Dealing With Conflicts In Grief

[JonKoisMom]

Hi Everyone,

I've missed you! I've been working 12hr shifts and have just wanted to crash when I get home. I'm trying to deal with issues that I used to be able to deal with a lot better. I haven't dealt well with conflict since Jon died. My family is very conflictual so it's hard to avoid. All of my adult children live at home and two of them have mental issues. The worst for this is David. He is BiPolar with other multiple diagnosis. He is on several medications but always runs out before he gets them refilled and then it's another day or two waiting for verification from Terros. He is taking Jon's death harder than the other two. He was Jon's full brother and he has a lot of regrets, as do I.

I had been seriously contemplating talking to an attorney about the possiblility of a Wrongful Death lawsuit. I so want answers to what happened to Jon in those 9 minutes his heart was stopped. I mentioned to David what I was feeling and he got angry about it. That made me cry which I really needed to do and I understand that he wants to protect his Dad and Grandparent any pain that a lot of questions would cause, not to mention any publicity that might be looking for a story. I still want to know the truth and at the time, I didn't realize he had been off of his meds for a couple of days. When he's not medicated, he is very difficult to be around and then he gets Jason going and then I feel like running away. Both of them live with us and neither has a job. They do odd jobs but don't make much at it. My husband is also an angry person and there is a lot of resentment from him because he doesn't believe the doctors diagosis. Jason is waiting to get knee surgery so he can work and David loses his meds everytime he gets a job and then loses the job. I know it would be great for them to be on their own but right now, I don't see a way for that. I'm so sick of feeling like a rope in a tug-o-war and now if really feels amplified. Thanks for letting me vent. I'm tired and touchy but still can't cry for Jon. Sometimes, life really is hard!

[Boo Mayhew]

Oh my Kathy, I feel so humbled reading your post. I know we are not meant to compare one person's grief to another's but ... I think I have it bad, then I read what you are going through and I am speechless. I don't have any advice per se, other than have you got a counsellor? But I did want to say that I am thinking of you and sending my love xx

[JonKoisMom]

Thanks for the love Boo! I feel it! No, I don't have a counselor. I have lived with stress so long that until Jon died, I just dealt with it. I can't really say much right now because our computer is in the living room and I don't want anyone to walk by and see that I'm talking about them but I do want to say, that I love my family and I have deep issues with Co-dependency with all of them. I've tried support groups but just don't have energy to try again right now. My work schedule and the fact that I work with my husband and carpool (we only have one vehicle) makes it even more of an effort to try to get help. Thanks for the love.

[Boo Mayhew]

Kathy, please post when you can. This place has helped me so much, beyond words to be honest.

I am in awe of your strength, and this might sound strange, but I wish you tears. Tears of release. I can't imagine not being able to cry. xxx

[JonKoisMom]

Boo,

Since I have been a part of this forum, I've found myself in envy more than once when I read about the beautiful relationships that I read about between husbands and wifes, young people who are grieving the loss of their parents and the close loving relationships that they had. I know that every family has issues and we tend to forget those issues or not bring them up when we lost that person. I just try to be a peacemaker and make the best of every good moment. If it were not for my relationship with Christ, I'm convinced I would either be dead or in a psyc. ward by now. He gives me strength that I can find no where else. I will say that it's good to have people too and I will continue to post here and on the Legacy forum. I have watched the number of members in the "Loss of a Child" forum grow way too much in the short time I've been there. So many hurting people! I'm so thankful to Marty for recommending that one to me, as well as all the placed that you have led me. Helping others really helps us, doesn't it? Blessings. Kathy

[Boo Mayhew]

Kathy, you are so right, helping others really does help us. That's why this Forum is so good for us ... we can see that our feelings are normal, we can get empathy and some good solid advice, and we can help others, plus we know that it is a safe environment, and people here know the pain that we feel. I agree ... helping others probably makes me feel better than anything tho!

Love to you, am on business trip now till Thursday

x

[Kavish]

Hi Kathy,

I can not imagine how much you have to deal with everyday. I assume your husband would support you if you do file the suit. Please see what the stipulation/time is there for it. I would want you to find all the answers but you should find out from others who have gone through it as I think it would add more to grieving and stress as nobody involved is going to own up to the mistakes made and it would have to be proven. If you can find the support and a counsellor it would help you as to have some one to share with.

warmest regards,

Kavish