Baby Kingston Joined His Great Grandfather In Heaven

[Cassi]

My son Kingston was born on August 11, 2008. It was a day and half I noticed that he wasn't moving. I was one week away from my due date, so I assumed he was getting ready for labour. When I went into Triage to go get checked out, I brought my 4 year old daughter....I was confident that I was going to be leaving and going back home as soon as the nurse checked on my baby.

once hooked up, Kingston's heart rate was extremly low, and I immediately had to call a family member to come get my daughter. I had to get an emergency c-Section because Kingston was stressed out. My partner made it to the hospital in time. After the surgery we waited 3 hours untill the doctor came to see us. Finally I got to meet my son in the NICU for the first time. Kingston suffered mutliple strokes in my wound....and the damage that was done was irreversable.Kingston couldn't breath properly without constant suction to his nose and mouth. There was no diagnosis. The doctor said he would never be able to sit, walk, eat on his own. After tube feeding him through his nose...we decided to get the stomach tube surgery when he was 2 months old. He looked so perfect, like a sweet little baby boy should. Kingston loved to take baths...it would always calm him down. I was so ready to have my second child, I felt as if I was getting punished. I was so frustrated with the situation because it was my second child...I was more prepared in my pregnancy. There was nothing they could detect except the fact that there was a small hole in his heart, which was completely fixable. When the doctors would take my partner and I into a room to discuss matters....we had to make a decision. It was the most difficult decsion I ever had to face. Whether or not to let my Baby live....and force him to go through many surgeries that will be invasive and painful....or let him live the rest of his life for as long as he's supposed too, comfortably ofcourse. I only wanted Kingston to have good memories. We thought that palliative care would be the best for him.

At the same time, my grnadfather who raised me was very sick, he lived in another province. My family went to say their Good-byes, but I had to stay with my Baby Kingston.....so that I could be there for him. I spent 3 1/2 months going into the NICU, trying to have normal days. All I wanted was to bring my boy home, give him a bath, and snuggle up to him on my bed. I cherised every moment I had with him....I knew he was always happy to see me. I remember I got him to smile. He used to smile with only one side of his face. It was so adorable.

As time went on, my Papa passed away on November 22. It was November 27, 2008, that the hospital called to tell me that Kingston wasn't doing good. I told myself that I wan't ready for this. I wanted more time with him. I started feeling like maybe I made the wrong choice. When I got there, Kingston was so pale, and tired looking. We took him to a back room, where I finally got to lay with him. We took turns holding him, singing to him. I will never forget that last day. It wsn't untill I told Kingston that it was ok for him to go and that he could go see my Papa now that his heart stopped beating. It has been over a year...and I still wish that I had more time with my Papa and Kingston. They were very special to me. I miss them dearly....forever and ever.....

[Sherry - Author/Speaker]

I am so very sorry for your losses. I know and understand your losses and how deep that pain goes. I’ve lost grandparents and two grandchildren.

Your little boy knew how much he was loved by the tenderness you showed him while he was here with you and how important that was. He showed you how he felt with his smiles to you. Those memories will never leave you and you will cherish those memories in years to come as you do those of your grandfather. I know how much you are missing your little one. It hurts beyond all hurts. Thank you for sharing for story. I will say a prayer for you today.

[MartyT]

Cassi, dear ~

As a mom whose precious baby died three days after he was born, I feel a special kinship with you, and I am so very sorry for your losses. I love the title of your topic, and I hope it brings you comfort to know that Kingston's Great Grandfather is tenderly looking after him in Heaven.

My own baby David died many years ago, but I can assure you that I've never, ever forgotten him and how special he is to me. I am certain that my experience with David had a profound effect on me -- not only on the career path I chose but also on how I've lived my life. I know for sure that he is part of the reason that I am a grief counselor today. I know, too, that the life and death of your beloved son Kingston will affect you deeply, in ways that are immediate and in ways you many not know for years to come. My heart is breaking for you now, as it does for every mother and grandmother who suffer the loss of their precious children and grandchildren. You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope you will continue to find some comfort here.

When you are so inclined, please see some of the articles, books and resources I've listed on the Death of An Infant, Child or Grandchild page of my Grief Healing Web site.

[loulou]

Im so humbled right now.I just came to this forum.I just lost my father,so I always read those post.I am a mother of 2 boys and my heart is bleeding for you right now.Your story is heart-breaking.You are so strong.Thank you for making me realize that although I lost my dad,I should open my eyes and pay attention to my blessings.How dare I feel sorry for myself.I will try to be stronger,and I will be thinking of you and Kingston.