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goldsunshine897

Apparantly Love Has Come Again

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Sometimes the contradiction comes from what we THINK we should do as a widow/widower, and what is the best thing for us.  I did not think I wanted to love again, that I wanted to stay Mark's wife and be done with it.  But my heart, and my soul are still filled with so much love.  When your heart gets used to being so immersed in love, it aches to try and have it again.  I learned how very quickly life can change. If love comes knocking on my door, I am going to answer.

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Ohhhh yes, I have said over and over again that I didn't think I could ever be with anyone else. Wow, how wrong I was. I think it helps that the guy I'm dating also lost his love. We help each other through it all. We went to the same support grief group. Then we started going bowling once a week as friends. On New Years eve is when things went from being friends to dating. So it has been 5 months now. We have been taking things slow and we only get to see each other a couple of times a week. But I now not only think of Rich all the time, I think of him too. I guess you can't stop love.

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10 hours ago, KATPILOT said:

 Life is a constant that is ever changing.

 

Another profound, cross•-stitch saying...  :wub:

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It has been a busy week so I missed this on Friday. A great post by Kelly. I am happy for her for it takes courage to go down that path.

 She wrote:

"Its such a strange feeling. I have been in love before. My husband was my best friend, my forever love. But I am different now. I have crawled out of the grief of this loss as a different person than the one I was when I married Don."

 

Different would be a good way to describe someone after six years along grief's journey. We are not the same person who was left behind those years ago. A good thing to remember however is how we may have crawled out of despair we live forever in a valley of loss. That loss can never be erased by time or even new love. I spent much of yesterday cleaning out dressers and cabinets to make room for Patty in this house, our house. Last trip with Patty we took another large load of Kathy's clothes to the White Dove keeping just a few items which mean so much to me. They now hang in a closet along with a few special items of Ron's and it seems simply perfect. When I was cleaning out some more things yesterday however I came upon a stash of hidden triggers I forgot were there. At the same time I was doing that Patty was melting down with her own stash of triggers clearing out her house on Maui to pack and discard. Since we Skype almost all the time we could share with each other the anguish we were feeling. It doesn't go away. There will always be times when it hits you even after six years but you have to know that going in. If you can't share that with your new love I would fear what that implies. Patty and I are not the kind of people who can keep emotions a secret. We also have to have those little meltdowns to be ours alone. Sure you can talk about it but they are still yours to own.

 In reading Kelly's blog I remembered her years ago, newly widowed and hardly looking for a relationship. We do change however and for her it seems she has been looking for such a relationship for a couple of years now. That is her path. That is her grief. Mine was so different in that it was not at all what I wanted or sought..... But it happened just the same. Now I realize something quite important about what I feel. It came from my discovery of the snow globe Kathy and I bought at Disneyland when we got married. It is also a music box that played a song which dug deep into my heart. I have been aware for sometime that like Kelly the love I have for Patty came quickly yet was not rushed. What I also realized is that I love Patty more deeply than anyone I have ever loved before and I know why that happened. Kathy taught me how to love and had she lived it would have been deeper and stronger than at the moment she left. If it had not been for her I would not have been able to go deeper today. She made this all possible and it does not discount or lessen the love I have and always shall for her.

globe.jpg

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Steve,

I couldn't agree any more.( A good thing to remember however is how we may have crawled out of despair we live forever in a valley of loss. That loss can never be erased by time or even new love.) It will always be there.

I have been seeing someone for over 6 months now. He also lost his love. It hasn't been easy. In the beginning, I kept feeling like I wasn't sure I could do this. I would feel this way when I wasn't with him. Then when we were together, I just knew that I could. That it was right. We have so much in common. We both love the same things. We both love the same music. We love the same shows on tv. Etc....

Neither one of us was looking for this. I never thought that I could love someone again but it just happened. I remember having a conversation with my mom about a year ago. I told her that I didn't think that I could ever be with someone else because Richard treated me so well and that I didn't think anyone could ever be good enough for me. How wrong I was. We have been taking things slow, but we have been talking about future plans to move forward.

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Polly,

I wish you both well.  I'm glad you've found love again.  It's sure "alone" without it!

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The last two weeks have been wonderful and as I said to Patty, "We deserve a little happiness". 

July 18th 2017 Our day.

This begins a new chapter of our lives and even though we parted in San Francisco yesterday I will be going back to Maui on August 4th to bring my bride back home for good. On August 9th the pod will be picked up containing the Maui Pasta kitchen bringing it to it's new home here in Scottsdale and we already found a place with a good landlord and five months free rent to get it established. What a difference a continent makes.

 

WEDDING 2.jpg

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Much happiness to you both!

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 No one deserves that happiness more than you two, and that's the truth!

Ua ola loko i ke aloha - Love gives life within 

May your marriage be blessed with love forever 

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