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MartyT

A Holiday Message To All

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To all our members and visitors ~

We know of the pain that comes during the holiday season

for those who are grieving.

As we move together through these sad and difficult days,

may the love that lives on, even after death, bring us comfort,

may we find strength in our common bond of loss,

and may we continue to offer to one another

the priceless gifts of compassion, understanding and hope.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

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Thank you Marty for that wonderful statement. Peace is what I seem to be endlessly searching for. Emotions, emotions. Good days, bad days. Happy days, (shame on me), then sad days for being happy. Grave visits, covered in dirt planting pointsettias instead of giving Grandma one. Wanting to curl up in a ball in front of her tombstone and wish her back with all my might. Powerlessness, not a good thing to have to suck up to when grieving.

My one wish this time of year is that more people would reply to our posts. Just open up. I think we are all in the same boat. I know it makes me feel better to write down how I feel and know that if not anywhere else, here I will not be criticized, told to get over it, don't cry, you're nuts, whatever.

May the holidays remind us that we are just one closer to being with our loved one, eternally.

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My husband, soulmate, love of my life, died on September 14 of this year. He struggled with cancer for a year and a half. He was only 44 when he was diagnosed and begged me to keep him home. And I did. I sat by his side when he had every chemo and drove him to every radiation. I pushed his wheelchair, changed his bed, wiped his tears and made him laugh.

He had a crush on me when he was 11 years old. I was 13 and a woman of the world, but he was so cute and forward with his devotion that I gave him his first kiss (on the forehead). His devotion died when he did. On September 14 of this year, I held his hand, kept him warm, wiped his mouth and gave him his last kiss (on the forehead).

Now I am lost. To have had such a fan and friend for 25 years was so very lucky. But who am I now? Where do I begin. His heart was my home, and now I feel homeless. We have 4 grown children who are devastated but trying to help all that they can. We have 12 grandchildren whom he cherished.

I made it through the first months. I lived through the first Thanksgiving without him, and my first birthday without him. Now is his favorite time. My heart is crushed and I am lost. I just turned 48. Where do I begin again?

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Hi Marty T,

Thank you so very much for the wonderful Statement you wrote in your last post... I have one wish for everyone here as well I wish them Peace and happiness if not now but in the future Take care All and God Bless you All Shelley

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