Oldies But Goodies...

[kayc]

There are some I haven't seen on here in such a long time, and William and I were just wondering about some of you...please drop in here and post a line so we can know how you are doing, we miss you!

Kay

[Stallyn]

Kay and I reconnected some time ago and she mentioned some of you that like myself haven't posted in awhile, lets reconnect!

P.S. I posted another topic in General Grief & Loss Topics, a brief summary of my life in the past year, love to hear from you!

[Mossfire]

I drop in to read the posts but find it difficult to post anything. All I can say is that I seem to hurt more every day. This is summer - camping season - it was one of our favorite together activities. Father's Day was so hard because I would have treated Rob and our daughter to his favorite restaurant. I couldn't even dote on my father because he passed almost three years ago. All I seem to want is to be with Rob even thoughit means leaving many loved ones behind. I know no matter what some day I will - I just wish it was sooner than later. Thanks for caring Kay.

[missingcharlie]

Mossfire - We are here for you. We understand how you feel. It's been going on 5 years for me and I'M STILL HERE. I survived the worst thing that has ever happened in my life and I KNOW that is what my husband wanted for me. He wanted me to be strong and survive...it's not my time yet. He wants me to go on with MY life and enjoy the time I have left. That is what Rob wants for you, too.

I don't know how long it's been for you - tell us your story. We are here to help you down this long journey.

Hugs to you,

Patti

[WendyJ]

Kay I have to give you credit for getting William to post, even though we are the closest of friends and stay in touch daily I had given up on getting him to post, good job ! You two know I am hanging in there, having a rough time of things but managing. I will find out at some point today if I have the Swine Flu as I have not been well. Life is not easy anymore, not that it ever was after losing Steve but I have had too many slight ups and big downs since then and as you all know it takes a toll on you after awhile. But I just wanted you to know I was here and surviving.

Love Always,

Wendy

P.S. William you are one of my dearest friends and we have been close for years, seeing eachother through alot of bad times. I just want you to know how so very proud I am of your progress and the wonderful relationship you have with Denise. Here is a big (((HUG))) to you and please give one to Denise for me too, you found yourself one wonderful lady ! Love You Gugi !

[suzanne]

I drop in from time to time to read but I have nothing to offer to help anyone. Two years and three months later and I miss him more every day. I have accepted that this is as good as it's gonna get. It is what it is until it isn't anymore. But basically I hate life. I would have died for him, I would have gone with him. Anything would be better than this miserable existence. I am happy for those who have found a way beyond your grief and I hurt for those of you have not as well as those who have only had more painful events added to their lives. But for me, I gave up a long time ago. I function as a normal person for all appearances so I have learned how to fake it extremely well. Now you can see why I no longer post but you did ask Kay.

Suzanne

[WendyJ]

Oh Suzanne I have missed you as you and I and a few others joined about the same time. I think we may find that quite a few of us are not doing as well as we had hoped. I know for awhile there I was doing very well but my life changed and it has not been the same since, if anything it just recently got worse again. I think maybe alot of us need to get back to posting as we need more support from eachother than we would like to admit. I am also at 2yrs and three months.

Love Always,

Wendy

[kayc]

It's good to hear from some of you who I haven't seen in quite some time...I hope some others who are reading and not posting will drop in and say hi.

This is a family, forged through the hardest times in our lives. We have been there for each other through the fire, we have lifted each other up, prayed for each other, and even laughed together. I know that when you lose someone you love, life is never again the same...I also know we have learned so much through this process, it has enriched us as people, built our character, given us some wisdom, and we've learned strengths we never knew we had. We've learned to appreciate the least little thing that brightens our lives. We've overcome challenges and obstacles, we've learned to live with aloneness instead of the sharedness we once had. We've learned to sleep alone, be responsible for everything, support and take care of ourselves. We've learned to love ourselves, forgive ourselves, appreciate ourselves. So many instances from different people come to my mind! I think of the ones of us who have had to find a new job, without our spouse here to cheer us on, yet we've done it! I feel like raising my glass to us!

And yes Suzanne, it's not the same as it was. I hope it gets better for you...I think it was somewhere in my third year that it changed for me. Yes, I still miss George, I always will...how could I not?! Just thinking about him makes me smile! He was a wonderful dynamic personality with a huge love for people, the biggest heart I've ever seen, and such a deep appreciation for everything about life! He was the twinkle in a star, the sparkle in glitter, the shine from a moon! But life is still good for me, even with all the losses, even with all the challenges...even being alone. I still have my beloved home (for now), nature, the dogs, my health, an incredible sense of humor, and a job (okay, a paycheck would be nice too!). What more can one ask for? And above all, I have my never-ending faith, and God going through life with me, partners through and through. I leave the future up to Him and know that it is not over, the outcome is not finished, and someday I'll see George and my dad and my niece and nephew and my grandpa again. Someday I'll see all the friends that have passed on before me. We are going to have one big celebration day up there! All of the petty "stuff" that so concerns us in this life will be gone...we will no longer struggle through life, we will not hold grudges, we won't carry baggage, we will be more free and happy than we can ever imagine on this side of the veil!

I hope to hear from KarenB, and Evelyn, Walt, Chrissy, Bob, Gail, oh gosh, so many more of you!

[Stallyn]

Kay convinced me I needed to say something, guess I had to muster up the courage to do so. I know you all have your bad days and some good also. Perhaps supporting each other and getting past our inhibitions to do so, I may be at a point in my life but I remember every day the pain I felt and still feel time to time, Myrna came through to me through the Holy spirit one day and told me I had to move forward and be equipped to do so. Our love ones dont want to see us sorrowful and torn, just to listen in silence we can hear and feel their touch from beyond if we are open to it.

Blessings,

[ustwo]

June 11 was the four year mark. It passed quietly with the world going by outside the silence within the walls of this house. It ceased being a home when Gene left this mortal world. I survive but as someone totally different now. I've made new friendships with wonderful people who never knew Gene but do ask often about who he was. Most friends "we" had have drifted away. And that's ok.....they would have a hard time recognizing "me"........I'm not the same person. And it's comforting being around people who are not afraid to stir the tears. Twice a week we gather (6-8 of us) for a game night of dominos/pot luck dinner. It gives me something to look forward to and sometimes something to just kick me out the door. Life is so empty without Gene's unconditional love to greet the mornings, fill in the days, to sweetly let the night close another day. So I survive the best way I can even though the new me feels like a cardboard me without Gene's love to bring joy into my life. I guess I'm as ok as I can be without the love of my life by my side. I don't know what's beyond the 4 years...for now I just am!

Thanks KayC for bringing some of us oldies back even just for an update. I post little but do read often.

Always Gene!

Always!

[LarrysGirl]

Ustwo, I couldn't have decribed my life any better than you did yours. Life without THEM changes us, we are not the same person. I can tell that the people who have been in my life for a long time don't recognize this person and don't know how to relate to me anymore. It makes for a lonely existence. Deborah

[WaltC]

.... I guess I'm as ok as I can be without the love of my life by my side. I don't know what's beyond the 4 years...for now I just am!

I agree with your thoughts ustwo. My Thanks too Kay.

I read these posts daily, but rarely post. It's good to see others who are able to move on - there is some Hope for us all.

[mrspapajohn]

Kay - I hope that you do not mind that I am replying all though I have only been a member of the group for about 5 months. I just wanted to let you all know that reading your posts, sharing your heartbreak and your courage has kept me going. Like many of you are still saying, life holds little joy for me without Stephen and most of the time I feel like I am just waiting to join him. Then I read some of your posts that are so filled with strength and courage and I am encouraged to go on. Thank you.

Kathy

[MikeC]

It has been quite a while since I posted here, although like others I do come here to read what others have written. I rarely feel like I have anything useful to say.

Today is a milestone for me: the first anniversary of my wife Janet's passing. It has certainly been a year of change and in many ways, growth, for me. I still miss her so very much, but the memories that were once so painful are less so now; in fact, they often evoke a smile instead of tears. I recently became involved in a new relationship with a sweet, caring woman who also happens to have the name Janet. She has 3 adult children and two 3-year-old granddaughters, with another grandchild on the way. I feel really comfortable with her and her family, and my 2 sons seem to like her a lot, too. I am hopeful that this relationship will be a lasting one.

Anyway, the main thing I want to do is thank the folks here who gave me so much support when I really needed it. A few months ago I found it hard to believe that things would get better, despite assurances from several of the "old timers" here. But sure enough things have gotten better - I am healing from this great loss! I still have a long way to go, but I can definitely see progress.

Thanks to you all again, and good luck on your journeys!

Mike

[kayc]

Mike,

One year without your Sweetpea...and one year ago today I'm sure you wouldn't have been able to imagine even surviving, yet you've done it. I hope this year gets easier for you, and I also hope with you that this relationship with your new Janet lasts...none of us wish this emptiness and loneliness on anyone.

Walt and Evelyn, it's so good to hear from you both, and I echo what you've said, along with Deborah, it does indeed change us, we are totally NOT the same people we once were...I don't know if that's good or bad, but it just is...I do think we are more compassionate than we once might have been, and maybe stronger too. I know, that's little consolation in light of all we've lost.

It's good to see some who haven't posted in a while.

Kay

[JeanneC]

Hi Mike:

I always wondered how you are doing. I know that today is your one year anniversary without Janet. I also know because it will be one year on Sunday for me without Alex. I cannot believe that it is a year already and I am happy that your are healing and that you are moving on with a new relationship. I too feel that the pain is not as strong as it was last year. Last year I thought I could not go on. But now, I feel that I do want to go on.

Everyone here has helped me through this, but I still feel like I need to come here often. It is the first place I visit on the computer in the morning when I come to work. That's how much it means to me.

Mike, I wish you a lot of happiness in your life.

Love and God Bless,

Jeanne

[MartyT]

Yes, it is good to hear from some of our original (dare I say founding?) members ~ and I hope that each of you takes great pride in what's become of this Web site since you first joined it several years ago. It belongs to each and every one of you. It would not be what it is today without your watchful presence, experienced input, fierce loyalty, loving compassion and ready willingness to accompany (and so often guide) those who've come after you on this difficult journey of grief. I cannot think of a more meaningful way to honor your departed loved ones. They must be so proud of you. You are very, very dear to all of us, and most especially to me

[marsha]

I've spent a lot of nights going way back, and reading everyone's posts. I've only been on this forum 8 months, but I feel like I know you all. Even at just a year, I know what you're saying, about not knowing what to say, or what to contribute. I find myself reading more, and responding infrequently. Yet I still need support. I'm just not quite sure how to phrase it. For myself, I also would so appreciate and welcome your comments, your views - whether at 1 year, 3 years, 5 years or 10 years, it changes.

Jeanne and Mike - my fellow timeline friends - my thoughts are with you both - I'm so glad to hear that you're both doing ok, and it's good to hear from you. Peace to all of us traveling this journey.

Thank you, Kay! Hugs, Marsha

[moparlicious]

Thank you Kay for this post, you are truly a angel in my heart and one of my dearest dearest friends ever. Stallyn I was so happy to see you post, you have been such a dear too me. Missing Charlie I was glad to see you on again, a lunch date is in order soon for all of us. It was fantastic hearing from you all, you guys are truly missed. MIKE, where have you been we have been good friends, miss you buddy. I also miss seeing Karen, SD2, Derek, Gail. I have not seen you all post in quite some time. You all are angels and we all help each other in this journey. I know I wouldn't be here without you guys( every single one of you) I did not exclude names on purpose for I love you all and you all have been here for me in this hard journey we are all on. Everyone's post is needed for we are all special and now we are not alone. I am at 22 months into this journey and no way would I be here without you all. Love, Kim

[KathyG]

Hi everyone,

It's good to hear from you all again. xI haven't posted much for awhile, but I've stopped in regularly to read posts.

I'm glad to learn that you're healing and re-engaging in life again. It's now 19 months since my husband, Bill, crossed over. I've done some healing, too, and grief doesn't paralyze and dominate me as much as it used to. I've made some new friends, and I'm finding rewards in my new roles as hospice volunteer and part-time caretaker for my disabled sister. I'm able to enjoy myself now and then, and even laugh sometimes. My ability to have fun survives after all.

But even though I keep on searching, I haven't found anything that fills the void that Bill's passing created. I still sometimes feel like a "ghost girl," half in this world and half in the next. I still believe no one can ever replace what Bill was to me, and (I think) have accepted my New normal and the idea that I'll live out the rest of my life as a single woman. I just don't have any interest in looking for another romantic relationship, because I've had the best and won't settle for anything less. It's like that old Bee Gees song: "If I can't have you, I don't want nobody." My mother lived on for 24 years after my dad died, and though she enjoyed being with our family and an extensive circle of friends, she never dated or wanted to. I didn't understand why back then, but I do now.

We never get off that grief roller coaster, but at least now I've learned to anticipate and prepare for the dips. I have one coming up next Monday -- my second wedding anniversary without Bill. It's hitting me hard already. But I know dark times like these do pass, I can survive them, and the depression will ease up after the anniversary passes.

I have a question for you all: has the recession worsened your grief? I think it has for me. I'm getting close to retirement age, and when I read about the stock market craziness it reminds me of the retirement plans I had made with Bill. And it's harder to be upbeat when worrying about threats of pay cuts and unpaid furloughs (or worse, layoffs). Still, I'm hopeful; if the past 19 months and your personal stories have taught me anything, it's that you can get through anything if you have faith, resilience, and determination not to give up.

[AnnetteAZ]

Hello,

I almost never post but I read everyone's. It's been 1,156 days - that's 3 years and 3 months. I'm in the same place as Suzanne. As time has passed things have gotten harder, not easier. My life falls further apart every month. I thought once I could anything...now I know better. I no longer cry for hours every day - it's more of a cold dead numbness. I do appreciate those who do have the ability to so eloquently express how much hurt I have. At least I know I'm not the only one. It is true that time makes a difference. I no longer have the physical symptons and I have gained back 10 of the 30 pounds that I lost. Every day I pray for him to come back and get me.

[LarrysGirl]

Good to hear from you Annette, I say the same prayer myself. I wish for you some comfort and peace soon, Deborah