivse, comfort and friendship. I have found all of that and more here. I am trying to move on, it is just a little hard right now. I took a little relapse this week. Just reliving too many things that happened last year.

This is a wonderful site and when we see our friends not posting as often we can only hope that they are healing or have been healed.

In whatever endeavor you undertake, I hope that you will be happy and that life will be good to you.

Love and God Bless,

Jeanne

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